Conflicted Thoughts
by purelyromantic
Summary: There are many places in "Eclipse" where it is evident that Edward had conflicted thoughts.... What was he thinking? My take on some of my favourite scenes in the book.
1. Kidnap

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me!

**Author's Note: **This is one of my favourite scenes in Eclipse and I just thought of doing it from Edward's POV for the fun of it. Just a note- I know Alice tells Bella "all the boys are gone" but I took that to mean only Edward, Emmet and Jasper. In my mind Carlisle wasn't with them. I see him being called to an important medical convention, which, though he doesn't really need to go for, he does for appearance's sake =).

Again this was _supposed _to be a one shot, but my muse had other ideas…

Enjoy!

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Hunting mountain lions was exhilarating. I loved the challenge of pursuing this majestic creature, of facing it one on one, matching its snarls with ferocious snarls of my own... It was one of the few creatures who put up a fight to my taste.

But today I didn't feel the satisfaction I usually felt after hunting my favourite prey. Something was off. And I knew what it was…

"You okay kid?"I heard Emmett ask.

I shrugged.

"You seem a little edgy."_ Told you we should've gone grizzly hunting!_

"It's not the lions. The lions were fine," I said. "I'm just…" I broke off, not really sure what to say.

_Huh?_

"Honestly Emmett," came Jasper's amused voice from among some trees. "You really can't guess what's got him so impatient to get back home?"

"What? Oh… _Oh!_" Light suddenly dawned on Emmett.

I gritted my teeth. One… Two…

"So waiting to get home are we?" Emmett said, grinning suggestively. "Wonder why?"

Amazing! Not even two seconds for the perverted jokes to begin.

"Ha ha," I said dryly. I couldn't be bothered coming up with a comeback sarcastic enough. I was too preoccupied.

Suddenly a wave of calm washed over me. I looked at Jasper.

"You're anxious," he said. It wasn't a question. "And nervous."

What was the point in denying it? "Yeah," I admitted.

"Nervous?" Emmett sounded incredulous. "What the hell are you nervous about? Unless…."

I inwardly groaned at the thoughts forming in his head.

"Want some pointers little brother…?"

I couldn't help it. A snarl escaped my lips.

"Emmett!" Jasper said warningly and I saw him shake his head at Emmett.

"Can we go please?" I asked unable to keep the slight desperation out of my voice. I hoped Emmett wouldn't pick it up. I'd had enough of his one-track mind to last me eternity.

He seemed to have heeded Jasper's warning.

"Yeah. Let's go."

Jasper nodded his assent and we started running towards the edge of the preserve where my Volvo was parked.

My mind was turning in different directions. Part of me was impatient to get home and see Bella. It was difficult to be away from her for any length of time. I missed her the very minute we had left on Thursday. This led to the excited part of me. Bella had never stayed the night at my house. The thought of her sleeping in my room had my mind wandering in areas that I probably shouldn't pursue. Emmett hadn't been completely wrong with his insinuations, though I would never admit to him. I grinned, wondering what her reaction to the king-sized bed in my room would have been. Knowing Bella, it probably would surprise me…

However she wasn't at my house of her own choice. To put it frankly, I'd had Alice 'kidnap' her, for lack of a better word. But it was for her own good, I argued to myself. Yes, for all her perfection Bella was quite unable to keep herself safe.

_That's why she's with you isn't it? _a small, unwelcome voice whispered sarcastically in my ear. _Because it's safe._ I winced. As much as I hated to admit it, under normal circumstances, associating with werewolves was as dangerous as associating with vampires.

But this was _not _normal circumstances.

We reached my car and swiftly got in. I reached for my cell phone and flipped it open.

Three voice mails.

"_First message," _said the automated voice.

"_You are in trouble," _a very familiar, angry and yet oh so sweet voice said.

_Uh_ _oh_, I thought.

"_Enormous trouble. Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what's waiting for you at home."_

A snap.

"_End of message."_

I was torn between feeling amused and slightly abashed. She sounded so endearing when she was angry, it made me smile. Part of me was impatient to see Bella angry. My little tiger, I thought turning the key in the ignition.

I could hear my brothers snickering at her message, which they had obviously heard.

"You're in for it bro," Emmett said punching my shoulder.

"I know," I said grinning slightly, lifting the phone to my ear to listen to the next message. I was curious. Bella again? This message was from this morning. Had she cooled down?

"_Edward," _It wasn't Bella. Alice. Instantly my mind was focused. _"I'm sorry, she took off just now with that _dog!_"_ The disgust in Alice's voice was palpable. Jasper and Emmet let out a hiss simultaneously. I clenched my fists and growled. _"He showed up at school. At _school! _Can you believe it?"_ I could actually. I wouldn't put anything past the mongrel. _"I couldn't do anything. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Please forgive me…"_ Her tone was beseeching at the end.

I went to the next message with lightening speed. Alice again. My stomach clenched with panic. Was she all right?

"_She just got back. She's fine." _I let out a sigh of relief which was echoed by my brothers. For now that was all that mattered. _"She looks a little down though." _What? _"I see you coming back in a bit. See you home."_

I dialed Alice's number. She picked up on the first ring.

"Edward I am sorry a thousand times. You know I can't see them. Stupid mutts! I could've…"

"Alice, its fine. I understand," I said, reassuring her. "I know you can't see them. What did you mean she looks a little down?" This was what was worrying me.

"I'm not sure. She looked a little upset. She didn't want to talk about it so I didn't press her. She went to sleep early…"

I took my frustration out by speeding up. If that stupid dog had done _anything _to hurt her I'd break him to pieces.

"All right. We're on our way. See you in a bit".

"Bye," she said somewhat subdued. I snapped the phone off.

I was glad it was night and a relatively straight road ahead. I needed to think. I wanted to break something. Something big. A big rock maybe…

Suddenly I calmed down. Not much but enough that I didn't want to destroy anything anymore. I looked sideways at Jasper. He smiled slightly.

_She's safe now. You can calm down. _He thought. _I know you wouldn't want to ruin your Volvo._ I couldn't help smiling a little myself._ Though the mongrel is still a problem…_

Yes, the mongrel was a problem.

But…

I recalled what Bella had asked me only days ago in her room. The last time she sneaked off to La Push…

"_Is this something else altogether? Some vampire-and-werewolves-are-always-enemies-nonsense? Is this just a testosterone fueled -"_

I'd been so angry I'd cut her off. But now that I thought about it, there was more truth to her words than I'd cared to admit at the time.

We were natural enemies, the wolf and my kind. Our instinct was to attack each other on sight. But I couldn't ignore what he had done for Bella the time I'd left her.

I had only myself to blame for that. She had been hurting, under the impression that I didn't want her anymore and turned to someone to lean on. I couldn't begrudge her that. I only wished it had been anyone except Jacob Black. For more than one reason.

Because he was a creature who morphed into a ferocious, unpredictable wolf without control was the obvious first reason. I only had to imagine Bella's face like Emily Young's to want to bodily remove her from any area within five hundred yards of La Push.

But my earlier argument couldn't help but worm itself back to me. She was in a relationship with me, a vampire. A creature to whom she was natural prey. She spent almost every waking minute, and all her sleeping ones as well, with at least one person who could easily drain her dry. Even though I found myself incapable of harming her, after thinking she was dead for twenty four hours, this was beside the point. Could I really keep convincing myself that she was safer with me than with Jacob and his pack? As much as I hated to admit it, Jacob was probably safer company for her as long as he was human.

My second reason was the one that worried me more.

Jacob Black was in love with her. And as much as I wanted to kill him for daring to so much as lay eyes on what was mine, this again was my fault. It was my absence that brought them closer… And how could I blame him for falling in love with her, when I was under the same spell? Of course I knew the mongrel's feelings were nowhere as strong or intense as mine but nevertheless I, however grudgingly, understood.

This made Bella absolutely correct when she asked if I was jealous.

I was. Insanely so. How could I not be? No matter how much I blamed myself for leaving her, and I would for the rest of eternity, I still resented how close they had become. I wanted her to be mine and only mine. But I would have to live with the consequences of my actions. There was no way around it.

Was I right to stop her this way? I had to admit, I was behaving like one of those psychotic, controlling boyfriends seen on TV.

_But I only wanted her safe…_ I argued with myself.

But hadn't I just decided she was as safe with Jacob as she was with me? I sighed. That argument was out.

So what was my problem?

I knew the answer to this already. Jacob Black's feelings were one-sided, true, but only for now.

I couldn't be sure what Bella was thinking but I knew she thought about him a lot. At these times I was both glad and not glad I couldn't read her mind. As much as I wish I could see how she thought of him, I was also afraid to know.

But one thing I knew for certain was that the connection Bella and Jacob had went beyond friendship. Maybe it hadn't progressed to love, at least on Bella's side, but it was somewhere there. She just hadn't realized it yet. I wasn't a fool to miss it. But it didn't mean that I had to like it.

And I suddenly realized that part of my stubborn refusal to let her see Jacob Black had nothing to do with age-old feuds… It had more to do with very, very human feelings.

I had been unconsciously unwilling to let her spend time with someone who she could very well leave me for. The thought of this caused me physical pain… Saying I loved her, was too tame a way to express the depth of my feelings. But it was selfish motives that were partially the cause for me to keep her so close to me.

Who was I to keep her from where she wanted to go simply because I didn't like it? I was hurting her. Again. I was horrified when this occurred to me. All this time I had told myself it was worry for her safety that made me stop her from doing what she wanted to do but it was not. It was true, yes, but not the whole truth.

I sighed. I had to face facts. Bella had spent a considerable amount of time with the wolves in our absence and she had been safe. She was right. The chances of her getting hurt when with Jacob were the same, if not less, when she was with me.

I didn't have a plausible reason to prevent her anymore. And if I wasn't careful this would drive us apart. I wasn't prepared to allow that to happen under any circumstance. Not for something as trivial as this. I winced when I remembered our argument last Saturday. I loathed moments like that with her.

I didn't want to fight with her. I didn't want her angry with me. And Jacob Black had been the reason for discord, brief, but still discord, between us more times than was necessary. It had to stop. If I pushed her, I might lose her and that thought was unbearable.

My life was a brighter place since Bella walked into it. I saw a reason for my miserable existence. I still wasn't quite sure why she wanted me but I wasn't idiotic enough to question what I had been blessed with. And I was thankful I had been shown how my own foolishness nearly cost it.

I loved her enough to let her go if and _only _if she wanted it. But I wouldn't force her. I wouldn't push her into a situation that would compel her to choose between us. Like I had told Jacob, I was hers, until she ordered me away.

For once I felt like I had made the correct decision. It stung a little around the edges but it felt right.

I would concentrate on the present. For now, beautiful Bella Swan wanted me and that itself was more than I deserved. And I would love her and care for her and never begrudge her anything she wanted.

Now I was impatient to see her. I wanted her in my arms, to touch her soft skin and kiss her sweet lips.

I finally drew my attention to the road. I had been mindlessly driving all this time. I suddenly realized I hadn't heard any thoughts from my brothers. They would have been thinking other things to allow me privacy. I was grateful.

I glanced at Jasper sitting in the passenger seat. He saw me.

_Better?_ He inquired.

I nodded.

_I can feel it._

I could hear Emmett randomly thinking of baseball and grizzly bears. He was even keeping his normally lurid thoughts involving him and Rosalie under the surface.

I felt a rush of affection for both. Not normally my reaction.

"Thanks," I said gruffly to both.

_Don't mention it _they both thought.

We finally reached the outskirts of Forks. I was driving three times the average speed of a human and yet it felt I couldn't get home fast enough.

Just a few more minutes and I'd be with my Bella.

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**A/N: **Well? How does it sound? The part in Eclipse will be the next chapter. Let me know what you think about Edward's thoughts...


	2. His Hostage

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! The dialogue between Edward and Bella are from Chapter 8 of Eclipse

**Author's Note: **Wow! The reviews are really encouraging people. Thank you! And I am so flattered at the amount of author and story alerts this has gotten as well as the favourite story alerts. My muse is blushing like crazy! =D

Hope this chapter doesn't disappoint you…

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I jammed the brakes on as the car shuddered to a halt in our garage. Within a second I was out of the car and through the front door.

Alice was sitting on the sofa looking positively miserable. I paused on my way up to my room and went over to her…

She turned to me, her eyes big and pleading, and said dolefully, "I messed up royally didn't I?"

I ruffled her hair and sat down beside her. "No you didn't. You had no way of knowing he would do that."

She scowled. "I hate not knowing what they do!" _Why? Why? Why?_

I chuckled. Alice was clearly more than disgruntled about her inability to 'see' the wolves.

She looked at me curiously. _You're in a good mood. I thought you'd be furious…I thought you'd take the Porche back._

I rolled my eyes, "The Porche was a gift, Alice,"

Her eyes brightened. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the possibility of losing her latest toy was the bigger worry.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yes!" I said exasperated. "Honestly, am I the kind of person who would take back a gift?"

"No, I suppose not," she agreed. _So…you're not mad?_

I sighed. "I was," I admitted. "But I thought things over and decided I wasn't." No need to give her the lengthy process of my complicated thoughts.

She scrutinized me carefully. _Hmmm… He's not telling me everything. Obviously. Oh there's Jazz!_

Hey eyes moved away from me towards the door and she smiled seeing her husband. Her eyes snapped back to me for an instant.

"You and I are going to talk later," she said firmly, standing up. _Now go upstairs and keep that girl company_ she thought before bounding into Jasper's arms.

I shook my head. My sister was the most persistent person I'd ever encountered. And that was saying something.

I ran up the stairs towards my room. As I passed Rosalie's and Emmet's room, however I heard a train of thought that made me stop.

_Hope I didn't scare her with my story… She didn't look scared but you never know. I hope she understood what I was trying to say… How can she not realize how important this life she has is? I can't believe she'd just want to throw it away…_

I tuned out Rosalie's thoughts as she registered our arrival and waited for Emmett to come find her.

So she had narrated her story to Bella. I was impressed. Rosalie was by far, the person who had suffered the biggest trauma out of all of us. Even Esme's fate, though terrible seemed better in comparison, for she had made up her mind when she leapt off that cliff.

Rosalie loathed the last few moments of her human life. And who could blame her? They were a fate no one deserved to endure. Recounting those events wouldn't have been easy for her.

I couldn't decide if I was glad or not that Bella now knew her sordid past. If Bella was scared I'd have words to tell Rosalie, though they would be unwarranted. But a part of me hoped my headstrong sister's tale would have conveyed something to Bella. Even I agreed that Bella didn't seem to realize what she would be giving up by committing herself to eternity as a vampire.

I slowly opened the door to my room, impatient to see her.

I blinked. She wasn't on the bed.

She was sprawled on my couch, wrapped in the golden comforter. I had expected her to give me grief over ordering a bed for her: she had a tendency to get a little agitated about the way I was willing to spend money over her. Silly Bella… I'd buy her the universe if it was available…

But I never expected her to actually not sleep in it. As usual she had succeeded in surprising me. I knew what it meant. This was her little act of defiance. My lips turned up in a smile as I stood at the doorway and watched her. I could watch her forever… Bella never understood why I was so fascinated at her sleeping form. The sleep-talking was only half the allure. She couldn't see what I saw… A culmination of Innocence and Beauty… Psyche, Aphrodite, every divine being paled in her wake…

My beautiful Bella…

I would have watched her longer but the man in me, so close to the surface ever since Bella walked into my life, propelled my feet forward. I needed to be near her.

I gently lifted her from the sofa, comforter and all and placed her on the bed.

Her eyes scrunched up and she stretched and rolled. I heard her heart rate accelerate slightly. Had I woken her?

She rolled again and slowly opened her eyes…

"Sorry," I murmured as softly as I could, sitting down on the bed. "I didn't mean to wake you."

She slowly sat up and had my heart had a beat it would have stopped. Her face, still drowsy and sleep laden was heart breakingly beautiful. I was slightly nervous as she was undoubtedly very angry at me. I couldn't help but smile at the irony. Me, a vampire, a feared killer, nervous at my human sweetheart's reaction…

Her actions surprised me once again. Instead of chastising me, as I so rightly deserved, her hand reached out for me in the darkness. She couldn't see me; it was too dark so I met her hand midway and sighed with relief at the contact. I never felt complete when parted from her anymore.

She pulled herself to me and I willingly cradled her against my chest. I felt the flames in me ignite as her lips gently made contact with the skin of my throat and worked their way up my neck, to my chin until she found my lips and tenderly pressed hers against mine.

I responded with a soft kiss of my own. I couldn't help but chuckle softly.

"I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often."

I could feel her lips turn up in a smile against mine. "Give me a minute to work up to it," she teased, kissing me again.

"I'll wait as long as you want," I said, not particularly referring to her anger. My fingers braided through her hair sending her sweet scent wafting into my nose.

I could feel her breathing becoming erratic. "Maybe in the morning."

"Whatever you prefer." She could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted with me. Her wish was my command.

My lips moved under her jaw breathing in her scent.

"Welcome home. I'm glad you came back," she whispered. Hmm…. Maybe she wasn't as angry as I thought.

"That's a very good thing," I said kissing the area under her jaw over and over again.

She tightened her arms around my neck and moaned in pleasure.

Her moan did strange things to my body. My hands were moving of their own accord to curl around her elbow and slowly move down her arm. The rational voice in my brain that was screaming that I was in dangerous territory was being successfully drowned out by the flames that had now become fires. I wanted to mould her against my body forever. My hand continued lightly across her ribs and over her waist. I could feel gooseflesh on her as I traced a line down her knee and leg. I paused.

_Don't go there…_the rational voice warned.

_Oh be quiet! _the flames shot back, blazing a little more and effectively winning the argument.

I pulled her leg up and hitched in around my hip. I reveled in the feeling. This was the most intimate we had got. My paranoia about keeping her alive usually made me stop short of wanting more and more of her…

Usually…

My lips moved to the hollow of her throat, drinking in the scent of the blood pumping in her veins. I suddenly sensed that her breathing had stopped and spoke.

"Not to bring on the ire prematurely, but do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?"

Before she could answer, I rolled to the side and pulled her on top of me. I held her precious face in my hands as if it were glass and angled it so I could continue to kiss her throat. It was funny, how once this same action had forced me to run halfway across a meadow. Now I couldn't live without it.

Thankfully, she was breathing again. But she seemed to have forgotten my question.

"The bed," I prompted. "_I _think it's nice."

"It's unnecessary," she gasped and I had to smile. So Bella.

I pulled her face back to mine, aching to kiss her again. Without breaking the contact of our lips, I slowly rolled again, this time placing her under me. I could hear the rational voice saying something inaudible and tuned it out. I was careful however that she felt none of my weight and instead relished the feel of her warm body against my eternally cold one. Her heart was beating so loudly I was surprised it wasn't bouncing off the walls.

I was boyishly pleased at the effect I had on her. I laughed quietly, both at her answer and her body's reactions.

"That's debatable," I said, my face millimeters away from hers. "This would be difficult on a couch."

The rational voice was completely banished from my head now and the fire was a raging inferno, urging my face forward to close the minute distance.

Softly, my tongue traced the shape of her lips. The _taste! _It nearly knocked me senseless if that were possible.

"Did you change your mind?" she asked breathlessly.

The fires vanished instantly. _Told you so, told you so,_ the rational voice crowed gleefully.

I sighed and rolled back so that we were on our sides.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," I said a little disapprovingly. I knew what she meant. And I had told her before exactly _why_ it was not possible. Her safety was my most important priority and I'd deny myself anything to keep her intact. While I craved to be closer to her, in a literal sense of the word, it was out of the question. "I was merely trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like. Don't get carried away."

"Too late," she muttered. "And I like the bed."

I couldn't help but smile. "Good," I said, moving in to kiss her forehead.

"But I still think it's unnecessary," she went on. "If we're not going to get carried away, what's the point?"

She sounded as if she wanted to get carried away. My assumption was probably correct. I sighed again and said, "For the hundredth time, Bella – it's too dangerous."

"I like danger," she insisted.

"I know," I said dryly. I was all too acquainted with Bella's desire for danger. She was dating a vampire. Need I go on?

"I'll tell you what's dangerous," she continued. "I'll spontaneously combust one of these days – and you'll have no one but yourself to blame."

Grinning I pushed her away.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, refusing to let go.

"Protecting you from combustion. If this is too much for you…"

"I can handle it." she insisted, crawling back into my arms.

My smile faded as I rested my chin lightly on her head. This was my fault. I had given her the notion that I wanted to take this further than we could. Not that I didn't want to. On the contrary every cell in my body wanted her. So much... But we couldn't. Not now at least. It was very wrong of me.

"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression. I didn't mean to make you unhappy. That wasn't nice."

"Actually it was very, very nice," she said.

This conversation needed to be turned in another direction. Fast. Breathing deeply, I said, hoping to distract her, "Aren't you tired? I should let you sleep."

"No I'm not. I don't mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again."

This girl would be the death of me. "That's probably a bad idea," I told her wryly. "You're not the only one who gets carried away."

"Yes I am," she grumbled. I could hear the sulks approaching and couldn't help chuckling.

"You have no idea, Bella. It doesn't help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either."

"I'm not going to apologize for that," she said firmly.

Which reminded me…

"Can _I _apologize?"

"For what?" she asked.

"You were angry with me, remember?"

"Oh, that."

"I'm sorry," I said ruefully. "I was wrong," for more than one thing, I added in my mind. "It's much easier to have the proper perspective when I have you safely _here_." My arms tightened around her. I never wanted to let her go. "I go a little berserk when I try to leave you," which was putting it mildly. "I don't think I'll go so far again. It's not worth it."

I could see her smile. "Didn't you find any mountain lions?" she inquired.

"Yes, I did actually. Still not worth the anxiety," I said remembering how the hunt had failed to generate any of my usual enthusiasm. "I'm sorry I had Alice hold you hostage, though. That was a bad idea."

"Yes," she agreed. I winced.

"I won't do it again," I solemnly vowed.

"Okay," she said. I was faintly surprised. I didn't want to believe I was off the hook so easily.

"But slumber parties also have their advantages…" her voice trailed off as she curled up even closer against me and pressed her lips over my collarbone. The flames flared again, hopefully. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the feeling. It still stunned me that this creation of Heaven itself seemed to want me as much as I wanted her.

"Mmm," I sighed. "I may take you up on that."

"So is it my turn now?"

Her turn? "Your turn?" I asked, confused.

"To apologize." She sounded like it was obvious what she was talking about.

"What do you have to apologize for?"

She sounded blank. "Aren't you mad at me?"

Oh. This was about her excursion to La Push. But how could I be angry with her? The mere idea of such a concept was beyond ridiculous. It was myself I was angry with, if at all.

"No." I answered.

Now she looked confused. "Didn't you see Alice when you got home?"

"Yes – why?" Of course I knew why. I was just curious as to how she was going to put this across.

"Are you going to take her Porche back?"

First Alice, now Bella, why did everyone think I was going to take back something that was a gift?

"Of course not. It was a gift."

"Don't you want to know what I did?" she asked sounding more puzzled than ever.

I shrugged. "I'm always interested in everything you do – but you don't have to tell me unless you want to." I hoped I sounded casual. I was always intensely curious about what went on between her and the mongrel but I would never force her to tell me.

"But I went to La Push." She seemed to have enough of beating around the bush.

"I know."

"And I skipped school."

"So did I," I pointed out. I could hardly berate her about that trivial matter. She was more intelligent than that place deserved anyway.

I could see the amazement on her face, as she stared at me in the dark. Not surprising, considering how I'd reacted the last time and planned the 'kidnap' to avoid this in the first place.

"Where did all this tolerance come from?" she demanded, tracing my features with her fingers.

I sighed.

"I decided you were right," I admitted. "My problem before was more about my… prejudice against werewolves than anything else." Not completely true but I wasn't quite ready to admit the certain insecurity I felt when it came to my feelings about Bella's and Jacob's relationship. "I'm going to try to be more reasonable and trust your judgment. If you say it's safe, then I'll believe you."

"Wow," was her only comment.

"And…most importantly…I'm not willing to let this drive a wedge between us," I said firmly. That was one hundred per cent true at least.

She moved in closer and rested her head against my chest and completely relaxed.

"So," I murmured, idly playing with her hair and hoping I sounded casual enough. "Did you make plans to go back to La Push again soon?"

She tensed. I reproached myself for asking the question so hastily. Obviously she was wondering what to tell me. When she didn't answer for a while, I said quickly, "Just so that I can make my own plans. I don't want you to feel like you have to hurry back because I'm sitting around waiting for you." Obviously that was exactly what I would do but I wasn't going to tell her that.

"No, I don't have plans to go back" and the tone of her voice immediately caught my attention. So it seems something _did _happen while with Jacob. I restrained myself from having a reaction she would notice.

"Oh, you don't have to do that for me," I said, trying to sound like I didn't know something was wrong.

"I don't think I'm welcome anymore," she whispered.

Something wasn't just wrong. Something was very, very wrong. She sounded so hurt. I struggled to maintain the casual tone as I asked, "Did you run over someone's cat?" If my instincts were correct perhaps I would be running over a certain _dog _before long.

"No," She took a deep breath and mumbled, "I thought Jacob would have realized…I didn't think it would surprise him."

I waited as she hesitated. I wasn't quite sure where this was going.

"He wasn't expecting…that it was so soon," she said meaningfully.

"Ah," I said as matters became clearer. Of course the wolf had a problem with the situation, period. The fact that it was Bella probably made it worse for him. I could almost sympathize with him. Almost.

"He said he'd rather see me dead," she chocked out, her voice breaking on the last word.

I froze. Rage filled every particle of my body. How dare he say such an insensitive thing to her? Wasn't it enough she already felt guilty that she was causing him pain? Did he have to rub it in so cruelly?

Focus on Bella, I forced myself to think. Bella was the priority. The mutt would be dealt with later.

I pressed her closer to me, as tightly as I could without hurting her. "I'm so sorry," I whispered into her ear.

"I'd thought you'd be glad," she whispered back.

I held her closer and tucked her head under my chin, as if that would shield her from anything that threatened to hurt her. "Glad over something that's hurt you? I don't think so, Bella."

She sighed and seemed to be a little comforted. I let my mind slip back into the area that was murderously angry at Jacob Black.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"It's nothing."

"You can tell me."

I paused. She wasn't going to be happy. "It might make you angry," I warned.

"I still want to know," she insisted.

I sighed. "I could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I _want _to." I admitted.

She laughed weakly, "I guess it's a good thing you have so much self-control."

"I could slip," I said thoughtfully. Easily…

"If you're going to have a lapse in control, I can think of a better place for it." She twisted and tried to kiss me. How did we always end up on this topic despite my attempts to evade it?

I tightened my arms around her and sighed, asking, a little pleadingly, "Must I always be the responsible one?"

I could see her grin. So adorable… My resolve almost broke.

"No. Let me be in charge of responsibility for a few minutes…or hours."

Oh no. "Goodnight Bella," I said, firmly.

"Wait." I paused. "There was something else I wanted to ask you about," her voice sounded slightly strained.

"What's that?"

"I was talking to Rosalie last night…"

Oh. I was wary, wondering what she would have thought. "Yes. She was thinking about that when I got in. She gave you quite a lot to consider, didn't she?"

I was feeling a little apprehensive. Had Rosalie made her look closer at what she might miss? All the human experiences? Motherhood? I was torn. As much as I wanted her to have those things, it would mean letting her go. I hated who I was for not having the ability to grant her what every woman was entitled to by birth.

"She told me a little bit…about the time your family was in Denali."

Denali? What did this have to do with Rose's story? Curiously, I asked, "Yes?"

"She mentioned something about a bunch of female vampires…and you."

I was shocked into speechlessness. It didn't happen often. What in Heaven's name had Rosalie told her? Surely she didn't say Tanya and I had…?

"Don't worry." Bella's voice broke my thoughts. I realized that I had been silent for too long. "She told me you didn't…show any preference." I almost breathed a sigh of relief before I realized there was more to Bella's question. "But I was just wondering, you know, if any of _them_ had. Shown any preference for you, I mean."

So _this _was the matter. I nearly laughed. My beautiful Bella had been wondering if she had a rival. The thought both embarrassed and pleased me. Embarrassed because I wasn't used to talking about other women who had wanted me. And I certainly didn't want to talk about it with Bella, out of all people. But I couldn't help feeling a little gratified. I felt like a schoolboy again. What can I say? The male ego had become proverbial.

"Which one?" she asked. It sounded as though she was fighting to keep her voice indifferent. "Or was there more than one?" At that it was quite obvious she was panicking slightly. Bella had never been a good actress.

"Alice will tell me," she said suddenly. "I'll go and ask her right now."

I tightened my arms around her so that she was trapped. As averse as I was to publicizing how women seemed want me, having Alice explain it to Bella was far less appealing. I could just see Alice milking it for all it was worth and more.

"It's late," I said, hoping to convince her she should sleep. I knew I was fighting a loosing battle. Bella could be as persistent as my sister. "Besides I think Alice has stepped out." She hadn't. I could hear her and Jasper in their room but Bella needn't know that.

"It's bad. It's really bad isn't it?" she said, her heart starting to race. She was really worked up I could tell. Why she was feeling so panicky I could hardly fathom. How could any other woman appeal to me after her?

"Calm down, Bella. You're being absurd," I said, planting a light kiss on her nose.

"Am I?" she asked, sounding more and more flustered by the second. "Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because there's nothing to tell," I said. How could there be, when unknowingly I had been waiting all my life for my Bella? "You're blowing this wildly out of proportion."

"Which one?" she insisted.

I sighed. It looked as if the only way she would calm down was if I told her. "Tanya expressed a little interest," I said, trying to make it sound like nothing serious. This certainly hadn't been the case. I inwardly shuddered at the memory of her persistent attentions. They were the closest thing we had to family and it made things very awkward for a while. "I let her know, in a very courteous, gentlemanly fashion that I didn't return the interest. End of story." I said firmly.

Bella evidently missed the finality in my tone. "Tell me something," she said. "What does Tanya look like?"

I was growing more and more incredulous. Surely Bella didn't think Tanya was prettier than her?

"Just like the rest of us – white skin, gold eyes," I said in a rush wanting more than anything to end this discussion. It had taken quite a different twist from what I thought it would be.

"And, of course, extraordinarily beautiful," Bella said, her heart starting to pick up speed again.

I shrugged. Tanya was beautiful, I supposed, objectively speaking. All vampires were; it was part of our hunting mechanism. But that was nothing. In my eyes, Bella's beauty put the sun and moon to shame.

"I suppose, to human eyes."

I decided it was time to effectively end this. Time to cheat, I thought. My 'dazzling', as Bella put, always worked.

I put my lips near her ear and let my breath swim over her face. "You know what though?"

"What?" I smiled at the sulky tone in her voice. My sweet, innocent, beautiful Bella…

"I prefer brunettes." I said, as my lips worked their way down her neck.

"She's a blonde. That figures."

"Strawberry blonde," I said, making a face. "Not at all my type." Only Bella would be my type.

She was silent as I left a trail of kisses along her cheek, down her throat and back up again. I nibbled gently at her soft skin as my lips traced the same route for the second and third time. I could feel the blood rush in her veins as her pulse started to quicken and I knew it wasn't agitation this time.

"I _guess_ that's okay then," she said when she finally spoke.

"Hmm," I whispered, not wanting to break away from her skin. "You're very adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable." I'd endure a bit of self consciousness if it would initiate this sort of response out of her. It was making me enjoyably light hearted. I felt like the schoolboy again.

She scowled.

Time to put her out of her misery.

"It's late," I said, as softly as I could, laying her down on the pillows. My voice became intense, meaning every word I said, "Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has touched my heart. It will always be yours," I promised her fervently. "Sleep, my only love."

She smiled sweetly and snuggled closer to me. I could feel her surrendering to sleep as I gently hummed her lullaby and held my life in my hands…

* * *

**A/N: **Phew! Getting inside Edward's head is quite a lot of work! But incredibly challenging and enjoyable. This is my favourite-est chapter in Eclipse so I hope I've done justice to it. Please let me know! I particualrly liked doing the last part where he has to explain about Tanya =)

And please, if I've made any factual, grammatical or spelling errors let me know...

Love!


	3. Doubts

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! The dialogue between Edward and Bella are from Chapter 11 of Eclipse

**Author's Note: **Seriously people, thank you SO much for all the reviews. They were so helpful and amazingly encouraging. I don't know if it's because I don't want to disappoint any of you but this chapter was really hard to write. I worked on it forever, deleting and retyping… Maybe I'm overreacting but I'm counting on you guys to let me know if it's ok, needs minor adjustments of needs to be redone.

Enjoy! (hopefully)

* * *

Usually we could hardly feel the time pass. When you have the ability to live forever, time tends to lose all meaning.

But this was one of the rare instances where every millisecond felt like an hour, every minute felt like a month…

It was another thing to be added to the list of concepts that had changed ever since Bella entered my life. Every second we were apart seemed to pass a hundred times slower.

I was pacing in my room, too restless to do anything else. Restless? Since when were vampires restless? Once again, Bella had managed to extract some long buried human trait in me. Every so often, I found myself glancing at my watch and being amazed that only a few minutes had passed. For the first time in my long memory, I cursed our inhuman speed as it made the time pass so much slower.

I had kept my promise and not made a fuss about Bella going to La Push. I winced at how that made me seem like a possessive maniac. As I reminded myself a thousand times, who was I to prevent her from doing anything she wanted or being anyplace she wanted? It felt right though, not to have to force her into doing things behind my back. I hadn't been exaggerating, however when I had told Bella how having her away from me drove me a little berserk, as my family, especially Alice was prone to reminding me.

But I had sworn to be reasonable. To act rationally. I trusted Bella and however much I disliked the dog, I trusted him to keep her safe. As much as I hated to admit it, the pack had been more than co-operative, adjusting the boundary lines to make it easier all round to get rid of the unknown vampire who had decided to pay Bella's house a visit.

As I had told myself before, I had no plausible reason to prevent Bella from going to La Push.

Except the one. The one which I couldn't explain to her, lest it took her away from me.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I let the thoughts run over me. I had restrained myself from thinking about this particular matter, partially because, as perceptive as Bella was, she would have noticed my preoccupation and partially because I didn't want to. But there was nothing to distract me now…

I had seen and heard how Jacob Black thought about her. And I had to give the mongrel credit; his thoughts weren't the stereotypical thoughts that ran through the average male teenager's mind and were graphic to a point of vulgarity. In fact his thoughts were forcing me to face certain issues that I had long pushed to the back of mind.

Jacob Black dreamed of a life with Bella at his side. As his love, his companion for life, his wife... He dreamed of content days in La Push, walks on the beach, gatherings by the fire with the Quileute elders. He dreamed of a home and a family with Bella, children with his russet coloured skin and beautiful, chocolate brown eyes…

Bella's eyes.

It physically hurt to even think of Bella as the wife of another, let alone that of Jacob Black. Even though I would be grateful to him for the rest of eternity for helping her through the terrible things I had made her endure and for keeping her alive, this was the one thing I wouldn't give him…

Unless Bella wanted it.

I walked to the nearest glass wall and stared out at the green forest, not really seeing it.

Who was I trying to fool? I hated to acknowledge the fact but Jacob Black was better for Bella. Healthier. He could give her so many things I couldn't. A human life, complete with warmth, safety, children…

What wouldn't I exchange to be able to give those to Bella myself, to be able to guarantee her a normal, human life and still be a part of it? What wouldn't I give to be able to hold her, touch her, make love to her without fearing I might kill her? The image of Bella, rosy and beautiful with my child…our child…

I banished the thought from my head. Even if my wildest fantasy could miraculously come true, that part never could and never would. Vampires couldn't have children. And why should they? I thought wryly. It was bad enough we existed and tainted the world, we didn't need to be breeding as well.

Never had I loathed my cursed existence more.

My eyes roamed to the bed where Bella had lain more or less twenty four hours ago. As risky as it had been I smiled at the memory at Bella all but wrapped around me. She honestly didn't seem to realize that she wasn't the only one who wanted it to go further than it ever could.

The feel of her skin, the taste of her lips still lingered on mine and the mere recollection of it was enough to start the fires in me, the burn that was not for her blood but for something infinitely more desirable. It was incredible how the bloodlust, which bubbled on the surface of all vampires, had taken the backseat when it came to my thirst for her blood. I knew I was a glutton for punishment, but I couldn't resist dwelling on the memories of the previous night…

The trees rustled and I heard before I saw my family return from their hunting trip. I had turned down the invitation even though it probably would have been a better idea to join them. As they passed under my window, I saw Jasper pause and look up, meeting my eyes. Could he feel the tension and anxiety rolling of me? Evidently he could, as he shook his head and whispered something to Alice. She gave me a pointed look of her own and disappeared from my view as they all entered the house.

I knew she would be in my room in a fraction of a second.

_Hey _I heard.

I turned, to see her sitting on the king-sized bed, her legs crossed.

I gave her a poor attempt at a smile.

_Want to talk? _she asked.

I had long since abandoned trying to bottle all my feelings inside me. With someone as pushy as Alice it was next to impossible, at any rate. To my surprise it was becoming easier and was somewhat of a relief to share how I felt. After my return from Italy, I had promised I'd be more open, with Alice at least.

"Just thinking," I said.

She rolled her eyes. "I can see that. And usually, that's not a good thing. What now?" She closed her eyes for a moment and grimaced. "I can't see Bella at the moment but nothing _looks_ bad."

I suddenly looked at her.

"Do you see Bella with Jacob?"

She looked justifiably flummoxed.

"Excuse me?"

"Do you see Bella with Jacob Black," I repeated. "Do you see her with him, as in," this part was hard to say, "instead of with me? Better off without me?"

I could see my face reflected in her eyes. I looked crazy.

"Edward," she said slowly, looking a little worried. I could see her scanning my future, trying to fathom what was going on. "You know I can't see the wolves."

Right. Of course. Her 'sight' didn't work with the wolves.

_You know what I see of Bella's future. _

Images of Bella, pale as snow, ochre coloured eyes, more stunning than now, if that were even possible rose to the surface of Alice's mind.

_It's what she has decided _Alice's voice continued in my head.

I knew this. And against my better judgment, I had agreed that Bella could be changed. Not that I had much say in the matter. She had taken matters into her own hands and secured not only the majority of my family's vote but also Carlisle's promise to change her. She wanted me to change her, but I had my own conditions if that were to happen.

Ones that she wasn't at all enthusiastic about.

Why really? I wondered.

I shook my head. I'd worry about that later. It wasn't like I had enough to think about now.

"Edward," Alice prompted. "What's wrong?" _Jacob Black????_

Her eyes were big and concerned.

"I can't help thinking…" I said, reluctantly, "if he would be better for her…"

Saying it out loud just made it worse.

Alice's mouth fell open.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" she all but screeched. _Explain yourself!!!_

I could feel the thoughts of everyone else in the house swivel to my room. They were all wondering what was going on. I gritted my teeth. This was all I needed.

She saw my reaction and quieted down but her thoughts were still screaming at me.

I help up a hand.

"Listen, first, please," I requested. "Before you start yelling at me."

_Fine. I'm listening. Talk._

I wondered how to go about this. I'd stopped using my argument that vampires were damned creatures with my family. I would be insulting them and they would all exchange knowing, exasperated looks with one another when I did.

So I settled for the second part of my problem.

"There are many things I want to give her Alice," I began. "And the most important of them can't be bought with money."

Her eyes narrowed. She could literally see where this conversation was going. I went on anyway.

"Jacob Black _can _give her those things. He loves her." I stated miserably.

Her eyes were softer now, sympathetic.

"And he's safer for her, he wouldn't have to worry about risking her life every time he touched her or-"

_And this would all be relevant, if it was what Bella wanted _she cut me off. _How many times do I have to tell you that you are the person she wants? She wants to be a vampire, for God's sake Edward. We've had this discussion before…_

She could see that I wasn't convinced.

"She _loves _you, Edward," she said out loud.

"For now," I muttered.

Of course, she heard me.

I could see understanding slowly dawn on her face.

"You're afraid she will fall in love with Jacob Black." It wasn't a question.

I made no comment.

She continued to just stare at me for a long time. I could hear her running through her thoughts in her head, speculating at my reasons for believing so.

I let her thoughts flow, not attempting to confirm or deny anything.

We both sat in silence. My mind vacillated between Alice's thoughts and my own.

I couldn't help but wonder what Bella would do when she _did_ realize that her feelings for Jacob Black were deeper than mere friendship. Would she leave me? The thought sent a wave of pain through me. But I also knew that if that was what she wanted, I would never contest her decision. I would let her go and never reveal how difficult it would be for me to live without her.

I would wait… Even if there was no hope I would wait. Because I knew there was always the possibility that Jacob could leave her. If I was completely honest, a selfish part of me would hope that he might. I would wait and watch in the wings. If she ever showed even a hint of wanting me back I would be hers. I was beyond lucky to have her even tolerate me, especially after what I put her through… She was free to have any part of me. I would gladly accept it if that was all I could have.

I heard Alice lightly jump off the bed and come and stand next to me.

_I know what you're thinking _she began.

I braced myself. Was I in for another bout of being berated?

_And I understand. _I was mildly surprised. Alice was the most vocal opposition concerning my doubts about Bella's feelings for me.

"I mean, I don't really, but I can see why you would think that way." I was oddly touched.

_But here's what I think… _"I think you shouldn't worry about it now." I looked at her a little dubiously. Shouldn't worry about it?

"I know it's easier said than done, but right now, Edward, she loves you and it is the surest she has felt ever. My visions of her becoming one of us are so strong and clear." _You know that…_

I did. I had seen the clarity of her visions.

"If she wasn't sure of the way she felt about you, she wouldn't be so determined to follow this decision through."

I let this process for a minute.

"I can't assure you of the future the way I normally do," she said, looking slightly put out the way she always did when admitting the only time her ability didn't work. "But I can tell you that you're not helping either one of you by constantly worrying about this." _And sooner or later Bella will notice._

I couldn't agree with that last statement more. It was all I could do to keep the doubts safely at the back of my mind whenever Bella spoke of the mongrel.

My cell phone started to ring.

I had it to my ear before the first ring finished.

"Bella?"

"Edward," Jacob's voice came over the receiver. He sounded as though being polite was using all his self-control. My stomach clenched. Why was he calling me? Was Bella all right?

"We're done over here. You can come and get her. She would have called you but she's fallen asleep. I don't want to wake her."

I felt a wave of relief.

"I'm on my way," I said.

"We'll be at the boundary," he said and the disconnected the phone.

I looked at Alice.

"Thank you," I said. "For listening. Even though I didn't say much."

"You're getting better," she said smiling slightly.

I was feeling a lot more cheerful, now that I knew I'd be seeing Bella in a matter of minutes.

"That's the most mature you have sounded yourself," I said, teasing her back. She playfully stuck out her tongue at me.

_Go on, go on _she thought. _I know you want to._

I gave my sister a swift kiss and raced to my car.

I was at the Quileute boundary under two minutes. The dog wasn't here yet. A growl of impatience escaped me. I was sure he was taking his own, sweet time. Unable to sit inside the car and wait, I stepped out and started pacing.

Finally, I saw the headlights of his battered Rabbit appear in the distance. A few moments later it stopped and I could hear their conversation. Bella seemed to have woken up.

"You called Edward for me," I heard Bella. Simply hearing her voice seemed to give me more energy.

"I figured if I played nice, I'd get more time with you," _Show him I can be nice! _

I smirked. It would take a lot more than 'playing nice' for me to give him any more time with her than necessary.

"Thanks, Jake," I heard her say, "Really, thank you. And thanks for inviting me tonight. That was really…" She seemed lost for words. Well, she had had a good time at least. That was evident.

"And you didn't even stay up to watch me swallow a cow," he answered, laughing. I felt a pin prick of the jealousy creeping in at their shared joke. "No, I'm glad you liked it. It was… nice for me. Having you there." _Like it should be always…_

I winced at the images that floated up to his mind…

I could see Bella squinting in my direction. She seemed to have seen me.

Jacob followed her glance. I knew his vision could see me clearly.

_Jeez! Can't wait a bit can he?_

No, not when my life is in your car, I wanted to retort.

"Yeah, he's not so patient is he?" I heard him tell her. "Go ahead. But come back soon, okay," his voice was longing. It was lucky for him Bella was so close and I was sufficiently impatient to have her in my arms to comment.

"Sure, Jake," she said, finally opening her door. It was taking all my self-restraint not to cross the border and walk those few steps to her side.

"Sleep tight, Bells. Don't worry about anything – I'll be watching out for you tonight."

It was moments like this that made it impossible for me to hate the wolf completely. How could I dislike anything that was watching out for her safety?

She paused. "No, Jake. Get some rest, I'll be fine." I smiled. That was my Bella. Always thinking of everyone around her.

"Sure, sure," he said, patronizingly. I agreed with him there.

"Night, Jake. Thanks."

"Night, Bella."

I didn't even hear his thoughts as I met Bella at the boundary line and caught her in my arms.

"Bella," I breathed, taking in her sweet scent, relieved to have her back in my arms again, where it felt so right.

"Hi. Sorry I'm late," she said, against my chest. "I fell asleep and - "

"I know. Jacob explained." I reassured her. She staggered against my side and I wrapped an arm around her. "Are you tired? I could carry you - "

"I'm fine."

"Let's get you home and in bed," I said. "Did you have a nice time?"

"Yeah – it was amazing, Edward." I smiled at the enthusiasm in her voice, despite the tiredness. "I wish you could have come," So did I, I thought fervently. "I can't even explain it. Jacob's dad told us the old legends and it was like…like magic"

So she had heard the Quileute legends… I wondered how many of them starred my kind as the villains. Probably all of them. Wherever we appeared.

"You'll have to tell me about it. After you've slept."

"I won't get it right," she said, yawning widely.

I laughed, softly. She sounded so young when she was sleepy. I opened the door and lifted her into the seat, buckling her seat belt on. For once, she didn't protest, her sleepiness taking over her usual indignation at my chivalry.

Bright lights flashed over us as Jacob, whom I hadn't even realized had been watching still, took off back to his house. Bella lifted her hand to wave weakly but I doubted he saw her.

As she fell asleep in my arms, safe in her room a little later I pondered over what Alice had said. And I realized that she was right. My worrying and constant brooding wasn't benefiting anyone and I resolved to put it out of my mind as much as I could.

Needing to feel her, I bent my head and softly kissed her on the forehead.

"I love you," I said, in a whisper not loud enough to wake her.

She smiled slightly, in her sleep and curled closer to me.

Yes, for now she was mine. And if I was continued to be blessed, it would stay that way forever…


	4. That Girl and That Boy

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any part of this. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me.

**Author's Note: **I wasn't going to do this particular part in the novel, originally. But when I read it again, I remembered thinking how cute it was, especially when Edward explained his reasons for wanting to marry her. I was all mushy inside and even more so while writing this.

Hope you like it!

* * *

"Absolutely not, Alice!' I said, firmly.

_Oh come on, Edward! Why not?_

"Because you know perfectly well how Bella feels about parties, much less _surprise_ ones," I hissed.

"Well, I did see her throwing something close to a fit when we surprised her. But –" she went on ignoring my glare, "this will be so much fun! Besides, Bella needs to relax a bit and be the center of attention for once. It _is _her first graduation after all. She should be made to feel special."

I could think of a countless different ways to make Bella feel special, ones which did not involve subjecting her to a social gathering of what I considered mindless drones, none of whom really cared about Bella anyway. Except perhaps for Angela Webber.

"She already _is_ special Alice," I said, dryly. "And I can tell you she will think you are trying to publicly humiliate her, not make her feel special."

"Well, I don't care what you say, I'm going ahead with this," she said, stubbornly. _After you have all had fun, and you have had a chance to slow dance with her, you will be thanking me!_

I ginned in spite of myself. As much as I loved to hold Bella close and dance with her, her mortal fear of tripping over her own feet didn't guarantee it happening in the near future. I also knew that trying to stop my sister was impossible. She was a force of nature, a hurricane maybe.

"All right," I conceded. Alice grinned happily at me. "On two conditions."

Her grin faltered. I knew she could see what I was going to tell her but I went ahead and said it. It wouldn't hurt Alice to hear it twice.

"You have to tell her about it first –" I held up a hand as Alice opened her mouth. "And let it be hosted by all three of us."

I could see her mull this over. "Hmm… she's still going to be difficult," she said, knowingly.

"Take it or leave it," I said. The least I could do was make this easier for Bella. In her mind, having to endure a surprise party would qualify as more painful than being burned by vampire venom.

"All right, all right," Alice grumbled. "At least, I still get to throw a party."

I shook my head. "Is this about Bella or about you getting to plan a party?" I asked.

She smiled angelically back at me.

I preferred not to know.

We were on our way to pick Bella up before school. I had left her room in the morning, promising to be back in a few minutes.

That was before I was faced with dealing with a sister hell-bent on a party. I could hear her thinking of telling Bella after school today.

"Oh," Alice said, suddenly. I saw an image of three slips of paper which looked like concert tickets, float into her mind. "Looks like Bella's getting us those for graduation. How sweet!"

I smiled as I pulled up in front of her house.

She had been waiting for us. I could see the question in her eyes as she slipped into the seat beside me.

"Sorry we're late," I said, kissing her quickly. My lips turned up against hers as I felt her heart start to race. "You can blame Alice for it."

Bella turned around, looked at Alice and gave a mock shudder. "I know that look," she said, teasingly. "Think I'd rather not know,"

Alice stuck her tongue out at Bella while I laughed and gave Alice a pointed look from the rearview mirror. Bella was _not _going to like her announcement.

The day passed reasonably uneventfully. I wished they would progress slower. As much as I was looking forward to graduating and being free of having to learn, or pretend to learn rather, the same mundane information until it was inevitable once again, it also meant the day Bella had picked to be transformed drew nearer. I would be pleased and proud to see her graduate but fervently wished it were for solely academic purposes. That battle was still a raging conflict in my mind. Nothing gave me more joy than the prospect of having Bella with me for the rest of eternity but that was pure selfishness. The cost, her soul, her human life made me wish she would at least postpone the decision for a later date.

But she was adamant about not getting anywhere near her twenties. And obviously, she wouldn't listen when I told her it didn't matter to me in the least. It was a woman's thing, Alice told me.

"I have foreseen…" Alice said, mimicking a dramatic fortune-teller, as we made our way to my car after school.

I tried to elbow her but she skipped out of the way.

"Fine," she grumbled. "Edward is making me do this. But I _did _foresee that you would be more difficult if I surprised you."

Bella looked clueless. "In English," she politely requested.

I kept silent. Let Alice handle this. I wasn't going to help her.

"Don't be a baby about this. No tantrums," Alice warned.

"Now I'm scared," Bella said. She wasn't wrong, I thought wryly. My sister's enthusiasm for this sort of thing was something to have a healthy fear of.

"So you're –" I threw her a fierce glare. "I mean _we're_ having a graduation party. It's no big thing," she continued before Bella could protest. "Nothing to freak out over. But I saw that you _would _freak out if I tried to make it a surprise party –" she danced out of my way again, as I reached over to mess her hair. Bella really didn't need that many details. "and Edward said I had to tell you. But it's nothing. Promise."

Bella sighed. "Is there any point in arguing?"

"None at all," my sister said, grinning.

"Okay, Alice," Bella said in resignation, "I'll be there. And I'll hate every minute of it. Promise," she said imitating Alice's earlier tone. I pulled her closer to me and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"That's the spirit." I knew Alice was too used to Bella's lack of enthusiasm to be dampened. "By the way," she added. "I love my gift. You shouldn't have."

"Alice, I didn't," Bella wailed.

"Oh, I know that. But you will."

I could see Bella screw her eyes up in concentration as she tried to think of what she wanted to buy us.

"Amazing," I muttered. "How can someone so tiny be so annoying?"

"It's a talent," Alice retorted, laughing.

"Couldn't you have waited a few weeks to tell me about this?" Bella said, sounding a bit disgruntled.

I glanced at her in surprise. A few weeks? Graduation was _one _week away.

Alice was frowning at her. "Bella," she said slowly. "Do you know what day it is?"

"Monday?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Yes. It is Monday…the fourth," she said pointedly.

She grabbed Bella by the elbow and dragged her to the yellow poster that was taped to the gym door. The date of graduation, June eleventh, was drawn on it in big, black letters.

Bella stared at it for a few seconds, frozen to the spot. I was starting to get concerned.

"It's the fourth?" she chocked out. "Of _June? _Are you sure?"

Neither Alice nor I answered. My eyebrows lifted as Alice shook her head.

_What is wrong with her? _Alice asked me.

I shook my head, indicating that I had no idea.

_Okay, sure she forgot the date, but she looks too freaked out for it to be just worry over a memory lapse. _

I didn't answer. I wasn't so sure why she seemed so startled about the date either. Was she even more upset about the prospect of the party than I expected? I would stop Alice, regardless of her feelings if Bella was so against it.

She remained silent while I drove. Alice was attempting to keep things normal but Bella didn't even notice her nonstop chattering or the pelting rain. She was so deep in thought that she didn't even wave to Alice when I dropped her off at the top of our driveway.

I let her think without interference even though I was longing to ask her what was wrong. We finally arrived at her house and she seemed to be in a dream like state as I led up the porch stairs and into the house. She never noticed that I opened the door for her.

I pulled her down onto the living room sofa and she stared out the window, even though I was sure she didn't see anything at all.

These were the times I wished her mind wasn't shut to me. It was an effort to simply let her think. I nearly interrupted her several times but stopped myself in the end.

I ran over our conversation a hundred times, trying to see what had sent her into this shock-like state. Surely it couldn't be the party? As averse as Bella was to the idea, she was too sensible to have such a reaction to it. After all, prom had been no different and she had survived that. But I hadn't exactly given her the chance to back out that instance though, so _was _it the party that had her so preoccupied? I found it hard to believe.

It was getting dark when I finally couldn't stand it anymore. I placed my hands on either side of her face and gently turned it so that she was facing me. Staring into her eyes, I pleaded, "Would you please tell me what you are thinking? _Before _I go mad?"

She blinked a few times and more than one emotion seemed to run across her face. She seemed pale. I was starting to panic.

"Your lips are white. Talk, Bella," I urged her.

"The date took me off guard," she whispered. "That's all."

I already knew it was the mention of the date that had alarmed her. I waited for her to continue, positive that there was more to this.

"I'm not sure what to do…" she was finding it difficult to explain. "…what to tell Charlie…" Charlie? "…what to say…how to," her voice trailed off.

"This isn't about the party?" I asked, even though I had already come to that conclusion.

She frowned and said, "No. But thanks for reminding me."

She was masking something from me. I searched her face. There was apprehensiveness, sadness and a hint of shame all mixed in her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes.

The truth hit me so fast I was astounded it hadn't occurred to me immediately.

"You're not ready," I breathed.

"I am," she lied. Of course she wasn't. Now that I realized what had occupied her mind for so long, I could see it etched in every line of her face. She hadn't realized she had only so much time to bid goodbye to her life as a human.

Taking a deep breath, she said, "I have to be."

"You don't have to be anything," I said, firmly.

Her eyes filled with panic as she rattled off her reasons, "Victoria, Jane, Caius, whoever was in my room…!"

"All the more reason to wait," I said. If Bella _was_ going to join our world it was going to be for the right reasons. I did not want her, under any circumstance, to see that as the only measure of safety. I would protect her with my life.

"That doesn't make any sense, Edward," she protested.

I had to make her understand. I held her face more securely in mine and spoke deliberately, desperate for her to see my point of view. "Bella. Not one of us had a choice. You've seen what it's done…to Rosalie especially. We've all struggled, trying to reconcile ourselves with something we had no control over. I won't let it be that way for you. You _will_ have a choice."

"I've already made my choice," she argued.

"You aren't going through with this because a sword is hanging over your head. We will take care of the problem and I will take care of you," I promised. "When we're through it, and there is nothing forcing your hand, then you can decide to join me, if you still want to. But," I said, determinedly, "not because you're afraid. You won't be forced into this."

"Carlisle promised, she mumbled. "After graduation."

"Not until you're ready. And definitely not while you feel threatened," I said, firmly. I wasn't backing down from this.

She didn't answer. I sincerely hoped she agreed with me.

"There," I said, and kissed her forehead. "Nothing to worry about."

She laughed shakily, "Nothing but impending doom."

"Trust me," I said.

"I do."

I gazed at her, silently willing her to relax.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked, suddenly.

"Anything."

She bit her lip and hesitated. "What am I getting Alice for graduation?"

This was certainly not what she had wanted to ask me. Her moment's hesitation gave her away.

I couldn't help but laugh, "It looked like you were getting us both concert tickets –"

"That's right," she said, looking relieved. "The concert in Tacoma. I saw an ad in the paper last week, and I thought it would be something you'd like, since you said it was a good CD."

"It's a great idea. Thank you," I said, sincerely.

"I hope it's not sold out."

"It's the thought that counts. I ought to know."

She sighed.

"There's something else you meant to ask," I said, gently.

"You're good," she said, frowning.

"I have lots of practice reading your face," I said. "Ask me."

She closed her eyes and leaned into my chest, hiding her face. "You don't want me to be a vampire," she said, her voice sounding muffled.

My arms automatically held her close. "No, I don't," I said, softly.

When she didn't say anything, I said, "That's not a question."

"Well…I was worrying about…_why _you feel that way," she said. I could tell she was trying to sound matter-of-fact.

"Worrying?" I asked somewhat surprised.

"Would you tell me why? The whole truth, not sparing my feelings," she asked, not lifting her head.

I hesitated before saying, "If I answer your question, will you then _explain _your question?"

She nodded into my chest.

I breathed deeply. It was difficult trying to answer this, not because I didn't know the answer – on the contrary, I understood it all too well – but because admitting my reason was hard.

"You could do so much better, Bella. I know that _you _believe I have a soul, but I'm not entirely convinced on that point, and to risk yours… For me to allow this – to let you become what I am just so that I'll never have to lose you – is the most selfish act I can imagine. I want it more than anything, for _myself_. But for you, I want so much more. Giving in – it feels criminal."

I felt as if my mind was being pulled in opposite directions with equal pressure every time I thought about this. The idea of having Bella with me for eternity, made me feel drunk with joy and exhilaration. But that meant agreeing to damn her for eternity. How could I claim happiness at that when her soul belonged in no other place than the brightest corner of Heaven?

"If there was any way for me to become human for you – no matter what the price was. I would pay it," I said, wishing with all my still heart that there was a chance it could be so.

Bella was silent for a minute, absorbing all I'd said. Dare I hope she finally decided to rethink her decision? The thought both gladdened and pained me.

She finally lifted her face to look at me. I was surprised at the smile on her face. "So… it's not that you're afraid you won't…like me as much when I'm different – when I'm not soft and warm and I don't smell the same?"

I was too stunned to respond.

"You really do want to keep me, no matter how I turn out?"

I exhaled. Really, sometimes Bella astounded me. "You were worried I wouldn't _like_ you?" I demanded, incredulously. And then the laughter escaped me. "Bella, for a fairly intuitive person, you can be so obtuse!"

She was so observant when it came to everything except how I felt about her. My beautiful Bella didn't seem to realize that it would, in fact, make things a lot less complicated, for me at least, were she not as breakable.

"I don't think you realize how much easier it will be for me, Bella, when I don't have to concentrate all the time on not killing you. Certainly, there are things I'll miss. This for one…"

I looked deep into her eyes, 'dazzling' her, as she put it, and stroked the soft skin of her cheek. The blood rushed up to her face and I laughed softly, at how beautifully the blush enhanced her features.

"And the sound of your heart," I said, listening to the familiar _thump-thump _that was such a constant, soothing presence of my world, I couldn't imagine how I'd lived without it before. "It's the most significant sound in my world. I'm so attuned to it now, I swear I could pick it up from miles away. But neither of these things matter. _This,_" I said, taking her face tenderly in my hands and dropping my voice, trying to convey how much I meant what I was saying. "_You_. That's what I'm keeping. You'll always be my Bella, you'll just be a little more durable."

She closed her eyes and smiled contentedly.

I was tempted to let her face rest in my hands for as long as she liked but I had a question of my own, the potential answer of which, I wasn't sure I was ready to hear.

"Now will you answer a question for me? The whole truth, not sparing my feelings?" I asked, repeating her earlier worlds.

"Of course," she answered sounding surprised. Her eyes were searching my face.

I said the words slowly, "You don't want to be my wife."

I heard her heartbeat stop before it started beating rapidly. I waited for her response…For the umpteenth time I wondered how she could be so eager to become a vampire, but not to marry me. Marriage was infinitely easier than the agonizing experience of becoming a vampire, not to mention less painful.

I knew the failure of her parents' marriage was probably the reason she wasn't keen on an early matrimony. But there was a nagging voice in me that questioned if that was the only reason. Did the prospect of immortality have a stronger pull?

"That's not a question," she finally whispered.

I looked down and reached for her hand. Never had I been more nervous about an answer to a question.

"I was worrying about why you felt that way," I said, playing with her fingers.

"That's not a question either," she whispered, swallowing.

"Please, Bella," I begged, unable to wait anymore.

"The truth?" she asked, with nearly no voice at all. Were my fears true, then?

"Of course. I can take it, whatever it is." At least, I hoped I could. No, I thought, I would, for her.

"You're going to laugh at me," she said.

I looked into her eyes, shocked. Laugh at her? "Laugh? I cannot imagine that."

"You'll see," she muttered and then sighed. She suddenly blushed and said in a rush, "Okay, fine! I'm sure this will sound like some big joke to you, but really! It's just so…so…so _embarrassing_!" She hid her face in my chest again.

I was sufficiently confused.

"I'm not following you," I confessed.

She lifted her head and glared at me.

"I'm not _that girl_, Edward. The one who gets married right out of high school like some small town hick who got knocked up by her boyfriend! Do you know what people would think? Do you realize what century this is? People don't just get married at eighteen! Not smart people, not responsible, mature people! I wasn't going to be that girl! That's not who I am…" she trailed off.

I needed a moment to process her rant. Surely there was more?

"That's all?" I asked.

She blinked. "Isn't that enough?"

"It's not that you were…" I forced the words out, "more eager for immortality itself, than for just me?"

She stared at me for a moment and then burst into peals of laughter.

"Edward!" she gasped, "and here…I always…thought that…you were…so much…_smarter_ than me!"

I suddenly felt light-headed and took her in my arms, my own laughter mixing with hers.

"Edward," she said, overcoming her giggles somewhat, "there's no point to forever without you. I wouldn't want one day without you."

No matter how many times she would say things like that, I would never tire of hearing it. It was times like this, that fooled me into thinking I still had a beating heart.

"Well, that's a relief," I said, smiling at her.

"Still…" she said, slowly, "it doesn't change anything."

"It's nice to understand, though. And I do understand your perspective, Bella, truly I do." It was more her reason for refusing to marry me that had worried me than the refusal itself. "But," I said, wanting to tell her how it looked like from where I stood, "I'd like it very much if you'd try to consider mine."

I gazed into her eyes, losing myself in the beautiful chocolate colour.

"You see, Bella, I was always _that boy_. In my world, I was already a man. I wasn't looking for love – no, I was far too eager to be a soldier for that." I could dimly recall the thrill my friends and I shared at the thought of being part of the Allied Powers. "I thought of nothing but the idealized glory of the war that they were selling prospective draftees then – but if I had found…" the word 'someone' died on my lips, as I realized it was grossly inadequate. A mere 'someone' would never have made me feel this way. "I was going to say _someone_, but that won't do. If I had found _you, _there isn't a doubt in my mind how I would have proceeded. I was _that boy_, who would have – as soon as I discovered what you were what I was looking for – gotten down on one knee and endeavoured to secure your hand." I told her, earnestly. I hoped to achieve that goal at some point, in any case. I may have adapted to different lifestyles and attitudes as the decades passed, but within, I was still a man with the attitudes of the twentieth century. My voice dropped to a devout whisper, "I would have wanted you for eternity, even when the word didn't have quite the same connotations," I said, smiling the smile I knew she loved best.

She stared back at me. I noticed she had stopped breathing.

"Breathe, Bella," I said, smiling a little wider.

She inhaled, still frozen,

"Can you see my side, Bella," I said, a little imploringly, "even a little bit?" _I_ could see it so clearly in my mind's eye. Bella, in a high waisted, high necked, long white dress, that had been the style for women at the time, a lace veil fanning out behind her like a divine gust of wind, her slender figure beautifully accentuated by the materiel that would have hugged her every curve, that blush colouring her lovely face as she shyly reached for my hand at the altar…

She swallowed.

"The thing is, Edward," she said, a little shakily, "in my mind, _marriage _and _eternity _are not mutually exclusive or mutually inclusive concepts. And since, we're living in my world for the moment, maybe we should go with the times, if you know what I mean."

"But on the other hand," I countered, not missing a beat, "you will soon be leaving time behind you altogether. So why should the transitory customs of one culture affect your decision so much?" I was cheating, I knew. But I was prepared to do anything to get her to agree to bind herself to me in the most sacred way possible. I was, after all, old-fashioned.

She pursed her lips. "When in Rome?"

I laughed. "You don't have to say yes or no today, Bella," I would wait forever, if that was what it took. "It's good to understand both sides, though, don't you think?"

"So your condition…?" she asked, not sounding hopeful that it would have altered.

"Is still in effect," I confirmed. "I do see your point, Bella, but if you want me to change you myself…" I was playing with a double-edged sword. As much as I wanted to say the vows that would unite us forever, I also knew it was the only thing that might possibly cause at least a small delay in her resolution to be transformed.

"Dum, dum, dah-dum," she said, in a dry voice.

I pulled her close and pressed her lips to mine, effectively ending the conversation.

**

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A/N:

So how does it sound? Let me know… And up next is that oh-so fun chapter after Jacob kisses Bella =D

P.S. I just saw the blogs on Stephenie Meyer's lawsuit!!!!! Hello! _What _is with that???


	5. Mine, Never Yours

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! The dialogue between Edward and Bella at the beginning is from Chapter 14 and the dialogue between Edward, Bella, Jacob and Charlie is from Chapter 15 of Eclipse

**Author's Note: **People, I am flattered at the amount of story and author alert's as well as the adds for favourite story. But I would love it even more if you would please, pretty please leave a review as well. I love to hear what exactly you loved about it or what exactly you didn't like, what needs work, anything and everything…

I'm not sure if this chapter came out sounding the way I wanted it to… But that's where I need my objective reviewers! Please let me know!

Enjoy!

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I didn't like the dog's thoughts at all.

I was driving Bella to the Quileute boundary. She had requested that she spend the few hours I went hunting, with her best friend.

The mutt intended to change that status. Today.

_Don't care what the leech thinks, I have to tell her today. I'll drive myself insane if I don't. She should know how I feel. That way she can make a choice. Before they turn her into one of _them._ She should know the bloodsucker isn't the only one out there, who can make her happy. Jeez! How can she stand kissing something so cold? Yuck! I know I would feel much, much better…_

A hiss, too low for Bella to hear, escaped my lips. I had half a mind to turn the car around and take her home. I had accepted the fact that this would happen, but that didn't stop the instinctive feeling in me that screamed Bella was mine and only mine.

Bella noticed my change of mood as I parked the car.

"What's wrong?" she asked, pausing before she got down.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head.

_Bella, I love you and I have always loved – no, no that sounds lame. _The mongrel's voice was screaming in my head. Couldn't he _attempt _to be quiet? _You have no idea, Bella, for how long I've loved you – ugh! That sounds worse than Rachel's cheesy chick flicks. Come on, Jacob! Think! Come up with something to make her forget him!_

My eyes narrowed as I glared at the sorry excuse for a car, only feet away from me.

"You're not _listening _to Jacob, are you?" she asked me, accusingly.

"It's not easy to ignore someone when he's shouting," I answered. He was still trying out different lines to use on my Bella. _My _Bella.

"Oh." I heard her say. "What's he shouting?" she whispered after a moment.

Dryly, I answered, "I'm absolutely sure he'll mention it himself." I wondered if it would hurt more if I hit him or if I tore off a limb…

_Why the hell isn't she coming? Crap! I bet he can hear me. Stupid mind-reading leech! Let her come here already, would you?_

He honked twice.

"That's impolite," I growled. The mutt needed a few lessons on how to treat women.

"That's Jacob," Bella said and quickly stepped out of the car. I watched her as she crossed the line and waved at me before she got into his car.

The dog's current line of thinking was making me clench my teeth in irritation and anger. I caught a glimpse of myself through the mirror and was glad Bella was too far away to see the look on my face. It looked positively murderous.

I thought it was best if I left. Fast. Before I did something without thinking. Controlling my temper with the utmost difficulty, I reversed the car and sped off home, driving faster than usual.

My family was waiting for me on the porch steps. Emmett, Alice and Jasper had decided to join us as well since Bella wouldn't need looking after. I sorely wished she was to wait here instead of where she was at the moment. Who knew what the dog was making her listen to?

My furious expression caught everyone's attention as soon as I dangerously swerved and came to a screeching halt in front of the house.

_Son, what happened?_

_Edward, what's the matter? Is Bella all right?_

_Whoa! Kid, what happened to _you?

_Oh no! What's wrong? I didn't see anything happen… Does this have something to do with the wolves???_

_Edward! Please, calm down would you? This is painful!_

_What's got him all hot and bothered _now?

My family's thoughts and questions bombarded me and I answered shortly. "She's fine. Nothing's wrong." Yet. "Can we go?"

They knew pressing me for answers was pointless and Carlisle nodded. "Yes, we're ready. We were just waiting for you."

I nodded and we set off.

I ran fast, overtaking everyone else soon. I needed distractions and to be alone. The urge to do something dangerous was foremost on my mind. Not that the harmless prey around this area was that challenging but it would have to do. Oh, for some mountain lion now…

I caught the scent of a herd of elk nearby. Deciding that something was better than nothing, I gave myself over to my senses.

Following the scent I came across a small clearing, where the herd was grazing. I let the smell of their beating hearts, pumping fresh blood into their veins, fill my mouth with venom. I saw one elk standing somewhat away from the rest of the herd. It was a young buck.

Crouching, I concentrated and suddenly sprang, grasping the animal's body with my hands. The rest of the herd paused for only an instant before taking off into the forest. The elk in my hands thrashed fruitlessly. I brought my lips to its throat and sank my teeth into its jugular vein. It was the fastest way to kill an animal, causing it minimum pain.

I drained it in a matter of minutes. But I wasn't satisfied. It wasn't so much the thirst that I wanted to rid myself of rather than the feeling of unease that was building up in my chest.

Burying the carcass of the animal, I made my way deeper into the forest. I didn't want to go too far but the urge to find something that was less easy to kill was overwhelming.

I debated with myself for a minute, before making up my mind. It was better that I got rid of this excess energy before I took it out on something else. Or some_one _else. Besides, I was sure I could make it a little further and back soon.

I started running. Like always, the speed was exhilarating and calmed me down a little. I pushed my worries to the back of my mind and focused instead on the endless sea of green I was passing.

Suddenly, a familiar and much welcome scent drifted under my nostrils. How far had I run? A lot farther than I had intended to, that was for certain. There were no lions near Forks. Or for several miles beyond it, to be accurate.

I was facing the large cat before it even knew I was there. It looked me straight in the eye. I could feel the fear rolling off it in waves and it filled my mouth with venom. But it didn't move. This is what I enjoyed about hunting lions. They put up a fight. And, right now, I needed something to fight me back.

I crouched, baring my teeth a little. It mirrored my moves.

I suddenly pounced. It let out a roar and pawed at me. I was too quick and bent, avoiding it. I could feel the animal's surprise at my speed. Though its instincts were telling it I was dangerous, it didn't budge.

I snarled, challenging it to attack. It bent and circled me, not quite prepared to pounce. It knew I had abilities it was unfamiliar with. The blood pumped strongly in its veins, sending a burn down my throat and I leaped behind it. For a fatal second, it looked startled and that was all it took. My hands fastened around its body. Like, the elk, the lion thrashed, attempting to connect its powerful paw with my face. Not that it would have done any good. I dodged every whack it made at me.

Wrestling it to the ground, it now began to kick, trying to throw me off, but I was positioned in such a way, that its legs met only air. I crouched over it and sank my teeth into its neck.

The animal gave one, wild whimper and was then silent.

I buried its carcass like I had with the elk and headed back in the direction I had come from.

I was feeling slightly better after that encounter. I felt much calmer. The fact that I had satisfied my thirst somewhat, helped as well.

I was starting to feel like I had overreacted now. I knew how the dog felt. Even Bella knew that his feelings for her were more than friendship. The fact that this made her uncomfortable should make me glad, I thought. It meant she didn't return the sentiments.

It was the possibility that it might trigger her realization of her feelings for him that worried me. When I told myself I wouldn't worry about it now, I wasn't quite expecting it to be this soon. But if I were Jacob, then I would probably do the same thing. In his eyes, she was not going to be human for much longer. What better time to tell her?

Alice's voice echoed, in my mind. _I think you shouldn't worry about it now. _I tried to convince myself of this. There was no reason for me to think that Bella would reciprocate. It was a fear, yet, but I would only know when I saw her. Alice couldn't see anything and I would just have to be patient for a few more hours.

I groaned. Waiting would be torture. Added to the fact that I missed her, was the apprehension that felt like it was twisting my stomach into knots.

_Edward…_ I could hear Alice's thoughts not too far away. I ran in that direction.

I found her with the rest of my siblings not too far off. I could catch Carlisle's and Esme's scent a little deeper into the forest.

They were all looking at me a little anxiously. I couldn't blame them.

_How far did you go? _Emmett asked me.

"Far," I said.

"Everything all right?" Jasper asked, testing my mood.

I shrugged. There was no sense in sharing anything now, when I had only my worries to share. They would know soon enough, if there was anything to know.

"I'm heading back," I said. They looked surprised.

"Are you sure," Alice asked. "It's only been a few hours..." Translation: you have a long wait to pick Bella up.

"Yes, I'm sure," I said. Not waiting for their response, I took off home.

Alice was right though. I did have a long time to wait. Not enough time had even passed for me to start hoping she would call soon.

Maybe _I_ could call… Casually let her know I was done hunting? I would get to hear her voice then, perhaps it would give me a clue what her reaction was?

I shook my head. I was acting childishly. You will wait for her to call, I chided myself.

As our house came into view, I saw the awkward angle my car was parked. Might as well put it back in the garage, I thought. I was blocking everyone's cars.

As I approached the car, I spied something that made me groan. My cell phone was lying on the passenger seat. It had obviously dropped out of Bella's pocket in her haste to get down. I hadn't even noticed in my infuriation at Jacob.

That decided it. I would wait at the boundary line till she came. I didn't care how long it would take.

As I was turning the key in the ignition, the phone rang. I registered Bella's home number and answered on the first ring.

"Bella?" I asked not able to help the relief and happiness seeping through my words. If she was calling so soon then I maybe I had been worrying for nothing. I sped along our road. "You left the phone… I'm sorry, did Jacob drive you home?"

"Yes," she said. "Will you come and get me, please?"

"I'm on my way," I said, pulling out onto the highway and at once registering her less-than-happy tone. "What's wrong?"

"I want Carlisle to look at my hand. I think it's broken."

I felt my temper flare. Idiot of a mutt! And I'd trusted him to keep her safe! I fought to control my rising anger and flatly demanded, "What happened?"

"I punched Jacob," she said.

"Good," I said, not quite able to infuse my voice with the appropriate enthusiasm. "Though I'm sorry you're hurt."

"I wish I'd hurt _him,_" she said, sighing in frustration. "I didn't do any damage at all." She sounded sorely disappointed. My poor Bella, her frail hand wouldn't have stood a chance against the mongrel's hard skin.

But mine would. "I can fix that," I said, trying not to sound too eager.

"I was hoping you would say that," she said in satisfaction.

That was very unlike Bella, to even joke about. "That doesn't sound like you," I said, warily. She was forever trying to convince Jacob and me to be civil to one another. What had happened in so short a time to change her mind? My eyes narrowed. I realized I still didn't know _why _Bella punched him. "What did he _do_?"

"He kissed me," she growled.

I decided it was best I didn't speak. A stream of profanities ran through my mind as I accelerated the car. My fingers clenched on the steering wheel. If I wasn't careful I would snap it. With one hand.

The mutt was in deep trouble.

When I was sure the indecent words wouldn't escape from my mouth, I asked Bella, as calmly as I could, "Is the dog still there?"

"Yes," she answered shortly.

Oh… So he had the audacity to wait did he? How considerate… I'd make sure it was worth the wait.

"I'm around the corner," I said, darkly and snapped the phone off.

I slammed the brakes down, much harder than I should in front of her house and was at her doorstep before a second passed.

"How's your hand?" I heard Charlie ask her. _Hope there isn't going to be a scene. _

_This is gonna be fun! _I heard the mongrel gleefully think. My fists clenched at my side. I could show him exactly how much fun the consequences of not only failing to protect her and keep her safe, but daring to lay his filthy, mangy lips on hers would be. In fact, I was looking forward to it.

"It's swelling," Bella answered her father.

"Maybe, you should pick on people your own size," Charlie said. Yes, I thought, leave the dog to me.

"Maybe," she said, opening the door.

Her cheeks were flushed and her face a mix of pain and irritation. My mind registered her irritation with some glee. Clearly, she was not happy with the dog's little stunt. I was only too happy to emphasize that fact to him.

'Let me see," I murmured.

I gently lifted her hand and softly ran my fingers over it. Judging by what I could feel of the bone, I was almost sure it _was _broken.

"I think you're right about the break," I said. I suddenly realized how hard she must have hit him for it to break. Another indication, of how much she disliked what he had done. "I'm proud of you. You must have put some force behind this."

"As much as I have." She sighed, sounding disappointed, again, "Not enough, apparently."

I kissed her hand gently and said, "I'll take care of it." Keeping my voice even, I calmly called, "Jacob."

_Oh boy! _I heard Charlie think. "Now, now," he warned.

He heaved himself from the sofa and approached us. Jacob followed, looking enthusiastic. _Whatcha going to do to me, leech?_ he challenged, mockingly. _Bite me?_

"I don't want any fighting, do you understand?" I heard Charlie say. "I can go put on my badge on if that make my request more official."

"That won't be necessary," I said in a controlled voice. I didn't take my eyes off Jacob, hoping the cocky mutt understood the fire in them.

"Why don't you arrest me, Dad?" Bella suggested, sounding exasperated. "I'm the one throwing punches."

Charlie raised an eyebrow and asked, "Do you want to press charges, Jake?"

"No," he grinned, no shame whatsoever in his voice. "I'll take the trade any day." _It was good, leech…_

I grimaced as he re-enacted the scene where he kissed her. Would his insolence know no end?

"Dad, don't you have a baseball bat somewhere in your room," Bella said, in a dangerous voice. "I want to borrow it for a minute." I inwardly smiled at the image of her cracking the bat over his overconfident head.

"Enough, Bella," Charlie said flatly.

I thought it was best I took matters into my own hands. "Let's go have Carlisle look at your hand before you wind up in a jail cell." I said, leading her to the car. I possessively put my arm around her, as we walked.

"Fine," she said, leaning into me. I could feel the mutt watching and tightened my hold on her.

_Ha! Thinks I'm too scared to follow him, does he? _I heard him think as he followed us.

"What are you doing?" Charlie, asked him. "Are you crazy?" Hmm… Seems like Charlie thought Jacob was in actual danger. Interesting.

"Give me a minute, Charlie," he answered, easily. "Don't worry, I'll be right back."

I ignored him till I helped Bella climb in and shut the door. Then I turned around, abruptly to face him.

I spoke calmly. A passer-by would have thought we were discussing the weather.

"I'm not going to kill you now, because it would upset Bella."

"Hmph," she grumbled, in disagreement.

I looked over at her, smiling slightly. As much as I was thoroughly enjoying her infuriation with Jacob, I knew she would get over it soon. I brushed my fingers gently over her cheek and said, "It would bother you in the morning."

Turning back to the mutt, I continued, casually but deadly serious. "But if you ever bring her back damaged again – and I don't care whose fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her on the head - if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand me, mongrel?"

He rolled his eyes. _Whatever!_

"Who's going back," Bella muttered.

"And if you ever kiss her again," I said, in lethal calmness, "I _will_ break your jaw for her."

"What if she wants me to?" he drawled._ I have to try and win her somehow. Maybe she'll appreciate the change of temperature someday._ His arrogance was astounding.

"Hah!" Bella snorted.

"If that's what she wants, then I won't object," I said, indifferently. Perhaps he would learn that forcing one's self on a woman was not considered polite, even in this century. "You might want to wait for her to _say _it, rather than trust your interpretation of body language – but it's your face." I would have no qualms reshaping it for him, if he tried it again.

He grinned. Was the dog deaf? He was imagining a second kiss between them…

"You wish," Bella said.

"Yes, he does," I confirmed, softly, not batting an eyelid at his thoughts.

Finally, the mutt looked annoyed. "Well, if you're done rummaging through my head, why don't you go take care of her hand?" _She _will _ask me bloodsucker, mark my words – _

"One more thing," I said, cutting his thoughts off. "I'll be fighting for her too. You should know that. I'm not taking anything for granted and I'll be fighting twice as hard as you will," I vowed. I would not let her go that easily.

"Good," Jacob said in a hard voice. "It's no fun beating someone who forfeits."

Forfeits? "She _is _mine," I snarled, dropping all pretences at civility. My resolve to let her go if that was what she wished, momentarily vanished. He was delusional if he thought I would stand by and let him take her from me. "I didn't say I would fight fair."

"Neither did I," he countered.

"Best of luck," I sneered, unable to help myself.

"Yes, may the best _man _win," he said, pointedly.

"That sounds about right…pup," I retorted.

He winced for a second, and then composed his face, to smile at Bella. She glowered back.

"I hope your hand feels better soon. I'm really sorry you're hurt," he said.

She wordlessly turned her face away.

I couldn't help smirking as I walked around and got into the driver's seat. The mongrel watched, a hard look on his face as we took off.

_This isn't over, leech…_

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**A/N: **The next chapter will have Edward pondering a little more about this scene, especially how he's going to 'fight back'. Hope you liked it. Let me know! And let me know if there are spelling, grammar mistakes etc… Its 3am so I'm a little blurry eyed! I particularly want to know your opinion on the part where Edward is hunting. Not effective? Gory? Not realistic? Please let me know!

Eagerly awaiting reviews!


	6. Fighting Back

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! The dialogues at the beginning are from the end of Chapter 16 of Eclipse

**Author's Note: **Thanks for all the amazing reviews for the previous chapter everyone! I got some lovely suggestions and was also shown some embarrassing mistakes I had made blush I blame the time for that. It was ridiculously late when I wrote that chapter. And I don't think I need to say that all the reviews are very, very welcome.

Ok, so this one became a little longer than I expected. I wanted a part where Edward would think about the 'fighting back' thing. Knowing how his mind works it's obvious he would think about it a bit. I did want to include all the Cullen's opinions, but that would have unnecessarily dragged the story. Since the opinion we get the least about this whole issue is Esme's, I decided to include hers. I felt it was important because she can offer a mother's and a woman's opinion.

Enough with my talk now! Hope you enjoy this one too!

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The mongrel watched, a hard look on his face as we took off.

_This isn't over, leech…_

I tuned the dog's voice out of my mind as we drove towards my house. I registered his parting comment however…

I had more pressing things to occupy my thoughts for now.

"How do you feel?" I asked Bella. She was cradling her hand in her lap. I imagined it must be hurting quite a lot by now.

"Irritated," she said, clearly not meaning her arm.

I chuckled. "I meant your hand."

"I've had worse," she said, shrugging.

I couldn't disagree. "True," I said.

A flurry of thoughts hit me again. Bella's comment reminded me of how most of her recent accidents were because of me. The feeling of guilt and horror, indulged in so much, rose like familiar demons in my head.

And yet, inexplicably intertwined with the guilt was a new feeling that had awoken in me today. The urge to safeguard what was mine, what belonged to me was overriding every other emotion at the moment.

How could guilt and possession exist together?

My mind was still lingering on this confusing concept as I pulled into our garage. Rose was working on Emmett's Jeep while he held the monstrous vehicle up for her.

_What is going on with these two? First Edward now Bella. Both look irritated as hell…_

I didn't bother to explain what had happened to him, as I helped Bella climb out without further damaging herself.

_Wow! She did it again_ Emmett thought as he spied her injured hand. "Fall down again, Bella?" he asked her grinning.

She gave him a dangerous glare. I would have cautioned him that provoking Bella when she was already in a temper was not a smart idea, but he deserved her scowl after that remark.

"No Emmett. I punched a werewolf in the face," she snapped.

_Punched a wolf??? _He was speechless for a second and then burst out laughing.

I rolled my eyes and steered Bella towards the house. I could still hear Emmett's thoughts.

_This has to mean she punched the Black boy. Why though….? Edward…? _I could see the wheels turn. _Do you have some competition bro?_

I did _not _need this pointed out.

"Jasper's going to win the bet," I heard Rose say complacently. _If this is what her reactions are when she's human, well then…_

Emmett's laughter immediately ceased as his thoughts turned to monetary matters. _Aw hell! She has a point. Damn! This better be a one time thing. Jazz'll never let me forget it if I lose this one…_

I stiffened, hoping Bella hadn't heard that last remark.

No such luck.

"What bet?" she demanded, looking at me.

"Let's get you to Carlisle," I urged, mentally cursing Rose. I looked at Emmett and shook my head imperceptibly.

"_What bet?_" she insisted and whirled around to face me.

I inwardly groaned. Her stubborn streak would insist on this matter being known. Why Emmett and Jasper had to indulge in such childish pastimes was beyond me. I tightened my hold on her waist and pulled her along.

"Edward…" she grumbled.

"It's infantile." I shrugged, hoping to sound matter-of-fact. "Emmett and Jasper like to gamble."

"Emmett will tell me," she said, trying to turn but failing in my iron hold around her arms.

I sighed. "They're betting on how many times you…" I hesitated, not wanting to say 'kill', "slip up in the first year."

I felt her wince and saw the true impact of my words twist her beautiful features. "They have a bet on how many people I'll kill?"

"Yes," I admitted. "Rosalie thinks your temper will turn the odds in Jasper's favour."

'Jasper's betting high?" she asked.

"It will make him feel better if you had a hard time adjusting." I said, by way of explanation. My brother's bet had more to do with his hopes that, for once, someone might have less control than him, rather than his opinion on Bella's self control. I knew better than anyone, how he felt about being the weakest amongst all of us when it came to resisting human blood, a feeling that had increased a thousand times more after Bella's disastrous eighteenth birthday. "He's tired of being the weakest link," I explained to her.

"Sure," she said, in a flat voice. "Of course it will. I guess I could throw in a few extra homicides, if it makes Jasper happy? Why not?" She was starting to sound incoherent.

I pulled her closer and said softly, "You don't need to worry about it now. In fact, you don't need to worry about it ever, if you don't want to."

She gave a small groan and I pulled her towards the house and inside faster.

Esme was sitting on the sofa with Alice when I walked in.

"Carlisle," I called softly. I knew he would hear me.

"Sweetheart what happened?" my mother asked Bella, in concern.

_Does this have something to do with your weird behaviour today and my inability to see anything?_ Alice asked me.

I nodded to her as Bella answered Esme's question.

"I…er punched Jacob,"

Esme's eyes widened as Alice raised an eyebrow.

I could feel Esme's concern and Alice putting two and two together.

_Punched Jacob Black….? Oh but that must have been excruciating…She must be in so much pain…_

_Well, Edward. I guess this should answer your questions right?_

I didn't answer my sister's pointed question as Carlisle entered. He took one look at Bella and motioned us to the dining room.

I scanned Carlisle's thoughts as he examined Bella's hand. I had been right; her hand was broken but not as badly as I thought. There was only a small fissure in one knuckle. I could see him contemplating if she would need a cast.

"Would you prefer a cast or a brace, Bella?" he asked her.

She shook her head, as if she were coming out of a reverie.

"A brace, I think," she said.

"All right," Carlisle said, "but you will have to keep it on for some time. No taking it off until I say so…"

She nodded and fell back into her thoughts.

I watched her curiously as Carlisle worked quickly on her arm. What was she thinking about? Did her arm hurt her still?

"Are you in pain?" I asked her. "Maybe we should give her a painkiller, Carlisle," I suggested.

He nodded in agreement as Bella protested she was all right. I handed her the medicine and a glass of water nevertheless.

_Edward, may I speak to you for a moment, please? _Esme called from the other room.

I looked at Bella. She was thinking, deep in another world. It reminded me of the day when she realized that graduation was closer than she realized. What was her preoccupation this time? I felt the familiar frustration at being unable to read her mind sweep over me again.

Murmuring "I'll be back," into her ear, I went to the living room. Esme was still seated on the sofa and she patted the spot next to her, indicating I should sit. My sister had vanished.

_Alice just shared some concerns you had about Jacob and Bella, Edward_ Esme said.

"She did, did she?" I said, dryly. How I had not heard this exchange? I must have been concentrating more on Bella than I thought.

Esme gave me a mildly reproachful look before she asked, "Why _did_ Bella hit Jacob?"

"He kissed her," I spat out, the furious, possessive rage I had felt earlier flooding over me again. I calmed myself with the utmost difficulty.

_Oh_ I heard Esme think.

"Without her consent," I clarified. I was still amazed at the mongrel's gall to take advantage of her like that.

_I see…_

I looked at my mother. Her lips were pursed and her expression thoughtful, yet she was concealing what she was thinking.

_So you are angry that he behaved that way with her…? _she asked.

I raised an eyebrow. Wasn't it obvious enough already?

_Yes I can see that you are _"But why, Edward?"

Why? "Why?" I repeated her question, rather blankly. I still couldn't hear any of her thoughts.

"Are you angry with Jacob Black merely because he didn't treat Bella with respect and was the reason for her to break her hand? Or are you angry because he took the liberty to do something only you have the right to do with someone you consider to be yours?

I froze.

_I thought as much._

I looked at Esme. She was giving me a knowing look. A look only a mother can give her son when she has managed to trick him into admitting something he never, under normal circumstances would have, something he was refraining from admitting even to himself.

I reluctantly looked at her. Her eyes, softened. I couldn't deny how I felt, even if I wanted to. How I really felt was plainly visible to my mother.

_But I don't understand why you think feeling that way is wrong, son? _she asked.

She waited for me to respond. I wasn't sure what to say, where to begin? The thoughts were all tangled in my brain.

"Why should I fight for something I shouldn't have?" I finally whispered.

"Edward, don't say that," Esme said, compassion ringing in her every word.

"Doesn't make it any less true," I said. "By being with me, she is sacrificing so much. I should be discouraging her, not fighting for her," I said, disgusted with myself.

_You know Bella will pay no heed to discouragement _she said. She was thinking of the first few months of our acquaintance, when I had unsuccessfully tried to convince Bella I was no good to be around her, much less be her friend. "Besides, separation didn't work out so well for either of you, as I'm sure you recall," she added quietly.

The mere memory of that bleak period sent a violent wave of agony through me. "Yes, I remember," I managed to say.

Esme looked apologetic at having to remind me of that time. _It is not wrong to fight for something or someone Edward. Especially when that someone is Bella._

"Why?" I asked, bitterly.

"Because you love each other," my mother said, simply. "With an intensity that will rival the feelings of any other. That gives you all the right in the world to fight for her."

I didn't respond to that.

"Bella loves Jacob too," I said. "She just…hasn't realized it yet."

"All the more reason for you to fight harder," my mother said.

"But it was my doing," I countered weakly. "When I left her, she turned to him. It's my fault."

"I know that," Esme agreed. For some reason, the fact that she didn't contradict what I said sent a stabbing pain through me. "But," she continued, before I could say anything, "Here is your chance to rectify that mistake."

I was silent.

"Love, especially requited love, gives us extraordinary privileges, son," she said, softly. "One of them is the prerogative to defend the object of that love."

My mother looked straight into my eyes. "Fight for her, Edward," she said, and I saw a strong emotion I had never seen before, burn in her own. "It will be unspoken proof of your commitment to her. I'm telling you this not only as your mother, but also as a woman and a woman who is in love herself. Trust me."

She let me mull this over in my mind. I could hear Carlisle finishing up with Bella in the other room. I stood up to join them.

"Oh, and Edward," Esme said, as I turned to go. _Don't blame Jacob too much._ "You would have done the same, were the situation reversed."

"I would have never touched her without her wanting me to," I protested, a little stung at the implication.

"I wasn't particularly referring to him kissing her," she said, a slight smile on her lips. "I meant trying anything he can to win her." _After all, he doesn't have the advantage you have of being loved by her. He's fighting…_

I grinned back at my mother. She had made her point. On an impulse, I went back and wrapped my arms around her. "Thank you," I said softly.

_Anything for you, my son _she said planting a light kiss on my hair. "Now go. She's waiting for you."

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you home," I asked Bella, a few minutes later.

"No," she answered. "Let's stay for a while." She looked at me. "If it's ok with you?"

"Anything you do is fine with me," I answered, lightly.

We walked out onto the porch and Bella sat down on the top step. As soon as I sat down beside her, she turned and stretched out, laying her head on my lap. I felt the familiar sparks ignite as she squirmed and rested her head against my stomach. Hey eyes closed.

"Sleepy?" I asked her, as my fingers combed her hair out.

"A little drowsy," she said, "I think it's the painkillers."

I laughed softly. Despite the somewhat stressful afternoon, I was feeling amazingly content at the moment. It was difficult not to be so when Bella was with me like this.

My mind wandered to the conversation I'd had with Esme. I marveled at the profound wisdom in her words. Somehow it was hard to convince myself that she was wrong. Whether it was because she _was _right or because I wanted it to be true, or both, I didn't know, but the protective, possessive feeling hadn't left me all day.

It was strange. I had seen for myself as well as heard in their minds, how the boys in school thought of Bella. I had admitted to myself, long ago that it made me jealous. But ever since Bella and I had been together, their thoughts only caused a faint irritation in me. In fact, whenever I would feel their eyes on her, I felt like giving them all a satisfactory, gloating smirk.

But today, I had felt nothing but rage. The dog had defied all laws of etiquette concerning Bella. Even in this century, it was still considered rude to touch, much less kiss a woman against her will.

I had been and still was murderously angry at how he had assumed he could do what he pleased with what was mine. I couldn't deny it any longer. Bella was mine and no matter how right it would be for her to be with anyone else, or how wrong it was for her to be with me, I wanted her to be mine forever. In other words, I would fight till she belonged to me. I couldn't quite explain to myself how I felt. I certainly didn't want to claim her in the chauvinistic way men thought of women in my day. But certainly in the sense, that I wanted to be a part of her as much as she was a part of me.

A soft hand against my cheek brought me back to earth. I looked down to see Bella smiling softly at me. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," I said, smiling back at her. Her fingers danced across my face before it dropped down again. The sparks blazed…

"What are you thinking?" she asked. I smiled at her use of my usual line.

"I was trying to decide if I was angrier at Jacob for being so disrespectful to you or for trying to usurp my duties on what is mine," I said.

"Mmm…" she said, snuggling closer to me. "I like the sound of that."

"Of what?"

"What's yours…"

I took her uninjured hand in mine and gently kissed her fingertips.

"I probably stink right now, don't I," she said, apologetically.

She did, but I didn't particularly care at the moment. "Yes," I agreed, my lips moving to her palm, "But it really doesn't bother me at the moment."

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that today," she said.

"Whatever are you apologizing for?" I asked, incredulously. "Isn't that part of my 'duties'? To protect you from the other potential suitors?" I joked lightly. "Besides, if anybody has to any apologizing it's Jacob."

"True," she agreed. "Ugh! I can't believe how obnoxious he was today," she said, angrily. "I called him obnoxious too," she added as an afterthought.

I laughed. "Did you?" He must have loved that.

She grinned, in spite of herself. "Actually, to be precise, I think I called him a pushy, obnoxious, moronic dog!"

I looked at her in surprise. And then grinned widely. She must have been even more infuriated than I thought. No matter what he usually said or did she would never use derogatory terms on him. He had clearly crossed several lines today. The feeling was making me light-headed.

"Well then, I think I should reclaim what was taken, don't you think?" I whispered, letting my breath fan over her face.

Her eyes glazed over and I thrilled as I always did, at the affect I seemed to have on her. Shifting her so that she was now sitting on my lap, I brought her face closer, until her sweet lips met mine. The mongrel's smell couldn't compete with her heady scent.

She slowly brought her arms around my neck and responded feverishly. Ignoring the fire that had started to burn somewhere inside my chest for one blessed moment, I pulled away and repeatedly planted kiss after kiss on her lips.

The fire was steadily traveling down and with supreme effort I pulled away from her and leaned my forehead against hers. Now was not the time to lose self-control even though my body ached to have her closer. Her breathing was ragged and the smell of the blood pounding in her veins mixed with the smell of freesias that always surrounded her was perfuming the air around us.

"I love you," she whispered, softly kissing my nose.

"And I, you," I whispered back, overwhelmed at this girl, this beautiful angel who was mine and only mine.

She shivered a little and I suddenly realized it was getting late. Gently disentangling her arms from my neck I placed a final kiss on her forehead and said, "Time to get you home I think."

She simply smiled and for once, allowed me to carry her to my car.

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A/N:

Like I said in the previous chapter, please don't just add me onto story and author alerts or add me onto favourite author and leave it that. I simply treasure your comments and suggestions.

So now review! =D


	7. Terror

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! The dialogues from the graduation onwards are from Chapter 16 of Eclipse

**Author's Note: **Sorry this took a while folks! I just want to say my updates may be a weeny bit slow these days. I have the written paper of my Teacher's Diploma exam for Speech and Drama coming up on the 16th, so I have to study as well. But I'll keep updating don't worry. Writing these is how I de-stress myself =)

Oh and by the way I _finally _updated my profile with some info about myself (in case any of you wanted to know more about me) I uploaded a profile pic too! Yay! It's actually this pretty cool fan made New Moon poster I found on the web. You should check it out.

Anyway hope you enjoy this one! As always please, please review. Thanks to all who reviewed the previous chapter and please continue to do so…

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"This is by far the worst graduation robe I have seen in my life. Ever!" Alice complained, trying it on.

I grinned. Trust my sister to worry about how we were going to look, when we had far more pressing issues to think about.

"Tell me about it. You're all going to look like eggs," Emmett said, taking his eyes off the TV to grin mischievously. He took another look at Alice wearing the yellow robe and added, "Rotten eggs." Jasper whacked him on the head, from his place on the sofa.

Alice stuck her tongue out at him and swept the robe off her shoulders with a shudder. I distinctly heard her sickeningly mutter, "Polyester!" before she resumed her work. She was immersed in the final arrangements for the party to be held at our house this evening.

There were only a few more hours left before we had to be at the high school for the ceremony. Graduation had turned into an event we all simply regarded as part of our human façade. After one graduates both from high school and college several times over, it becomes no different from any other day.

Except this year.

This particular graduation was more symbolic than any other. At least, for me. In more ways than one, I sometimes wished it would never come to pass. No matter how much Bella insisted that being one of us was all she desired, my conscience still whispered it was selfish. Try as I might, I couldn't completely drown that voice.

"Oh," Alice said, pausing in the act of unwrapping several boxes of coloured lights.

My eyes flew to her in alarm. What had she seen?

Contrary to the images I was half expecting of the Volturi, or some form of mayhem in Seattle I saw an image of Bella, staring at her open closet, looking dejected. The look on her face was so adorable it made me smile.

"Looks like Bella's having a last minute fashion crisis," she murmured. _You should've let me take her shopping for a graduation dress, Edward._

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I'm sure she would've been dying to go," I said, dryly.

"Well she _is_ in desperate need of a new wardrobe after whoever it was helped themselves to hers," Alice said.

I scowled. I didn't need reminding of Bella's unknown visitor.

"I need to go," Alice said, getting to her feet.

"Already?" Jsaper asked her.

"Well, I need to go buy a dress for Bella or she'll wind up with nothing but her sweatpants to wear to graduation," she said in mock horror.

I raised my eyebrows at her. Bella could come in her sweatpants for all it mattered to me. She would still look beautiful. I saw Alice mentally imagining different styles of dresses…

_Edward, don't peek! _she said, grinning at me. "You'll enjoy the effects in a while."

Grabbing her wallet she danced to the door. Before she left, she pointedly looked at Emmett and Jasper and said, "I suppose one of you might be nice enough to drape those lights on the trees for me."

"Losing our touch at the immaculate planning, little sister?" Emmett asked.

"No," she said, "Merely wondering if my assumption at your inability to be useful was wrong."

"We'll do it, Alice don't worry," Jasper said.

Alice smiled triumphantly and blew him a kiss before speeding off.

"Speak for yourself," Emmett muttered.

Smiling at the playful banter, I rose and went up to my room. Listening to my siblings' teasing each other, anyone would think we had no worries at all, I thought sitting on my bed. Which was far from the truth. Between someone creating newborns in Seattle, Bella's mysterious visitor and a possible visit from the Volturi, we all had been very preoccupied of late. Jasper had had no luck in trying to contact with Peter and Charlotte and Carlisle was sill trying to locate some of his old friends.

I was still irked at the Denali clan's flat refusal to help us. I understood Irina's side, though out of all people why she had to favour Laurent was beyond me. However for them to refuse outright when they knew what was at stake….

Every instance I thought of the mortal danger Bella was in, my insides curled. Jasper's story and the realization at what was most probably after us had shocked her and that night she had dissolved into tears…

* * *

"Shh, love, it's all right," I said softly, gently rocking her back and forth.

She continued to cry, huddled against my chest. I tucked her head under my chin and pressed her even closer to me. I wish I knew how to stop her tears. I hated having her so scared.

Slowly her sobs subsided as she continued to lie in my arms. I slowly drew back and raised her chin up with my finger. "You know I would _never _let anything or anyone harm you." I told her.

"It's not me I'm afraid for…" she whispered, her eyes full of sadness. "If anything happens to any of you…"

I smiled at her. How typical of Bella to be afraid for the people who were in the least danger.

"Sweetheart, we have been looking after ourselves for a while," I gently reminded her. "We can handle this, even without help."

"I know that," she said, "But Jasper said it would be at a price…"

It was true. The scale wasn't even. Our special skills wouldn't be much use if we were heavily outnumbered. But I couldn't afford to show my true concern to Bella. My only priority was to keep her safe.

"Yes, but that was a worst case-scenario," I told her, brushing her hair out of her face.

"And what if the worst happens, Edward?" she demanded. "What if we lose? What if the price is one of you? I couldn't _stand _that," she nearly wailed, the tears beginning to leak out of her chocolate brown eyes again.

I gently wiped them away and said, "We have to hope it all works out for the best, love,"

"Your family means so much to me, Edward," she said. "I love them like my own. The thought of anything happening to any of you…" she shuddered, not finishing her sentence. Her eyes locked on mine and I saw the anguish burn in them. She raised her small hand to my face and held my cheek, "If anything happens to you…"

The grief in her voice, twisted my dead heart and I closed the minute space between us and kissed her, hoping my lips would convey what my words couldn't seem to.

Breaking away when she finally had to breathe, I held her face in my hands and looked into her eyes. "I made you a promise that I would never leave your side again. And I intend to keep it," I said, fervently.

She wound her arms around my neck and placed soft kisses all over my face. Even in the midst of the somber mood, the sparks blazed at the feel of her warm lips on my cold skin.

"I'm just so scared for you," she said, against my mouth. "I can't lose you…"

"And you won't," I promised, stroking her cheek. "The lease on my life is in the hands of a very protective, brown eyed girl," I said, attempting to lighten the mood a little. "I feel very safe."

She gave me a sad smile.

I glanced at the clock and said, "You should sleep."

She tightened her arms around me. Not letting go I lifted her in one arm and drew her covers back with the other. Gently placing her on the bed I tucked her in and lay down next to her.

"Try not to think about this unless we really have to all right?" I said, running my fingers through her hair. "We still don't know for sure what will happen."

She sighed. "I'll try," she said in a small voice.

"That's my girl," I said, kissing her on the forehead. "Now get some sleep."

* * *

I had held her all night. Her dreams were clearly not peaceful. When I tried to move my arm so she wouldn't be in the awkward position she had rolled onto in her sleep, she whimpered as soon as my body lost contact with hers.

I rose. It was time to get dressed for the graduation myself. While I got ready, I hoped that we could come up with a decisive plan soon. The sooner we were rid of this danger the better for all our peace of mind. And Bella would be safe.

* * *

I was riding to the school with Bella and Charlie in the police car. I knew my presence was irritating Charlie but I wasn't prepared to let Bella out of my sight.

The sight of me sitting behind the fiberglass divider was thoroughly amusing to Charlie.

_Almost as if he got caught for something! Hah! Pity Dr. Cullen keeps them all in line. _

Bella caught my eye through the rearview mirror and imperceptibly raised an eyebrow. I was sure she had caught onto Charlie's more than hopeful expression as well as my amused one. I thought she looked slightly distracted, however.

"Are you all right?" I asked her, helping her out of the car when we reached the high school.

"Nervous," she said.

I wanted to ask her about what specifically, but my mouth had a mind of its own. "You look beautiful," I said, longing to kiss her. A blush began to rise on her cheeks. I never wanted to look away.

Charlie walked in between us and very obviously put his arm around Bella and steered her away. I followed in good grace. This was an emotional moment for him, after all.

I watched Bella walk into the school, slightly leaning against her father, while he tried to convince her she needed to look more cheerful. I couldn't help but admire her graceful body sway under the sweater and skirt she wore. It hugged her in all the right places. I made a mental note to thank Alice for her choice of dress. She knew I loved Bella in blue.

Speaking of Alice, I hadn't seen her. I couldn't see her and neither could I hear her thoughts anywhere. Where was she?

I continued to look for her as Bella and I walked into the gymnasium.

"Up front, Mr. Cullen," Mr. Varner snapped at me.

"Hey Bella," I heard Jessica Stanley call to Bella.

I was reluctant to leave her side for this brief period as well. I gave her a quick kiss and walked towards the front half of the line.

I watched Bella being enthusiastically greeted by Jessica. My eyes narrowed. Why was she being so friendly? She had never had warm feelings Bella and whatever semblance of friendship she felt had evaporated beginning of this year.

_I can't even believe we're graduating! Oh my God! The time went so fast. And Bella's moving all the way to Alaska… That's like such a weird place to go. I can't believe she invited me to the party today. At the Cullens' too! It had to be her suggestion, I don't think they like me too much. I sorta feel bad I was a bit of a bitch to her. But she was acting so weird beginning of this year….Anyway…._

Hmm… Graduation nostalgia. I was faintly impressed she had it in her.

The rest of the ceremony passed quickly. I finally heard Alice whirl in seconds before her name was called. Why was she going over the Battle Hymn of the Republic? In Arabic, no less? What was she trying to hide from me?

She switched to Korean sign language and whirled out as soon as she had her diploma in hand. I gave up trying to guess what it is she was concealing. I would find out sooner or later. I concentrated on watching Bella receive her diploma. Her brown hair lay in soft waves over her shoulders and she looked the vision of loveliness despite the garish cloak and the brace on her arm. She turned and gave a self conscious wave as the principal handed her, her diploma.

The dog was here as well. I watched in stony silence as he pulled Charlie to his feet and gave Bella a loud cheer. She gave them something resembling a smile when she heard.

She looked for me as she came and stood in the assembled line of graduates and I smiled at her warmly.

Within minutes the ceremony was over and students were throwing their graduation caps in the air in jubilation. I removed both the cap and cloak and made my way to Bella. Jessica hugged her and ran off as I approached her.

"Congratulations," I whispered in her ear, winding my arms around her waist. I couldn't quite manage to inject the necessary enthusiasm into my voice, though I was proud of her.

"Um, thanks," she said.

I looked at her. "You don't look like you're over the nerves yet."

"Not quite yet," she said.

"What's left to worry about? The party? It won't be that horrible." Maybe I would be able to manage one dance with Bella.

"You're probably right," she said, distractedly. Her eyes were darting all over.

"Who are you looking for?" I wondered if she was searching for the mongrel.

"Alice," she said, instead. "Where is she?"

"She ran out as soon as she had her diploma." I said. I couldn't help wonder what she was trying so hard to keep from me. I knew my family needed their privacy but there was never a good reason why they would purposely keep me out of their thoughts. Had she seen something?

"Worrying about Alice? Bella's voice broke into my thoughts.

"Er…" I didn't want to worry her.

"What was she thinking about anyway? To keep you out, I mean."

My eyes flashed to her face. Bella looked as if she knew more than she was letting on. "She was translating the Battle Hymn of the Republic into Arabic, actually. When she finished that, she moved onto Korean sign language."

Bella gave a nervous laugh. "I suppose that _would _keep her head busy enough."

She knew. "You know what she's hiding from me." I accused. If Alice had seen something why did she have to tell Bella?

"Sure," she said, smiling weakly. "I'm the one who came up with it."

Bella? Came up with what? I waited for her to explain herself.

She looked around, presumably for Charlie and whispered in a rush, "Knowing Alice, she'll probably try to keep this from you until after the party. But since I'm all for the party to be canceled – well, don't go berserk, regardless, okay? It's always better to know as much as possible. It has to help somehow."

I was still puzzled. "What are you talking about?" I demanded.

"Just stay calm, okay?"

I nodded, though I didn't quite mean it. This did not sound good.

"I think you're wrong about the things coming at us from all sides," she began in hurried whispers. "I think it's mostly coming from one side… and I think it's coming at me really,"

I froze. _What?_

Bella went on. "It's all connected, it has to be. It's just one person who's messing with Alice's visions. The stranger in my room was a test, to see if someone could get around her. It's got to be the same one who keeps changing his mind, and the newborns, and stealing my clothes – all of it goes together. My scent is for them."

_My_ _God! _She was right. I didn't trust myself to speak.

"But no one's coming for you don't you see? This is good – Esme and Alice and Carlisle, no one wants to hurt them!"

_Good? _How could she give this situation a more inappropriate name? This was far, far worse. I could see my panic-stricken eyes reflected in hers.

She placed her hand on my cheek and begged, "Calm."

Charlie came over then and swept Bella in a congratulatory hug. My arms ached when I couldn't feel her anymore. The dread that had started to rise in my chest increased by the second. The voices and thoughts around us buzzed in my ears like mindless drone. All I wanted to do was take her in my arms and run as far away as possible. My mind was racing a million miles an hour. Why hadn't we seen this? It was deliberate. A set up to get to Bella. I could feel my horror give way to a murderous anger. They were after Bella…. They were after Bella… _My _Bella.

The possessive fury swooped down on me with no warning. I flexed my fingers and struggled to stay in control. The least I could do was not break anything. Trying to maintain my composure was next to impossible. Like nightmarish déjà vu, I remembered the last time I had felt this way was when James had attacked Bella. All I wanted to do then was rip him into shreds. Unfortunately, at this moment I had no one I could take my anger out on.

I had to get away. Immediately.

As if from far away, I heard Charlie ask "You coming, too, Edward?"

I looked at Bella. Her eyes were pleading. But I knew, without a doubt, I would do something without thinking, if I had to pretend that everything was fine for any longer.

"No, thank you," I said, my voice coming out harsher than necessary.

I saw Charlie's face turn confused at my tone. "Do you have plans with your parents?"

"Yes. If you'll excuse me…" I turned and walked through the crowd of people. I could tell I was walking a little too fast but that I was walking at anything near human velocity was itself a miracle.

I stormed out of the school and ran into the nearby forest. I wasn't going to take my eyes off Bella for a second.

My fingers balled into tight fists as I stood concealed within the green. Had I been human I would have broken my own hand with the effort I was using to try and not do something drastic. I could feel the control slipping away from me. I wanted to uproot the thickest trees, slam into the biggest boulders, release the fury that was sweeping over me wave after wave after wave.

They wanted to harm Bella did they? Let them come, I thought grimly. Let them try to harm one hair on her beautiful head. I would love nothing better than to illustrate what a delusional thought that was. I would rip them apart, with no qualm. _Anyone _who even imagined any harm to her did not deserve to live.

I could feel the snarls building in my throat as the furious thoughts ran through my head. I barely felt my phone vibrating in my pocket.

"What?" I growled, struggling not to crush the tiny instrument under my trembling fingers.

"Calm down Edward," Alice's voice came over the phone. "If you're not careful you're going to do something we will all regret."

Calm down? She wanted me to calm down?

A snarl escaped my mouth.

"Yes, I know you're on the verge of losing it right now. Trust me, I saw," she said. "But she's in no immediate danger. You know none of us would let anything happen to her."

I did. But…

I heard her sigh. "I'm sending Jasper over there. Just please don't do anything stupid and bring her here ok? We'll figure out what to do then."

I managed to grunt in response and shoved the phone back in my pocket.

Almost immediately I felt a soothing wave of calm.

I turned around to see Jasper watching me.

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding for a while.

"Thank you," I said to him.

_Don't mention it _he thought walking towards me. _Better?_

I nodded. I was anxious still, yes but I was fairly sure I wouldn't be destroying anything.

"Did Alice tell you everything?" I asked him.

He nodded brusquely. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked me straight in the eye. "It doesn't look promising," he said somberly.

My eyes narrowed. No, it didn't. But it didn't mean that all of us wouldn't try as hard as we could to come out of it in one piece.

The scent of freesias was suddenly in the air. Bella emerged from the school doors with Charlie and walked towards the cruiser.

_I'll meet you at home _I heard Jasper think _You will be all right?_

"Yes, I think so," I said. He grasped my shoulder before taking off while I followed the cruiser, unseen, to The Lodge, where Charlie was taking her for dinner.

I stood in the shadows as close to the restaurant as I could get. Blocking out all the frivolous sounds of people talking, I concentrated as hard as I could on any scent or sound of danger. My eyes moved from sweeping the surroundings to Bella. Every so often I would run around the restaurant making sure she was safe from every side.

Part of me knew I was overreacting. There was nothing to suggest anything would happen now. But what if? All the impossibilities were starting to become terrifyingly possible and I did not want to take a second's chance. Becoming paranoid was a lot more appealing than losing Bella. My insides ached at the very thought.

I could see from where I stood that she wanted to leave as much as I wanted her to. She wasn't eating, hiding the pieces from her hamburger in her napkin. I made a note to make her eat something when we went to my house. She needed her strength.

My arms ached to hold her. I never wanted to let her go. For the umpteenth time I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let _anything_ get within a hundred feet of her. I would tear every person who tried to harm her into pieces myself.

After what seemed like forever, Charlie finally rose. Bella came out and leaned against the car while he stopped to say goodnight to everyone.

I couldn't help myself. I had to have her in my arms, for a few seconds at least. It felt like I needed to feel her to reassure myself.

I stepped out of the shadows and wordlessly went up to her, pulling her to my chest as tight as I could. I pulled her chin up to mine and kissed her with a sort of manic despair. I inhaled her sweet scent and felt the ache climb into my chest at the thought of losing her.

Reminding myself she had to breathe, I reluctantly let her go.

"How are you?" she asked me.

"Not so great," I admitted. I was still reeling from the thought of someone hurting her. "But I've got a handle on myself. I'm sorry that I lost it back there," I apologized. I knew I must have worried her.

"My fault. I should have waited to tell you."

"No," I firmly disagreed. "This is something I needed to know. I can't believe I didn't see it!" I said, astounded at how blind we all had been.

"You've got a lot on you mind," she soothed, when rightly I should be the one doing the soothing. How was she taking this so calmly?

"And you don't?" I could feel the panic rising in my voice again. Without waiting for her to answer I pressed my lips to hers again.

_I know she doesn't like parties, but I hope she has a good time…_

I heard Charlie approach and pulled away. "Charlie's on his way," I said.

"I'll have him drop me at your house."

"I'll follow you there," I said and disappeared before she could say anything.

I ran behind the car, keeping out of sight. It was all I could do to stop myself from stopping Charlie and just taking Bella and running home. I only vaguely noticed the lights that Alice had had draped on the trees at intervals all the way down our road.

I watched from a distance as Charlie parked in front of my house. Bella stepped out laughing at something Charlie had said. For a moment I lost myself in her beautiful smile. Knowing the imminent danger that was so close, it made the dull ache that had been in me give a vicious throb at the thought that someone wanted to take that smile away from the world.

Bella watched her father drive back and made her way up the porch steps. I emerged from where I was concealed and followed her.

"Bella?" I whispered.

As she turned I pulled her against me again. I hated feeling as if our days were numbered but the dread would not subside. I knew I was frightening her with the hopelessness that she could surely feel in the desperate way I crushed her lips to mine once more. But I needed to feel her, tangible under my oversensitive skin. I wanted to mould her body against mine and be that way forever. The sparks blazed higher as I tried to tell her how much I loved her in that one kiss. Like it would be the last we would share…

I forced the morbid thought out of my mind. Gently pulling away from her, I cradled her face in my hands and promised her again, "I won't let anything happen to you."

She brought her fingertip to my lips. They burned under her soft, warm touch as she said, "I'm not worried about myself so much."

"Why am I not surprised by that?" I muttered. Trust her to place any thoughts of her own safety last. "Ready to celebrate?" I asked her, determined to act normal for her sake as much as anyone else's.

I smiled slightly at her groan and we entered the house, my arm holding her to me as close as possible.

**

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A/N:

Review, review… =) 


	8. Her Intentions

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me!

**Author's Note: **Sorry everyone for the late update. Lots of things have been happening. First I finished my exam so now I'm finally not preoccupied with Romantic and Victorian poets or the method of Voice Production or the importance of mime to be distracted. The paper was much easier than I expected so I'm pretty optimistic.

On a second and infinitely more important note there were things happening in the country to sufficiently distract me. If any of you have been following the news you would have seen that the civil war in Sri Lanka between the government and the terrorists ended after nearly three decades. It's been a very emotional time for all of us. I am beyond relieved and thankful that it is finally over and I hope to see my beautiful island haven become the Paradise once was to the fullest without the terror, without the fear and without the agony. We have suffered enough. Now all of you can safely come and witness for yourselves the beauty that it is. Just wanted to share that with you and I hope you can understand why I was not quite in a fandom mood.

Moving on to this actual chapter, I was going to continue it but I sort of felt that it should be one on its own. Sort of like a bridge passage into the next passage. It's a little short but cannot be helped.

I also added a small part into the middle of the previous chapter. I was re-reading it and suddenly realized that there was no way Edward would calm down so quickly after Bella reveals her idea to him at graduation. I felt he would need some help before the ripped a tree out or something. So go back and check that part out too.

Ok that was long! I'll shut up now! =D

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As I raced through the forest, she fell asleep in my arms.

It was amazing what a turn my feelings had taken. They couldn't be more different than a matter of hours ago when I was terrified for her life. Now I felt hopeful, optimistic, even eager to have the opportunity to finally come face to face with the fools who thought they could hurt my Bella.

I scaled her wall and gently placed her on the bed. I contemplated waking her up so she could change into something more comfortable but she was in such a deep sleep I decided she wouldn't notice. I carefully removed the jacket she was wearing and tucked her comforter around her before lying next to her.

It had been an interesting few hours. The plan we had was flawless. I could feel it. What vampire would expect an attack from wolves, let alone wolves and vampires working together? The newborns would be thwarted easily and it would be undoubtedly simple for the seven of us and the wolves to deal with any mature members.

I remembered Bella's theory that Victoria was the creator. My lips curled at the mere thought of her. If it were not for Bella I may have felt sympathy for her. After all, the loss of a mate was unbearable to our kind. I knew that better than anyone. Avenging their murder was almost a knee-jerk reflex. But her irrational plan to make Bella pay for it, to make her suffer was sadistic and for that she had gained in me a formidable enemy. If Bella was right and it was her then I would look forward to when I myself, could demonstrate exactly what a bad idea than was.

Bella shifted and cuddled closer to me. Her hand patted around until it found mine and she tucked our interwoven hands under her cheek.

It was little acts like this that sent a wave of pleasure through me so strong it hurt. With her simple gestures, even in unconsciousness, she would show me how much my presence meant to her, how much she needed me. It was impossible for me to not feel immensely loved. I reached over with my free hand and softly brushed a few stray strands of hair from her face so that I could see it more clearly.

I feasted my eyes on her peaceful face. My gaze lingered for long moments on her eyes, her adorable nose, her soft, full, sensual lips and her lovely chin, which I had seen more than once stiffen in stubbornness. A smile turned the corner of mouth upwards. My beautiful, beautiful Bella…. Delicate in body, yet so, so strong in mind. And she was all mine, I thought proudly.

She brought up her hand to absentmindedly scratch her nose and it slipped back into mine. My eyes fell on the bracelet on her hand. Of course, the mongrel had given it to her. A graduation present.

A stab of something I wasn't quite able to identify went through me. It was with the greatest difficulty that I restrained myself from giving Bella something for graduation. It was one of the rare instances we had agreed to disagree. I so longed to spoil her. I could think of a million different things to buy for her. Of course regular gifts would never do for Bella. But there were a few items I was dying to give her. A leather-bound collector's edition of Shakespeare, or Austen, necklaces that would look stunning on her creamy throat, antique lockets and picture frames….the list went on. But I knew she would be upset if I did.

Why was _he _allowed to give her presents? I could see a corner of the figurine he had carved. I grudgingly had to admit the craftsmanship was…good. Rather presumptuous, though I thought to give her an identical representation of himself.

I wondered if she would be more open to gifts that I hadn't actually purchased myself. My mother's jewelry was simply sitting in my room with no one to wear them. There was only so much I could gift to Esme and Alice. I had been saving some of them to give Bella on a special occasion. Surely she would allow me that? As long as I told her it wasn't a diamond….

Dawn was breaking. I was sure Bella would sleep through the morning. Her day had been a long one. Not the most relaxed one either.

The sun was steadily rising, sending soft waves of light into Bella's room. It reflected off my skin very slightly onto her bedroom wall. The shimmer reminded me of something…

There was one particular piece of my mother's belongings that I wanted to see on Bella with an intensity that I wasn't sure was completely rational. One of my clearest human memories was my mother telling me that the ring my father proposed to her with would one day be mine to place on the finger of my betrothed. I was aching to fulfill that. Every time I imagined her graceful finger adorned with the diamond ring I was sure I was grinning like a fool. I could see it so clearly, myself joyfully showing Bella off as my fiancée… That dream I was determined to achieve sooner or later.

A sudden whimper brought me back to earth.

I looked at Bella anxiously. Was she having a nightmare? Lately her bad dreams had subsided. But I would never forget the first few weeks after our return from Italy where she would clearly be screaming in her sleep and wake up with tears pouring down her cheeks.

I scrutinized her face. The peaceful look had gone and her eyebrows were scrunched up as if she were trying to solve a difficult problem. Her eyelids twitched. I knew the talking would begin soon… hopefully that would clue me into what she was dreaming about.

"Find…him…" she mumbled.

My eyed narrowed. I didn't like the sound of this. It sounded too much like her old nightmares.

"Where is he…? Where…Edward?" she wailed slightly. My heart ached slightly at the desperation I could sense in her tone.

I brought my hand to her face, hoping the contact would reach her on a subconscious level.

Heavy footsteps could be heard outside her room. Damn! It was Charlie. Just when I didn't want to let go of her, I would be forced to leave her side.

_I don't even remember getting up to bed. Wonder what time it was when Bells got home last night…?_

I waited till the last second and whirled out of her room the same instant Charlie opened the door.

He peered in and looked at her sleeping figure. I prayed she would be still.

_Hmmm…. Looks like she'll be out of it for a while. Must have been a late night. Oh well, kid deserves it. _

He softly shut the door and I was back on her bed in a flash. Not a moment too soon as she seemed to have realized I wasn't there. Her eyelids were twitching frantically.

"Edward," she said, in a much stronger voice and for a second I thought she was awake. But her eyes remained closed. She turned onto her back and I could see the panic on her face. "Where…you….can't find…" she said brokenly.

I cradled her head on my shoulder and softly whispered, "I'm here, love. Right here."

She must have heard me on some level for the agitated movements lessened somewhat. I placed my hand in hers as before and she gripped it tightly. Should I wake her? But I didn't want to disturb her sleep. She needed her rest.

I placed a soft kiss on her forehead and her breathing evened slowly. I watched her carefully. If I knew Bella's dreams this wasn't the end of it. What was she afraid of this time? I had a feeling it had something to do with the upcoming battle we would have with the newborns. I knew she was worried, though all of us had repeatedly told her yesterday there was no reason to worry anymore. Jacob Black's idea, I had to admit had been a brainwave.

My mind went back to the session we had had in the forest. The thought process of the pack's had been the most fascinating thing I had heard in a long time. Different thoughts, the same thought all rolling around in one timbre. There was so much to listen to.

Leah Clearwater's presence in the pack had surprised me. It was intriguing how it seemed necessary a female needed to be included in the pack. It had never happened in the history of the tribe.

Of course her's had been the most difficult mind to hear. Her thoughts were bitter and angry. I could sympathize but the lengths she was taking to be 'one of the boys' so to speak, and rid herself of the status of being Sam's ex-girlfriend were, I felt, a little vindictive. The entire pack was being subjected to her moroseness.

And the whole concept of imprinting truly aroused my curiosity. Never had I seen a phenomenon so unusual and so strong. I could feel the tie in Sam's mind to his Emily, in Jared's to his Kim and Quil to his Claire. It was like they had no choice, like they were magnetically drawn to this force so strong they could only succumb to their feelings…

It was like how I felt about Bella…

Before I could ponder upon this thought I felt Bella shiver against me. Her face was twisting and small moans were escaping her.

"Must...help," she whispered. "Yes, must do something…"

I froze. The direction her thoughts were taking was becoming all too clear now.

"Have…to be…there," she said again. "Be…there…where…Edward…third wife…"

There was that mention of this 'third wife' again. It was the second time Bella had mentioned it. The first had been the night she returned from the Quileute bonfire. My only guess was that it had something to do with one of the legends she had heard that night. Judging by her train of thought it couldn't be a very happy story. I made a mental note to ask Jacob what that particular legend was about.

I knew Bella wasn't happy about being away from us during the fight. And I knew she was dying to be a part of it. I grinned darkly. I would keep her away from the clearing if I had to chain her to a tree myself. She wasn't getting within fifty feet of the newborns if any of us could help it. Thankfully Alice had explained very effectively how her being a newborn would _not_ help the situation when she suggested it the other day. If not she would have worried my life out asking to be changed before the fight. And here I was trying to convince her to delay it more.

Clearly she was thinking of some way to be in that clearing with us while we fought. I shook my head and sighed. Bella would be the only one who constantly gave me near heart attacks with her ideas. Which was saying something, seeing how my heart didn't beat any longer. Did she not realize the danger?

Of course she didn't. This was Bella. The only person I knew who was physically incapable of foreseeing any danger towards herself.

She shifted and burrowed closer to me. With my arm around her I waited for her to awake….

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**A/N: **Please review folks....And those of you who are stopping at adding this onto favourite story and favourite author, I'm flattered beyond words but please leave some of your thoughtd behind too. Constructive criticism is always welcome. =)


	9. Her Wish, My Command

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! The dialogue is from Chapter 19 of Eclipse.

**Author's Note: **So I'm feeling a little depressed everyone. I'm not getting half as enough reviews as I'd like. It really matters to me what you think and I need to know your suggestions and comments. I have no way of knowing if some things don't seem realistic or true to Edward's character unless you tell me. So please, please make me happy and leave your thoughts behind. I don't want to have to resort to the leave-me- X number-of reviews-and-then-you-will-get-an-update thing if I don't have to.

This chapter is insanely long to get to the part that I really wanted to portray but I just couldn't find a place where it would seem natural to just jump into the story from the middle. My real goal was to focus on the actual "selfish" part of the chapter. But anyway the angst concerning Jacob and his present was all right too, I guess.

See why I need to know what you think? I repeat, review and make my day!

Enjoy!

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It was late afternoon when she began to stir again. I watched apprehensively. Was she awake for real? The rest of the time she had spent sleeping had continued to be fitful and restless with more disturbing words escaping her mouth. Several times her heart would race and I'd think she was waking up, only to realize it was a false alarm.

She yawned and stretched. If I wasn't preoccupied with her sleep talking I would have appreciated how adorable she looked.

"Edward," she mumbled, her hand searching for mine as her eyes opened blearily.

"Are you really awake this time?" I asked, placing my hand in hers.

"Mmm," she said, mid-yawn. "Have there been a lot of false alarms?"

"You've been very restless – talking all day." I said, watching her carefully.

It took a second for what I said to process into her sleep laden brain. "All _day_?" she asked incredulously, blinking and looking at her window.

"You had a long night," I said, reassuringly, smoothing down her hair. "You'd earned a day in bed."

She sat up and seemed to finally register how late in the day it was. "Wow," she said.

I could hear her stomach rumble. "Hungry?" I asked. "Do you want breakfast in bed?"

"I'll get it," she said, groaning and stretching again. "I need to get up and move again," she said standing unsteadily on her feet.

I took her hand before she actually fell and guided her downstairs. I stole glances at her face, wondering if whatever had been on her subconscious was now on her mind as well.

I continued to watch her as she put together some breakfast for herself. Technically it was past lunchtime as well. Not that it made any difference to me. I could tell she noticed that I was watching her.

I needed to ask her what was on her mind. Specifically what she had meant by her mumblings last night. But how to phrase it? Should I ask her outright? Did she even remember what she had been dreaming about? Knowing Bella, she would get defensive and decide not to tell me anything. Should I work around it and somehow get her to admit it to me?

"Ugh, I'm a mess," she said, breaking my thoughts. She was staring at her reflection on the toaster.

I decided against contradicting that statement. Bella had a strange way of not believing me when I said she was beautiful, even in any stage of disarray.

"It was a long night," I echoed my earlier statement. "You should've stayed here and slept," I said, trying to sound stern.

"Right!" she snorted. "And missed _everything_. You know, you need to start accepting the fact that I'm part of the family now."

My lips drew up in a smile. That was definitely possible. "I could probably get used to that idea," I said in mock nonchalance.

As I sat down next to her, I again caught sight of the wooden figurine hanging on the bracelet that circled her hand. I stared at it for a moment suddenly realizing that this would remind me of the dog's presence in her life even when I tried to forget it.

"May I?" I asked her, reaching for it.

"Um sure," she said, swallowing.

I balanced the miniature on my palm. Why, _why_ was I not allowed the satisfaction of giving her things? What I really wanted to do was shower her in them, bury her, so giving her one or two was really not an issue. I knew she had an absurd idea of not wanting me to waste my money but what else was I supposed to do with it? I had spent decades buying myself things with the occasional gift for my parents or siblings, but now when I finally had a worthy reason to spend obscene amounts of money for an extremely pleasant cause, it was denied to me.

I had accepted Bella's conditions earlier, albeit a little grudgingly. But didn't she have the same problem with _him_? The unknown feeling of earlier could be felt again. Jealousy? Envy? Something along those lines at any rate. It clenched at my dead heart just a little. This was the same feeling, I realized, that had gripped me when I watched her stroke his fur, the same delicate fingers that normally touched me, sending sparks through my body. It was the same feeling that had twisted my insides when he had put his revolting tongue on her face and licked her, the face that was _mine _to kiss, _mine _to caress. It was the same feeling that had coursed through me when the dog had carried her last night, while we tested our idea of him obscuring her scent. My every instinct had wrestled against allowing her to be in his arms. She belonged in mine and mine alone. I was nearing the end of my tolerance then and only the thought that this was for her safety had stopped me from ripping her from his arms and crushing her to my body.

I could feel her eyes on me. Careful to keep a smooth face I said, "Jacob Black can give you presents."

It wasn't a question and I could tell she knew what I was referring to.

"You've given me presents," she said, pointedly. She was referring to her birthday last year. She actually thought that one CD of my music was enough? Oh Bella… She didn't know I had always know that was woefully inadequate, especially since my immediate action after had negated whatever I may have given her.

"You know I like the homemade kind," she continued.

I pursed my lips, "How about hand-me-downs? Are those acceptable?" Please say yes, I thought. Not that a mere 'no' would stop me, but it would make it infinitely less unpleasant. There was, after all, a certain other hand-me-down I wanted to give her, _needed _to see on her.

"What do you mean?" she asked narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

"This bracelet," I said, keeping my voice casual and tracing its shape around her wrist. "You'll be wearing it a lot?"

She shrugged. I took that as a yes.

"Because you wouldn't want to hurt his feelings," I stated, knowing I was correct.

"Sure, I guess so."

I looked down at the creamy skin on her hand and tried to conceal the slightly irrational desperation that was threatening to seep into my voice. "Don't you think it's fair then if I have a little representation?" I turned her hand up and ran my finger along the veins in her wrist, where the blood pumped rich and strong. I could feel her pulse through the skin.

"Representation?" I could hear the question in her voice.

"A charm," I clarified. "Something to keep _me _on your mind."

"You're in every thought I have," she said quietly. "I don't need reminders."

I fought not to let the intensity in her words distract me. As always, utterances like that left me wanting to crush my lips to hers. Focus, I told myself.

"If I gave you something, would you wear it?" I pressed.

"A hand-me-down?" she asked again.

"Yes, something I've had for a while," I smiled. It was safe to assume I had won this round. Round two would entail getting that ring on her finger.

"Whatever makes you happy," she said, sounding a little relieved if I wasn't mistaken.

"Have you noticed the inequality?" I asked, and allowed some of the frustration I was feeling to be heard. "Because I certainly have."

"What inequality?"

My eyes narrowed. Could she really not see it? "Everyone else is able to get away with giving you things." I didn't say it was the fact that Jacob could give her things and I couldn't was what bothered me the most. "Everyone but me. I would have loved to get you a graduation present but I didn't. I knew it would have upset you more than if anyone else did. That's utterly unfair. How do you explain yourself?" I demanded.

"Easy," she said, not missing a beat. "You're more important than everyone else. And you've given me _you_. That's already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance."

How did she manage to do that? One simple fact and she completely broke my argument and threw a compliment with it. Though she had it completely and utterly backward. That was supposed to be my argument. _She _was more than _I _deserved, not the other way around. I did realize, however, that telling her this would only initiate a never-ending debate.

I settled for rolling my eyes and saying, "The way you regard me is ludicrous." It was. I was not worth even a millionth of the love she had for me.

She calmly continued to eat her breakfast, while I watched her and we settled into a comfortable silence.

My phone buzzed. I was Alice.

"What is it, Alice?"

"Bella's having ideas, Edward. She was having flashes of it last night and mind you I did tell her to knock it off or I'd tell you. They just got way clearer a while ago."

I sighed. "I sort of guessed as much."

"You did?" Alice sounded a little surprised at how I was taking it.

"She was talking in her sleep," I said, by way of explanation and stared at Bella sternly.

"Oh right. Well _please _convince her to stop planning whatever it is she's planning. I see her stumbling around, looking for us I imagine. Not helpful," she said. "This is going to be a piece of cake. Their numbers are already down to nineteen."

"I'll take care of it," I promised and disconnected the call.

I glared at her and asked, smoothly, "Is there something you'd like to talk to me about?" At least Alice had given me the perfect entrance to this topic.

Her face said it all. I could instantly see her annoyance that I'd caught on, a veiled guilt because she knew it was a bad idea and something else I couldn't quite catch…

After a long moment she said, "I like Jasper's idea."

I groaned. Of course she did.

"I want to help. I have to do _something_," she insisted.

"It wouldn't help to have you in danger," I pointed out.

"Jasper thinks it would. This is _his _area of expertise."

I gave her a black look. Did she really think I would allow her to be in the middle of a horde of bloodthirsty, newborn vampires? Who were hell-bent on killing her no less?

"You can't keep me away," she threatened. "I'm not going to hide out in the forest while you all take risks for me."

I fought a smile as I realized that she had somehow pictured finding the clearing an easy feat. She didn't know that I was planning on keeping her in a very thick area of the forest, far away from the clearing.

"Alice doesn't see you _in _the clearing, Bella. She sees you stumbling around lost in the woods." Which was equally bad as being in the clearing itself. "You won't be able to find us; you'll just make it more time consuming for me to find you afterward."

"That's because Alice didn't factor in Seth Clearwater," she countered, sweetly. "If she had, of course, she wouldn't have been able to see anything at all. But it sounds like Seth wants to be there as much as I do. It shouldn't be too hard to persuade him to show me the way."

I was fervently glad we were having this conversation. I shuddered at the potential things she could and would have done, were they unknown to me. She was devious, this woman. Why couldn't Bella try to keep herself safe? I could feel the anger flash on my face before I calmed myself again. "That might have worked…if you hadn't told me," I said, muttering a prayer of thanks that she had. "Now I'll just ask Sam to give Seth certain orders. Much as he might want to, Seth won't be able to ignore that kind of injunction."

She continued to smile in a manner that didn't alleviate my worries. "But why would Sam give those orders? If I tell him how it would help for me to be there? I'll bet Sam would rather do _me_ a favour than you."

I had to bite back a curse. She was right. Sam Uley would be all for whatever helped an overall victory. It would never occur to him that her life was at risk.

Thankfully I still had the final say. "Maybe you're right. But I'm sure Jacob would be only too eager to give those same orders." For this one matter, he and I would unanimously agree.

She looked confused. "Jacob?" she asked, frowning.

"Jacob is second in command." Hadn't he shared this piece of information with her? "Did he never tell you that? His orders have to be followed too."

She stared stonily at me and I grinned back. End of argument. Now it was time for distraction.

"I got a fascinating look into the pack's mind last night," I said, ignoring her pointed glares at me. "It was better than a soap opera. I had no idea how complex the dynamic is with such a large pack. The pull of the individual against the plural psyche… Absolutely fascinating."

She was still glaring. Her angry kitten look was so endearing I wanted to kiss her. I didn't think it would be received well at the moment so I went on.

"Jacob's been keeping a lot of secrets," I said, with a grin.

No answer.

"For instance, did you note the smaller grey wolf there last night?"

She stiffly nodded once.

I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped at her stubborn defiance. "They all take their legends so seriously. It turns out there are things that none of their stories prepared them for."

She sighed finally. "Okay, I'll bite," she said. "What are you talking about?"

"They have always accepted without question that it was only the direct grandsons of the original wolf who had the power to transform."

"So someone changed who wasn't a direct descendent?" she asked.

"No. She's a direct descendent, all right."

Bella blinked. "_She_?" she asked, her eyes widening.

I nodded, glad she seemed sufficiently distracted. "She knows you. Her name is Leah Clearwater."

"Leah's a werewolf!" Bella shrieked. I completely understood her shock. "What? For how long? Why didn't Jacob tell me?"

"There are things he wasn't allowed to share – their numbers for instance." I explained. "Like I said before, when Sam gives an order, the pack simply isn't able to ignore it." I suddenly realized why Jacob's thoughts had sometimes been so guarded around me. "Jacob was very careful to think of other things when he was near me. Of course, after last night that's all out the window."

"I can't believe it. Leah Clearwater!" Bella murmured. She sank into thought, undoubtedly processing this new information. I was sure she was thinking about the daily agony Leah had to undergo, seeing Sam everyday and having to watch him with Emily.

"Poor Leah," she whispered, confirming my thoughts.

I snorted. "She's making life exceedingly unpleasant for the rest of them. I'm not sure she deserved your sympathy." I could understand the packs' discomfort. Hearing a person's every thought was bad enough, when every thought was bitter and angry it only made it ten times worse.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked me.

"It's hard enough for them, having to share all their thoughts. Most of them try to cooperate, make it easier. When even one member is deliberately malicious, it's painful for everyone."

"She has reason enough," Bella mumbled.

"Oh, I know," I said. With that part of Leah Clearwater's story I truly sympathized. Knowing the reason behind Sam's rejection of her couldn't be making it any easier. Now she couldn't even be angry at him. "The imprinting compulsion is one of the strangest things I've ever witnessed in my life, and I've seen some strange things. The way Sam is tied to his Emily is impossible to describe – or should I say _her Sam_." I searched my mind for the words to explain the feeling. I knew the depth of it simply because I could read his mind. It wasn't a feeling for which there _was_ a word. "Sam really had no choice. It reminds me of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ with all the chaos caused by the fairies' love spells…like magic." Like my own pull to my Bella. "It's very nearly as strong as the way I feel about you."

"Poor Leah," Bella whispered again. "But what do you mean, malicious?"

"She's constantly bringing up things they'd rather not think of. For example, Embry."

"What's with Embry?" she asked, curiously. I wasn't surprised. This definitely wasn't a story Jacob would have told her.

"His mother moved down form the Makah reservation seventeen years ago, when she was pregnant with him. She's not Quileute. Everyone assumed she'd left his father behind with the Makahs. But then he joined the pack."

"So?"

"So the prime candidates for his father are Quil Ateara Sr., Joshua Uley or Billy Black, all of them married at that point, of course."

"No!" she gasped, raising a hand to her mouth.

"Now Sam, Jacob and Quil all wonder which of them has a half-brother. They'd all like to think it's Sam, since his father was never much of a father. But the doubt is always there. Jacob's never been able to ask Billy about that."

"Wow," she said, sounding impressed. "How did you get so much in one night?"

"The pack mind is mesmerizing. All thinking together and then separately at the same time. There's so much to read!" I had been almost disappointed when we had to end our session. Delving into their minds had been that intriguing..

Bella laughed. "The pack is fascinating," she said, looking straight into my eyes, "Almost as fascinating as you are when you're trying to distract me."

Damn! She was perceptive at all the wrong moments. I kept my face smooth.

She placed her small hand on mine on the table and very seriously said, "I have to be in that clearing Edward."

"No," I said, in a final tone. That was _not_ happening, no matter how she asked.

She looked down for a long moment. When she finally spoke, her voice was a whisper. But the intensity of it, the rawness of it caught me off guard.

"Okay, look, Edward. Here's the thing…" She paused. "I've already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are. _And I can't stand it if you leave me again_."

I breathed in. Hard. The enormity of her words crashed into me over and over again. _I can't stand it if you leave me again, I can't stand it if you leave me again, I can't stand it if you leave me again…_

_This _was what she had been trying to tell me. And I, deplorable monster that I am, failed to see it. Again. Her choice of words shook me. Why had it never occurred to me that it would seem like that again? I saw it in her eyes, every time I had to leave her, for even a matter of hours, to hunt. I could see the fear, the doubt, the panic. No matter how many times I tried to reassure her, no matter how many nightmare I soothed away she could never get rid of that notion I had given her. That I would abandon her again.

My arms reached for her and I stroked every part of her I could touch, as if my touch alone could make her fears vanish. Again I wondered, how much had I wounded her?

"You know it's not like that, Bella," I whispered. "I won't be far, and it will be over quickly." I still couldn't risk her being there.

"I can't stand it," she said again, "Not knowing whether or not you'll come back. How do I live through that, no matter how quickly it's over?"

I sighed. "It's going to be easy, Bella. There's no reason for your fears."

"None at all?"

"None," I said, firmly.

"And everyone will be fine?"

"Everyone," I guaranteed.

"So there's no way at all that I need to be in the clearing?"

"Of course not. Alice just told me that they're down to nineteen. We'll be able to handle it easily," I said, confidently.

"That's right," she said, her voice sounding far away. "You said it was so easy that someone could sit out. Did you really mean that?"

"Yes," I said, truthfully. The way things were going it was most likely their numbers might drop by one or two more before the fight. It was simple.

"So easy that _you _could sit out?" she asked.

I froze.

Me…sitting out? It had never been an option. Why would it be? I would never consider sitting on the sidelines and letting my family fight. And yet Bella was asking me to do exactly that…

I heard her take a deep breath. "So, it's one way or the other. Either there is more danger than you want me to know about, in which case it would be right for me to be there, to do what I can to help." My heart clenched. No, she couldn't be there. "Or…it's going to be so easy that they'll get by without you. Which way is it?"

Logically, Bella had a point. But these were matters of principle I was dealing with. If I was completely honest with myself, the rest of my family could probably manage without me. Jasper and Emmett were ruthless when it came to a fight and Rose and Alice could hold their own. And it was only his dislike of violence that prevented Carlisle from showing his instinctive ferocious side. Even Esme would be all right. The wolves' presence only guaranteed a win for us.

But this was my family…

"You ask me to let them fight without my help?" I asked her quietly.

"Yes," she said. "Or let me be there. Either way, so long as we're together."

Her last sentence shook slightly. I inhaled and let the breath out slowly. There was something in her voice… I brought my hands to her face and slowly lifted it so I could look in her eyes. I searched the fathomless brown and saw what I was looking for. Fear for my life. Fear at being apart. Fear of the unknown.

How could I argue? Were our roles reversed, I would have felt the same. All she wanted was to have me in sight. That was how deep she loved me, how much she worried for me and how much she feared a life without me. I could see she was feeling terrible at having to resort to this, at reminding me, at making me choose. But she was right. It always was and always would be my fault. It was my doing that had made her so insecure about my return to her side. It was my fault that I had pushed her into this position that forced her to force me to choose.

My eyes tightened at the guilt I should so rightfully feel. Not looking away from her, I moved one hand to my pocket and pulled my phone out again.

I dialed Alice. Once she answered I asked, "Alice, could you come babysit Bella for a bit?" I raised an eyebrow at Bella, warning her not to object at the word. "I need to speak with Jasper."

"Sure," she said. "It's really not necessary you know for you to sit out. But knowing Bella, she wouldn't have it any other way, I'm guessing. See you in a few."

I'd give them the details later.

"What are you going to say to Jasper?" Bella asked me, almost fearfully.

"I'm going to discuss…me sitting out," I said, with some effort. It was the first time I would intentionally not participate in a fight with my family.

"I'm sorry," she said, softly.

"Don't apologize," I said, trying to smile. "Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need…" I shrugged. I meant what I said. No matter how difficult the choices, we would work it out. "You're my first priority," I said, brushing her cheek with my hand.

"I didn't mean it that way – like you have to choose me over your family." She sounded stricken, her voice laced with concealed guilt, when the fault was all mine.

"I know that," I reassured her. "Besides, that's not what you asked. You gave me two alternatives that you could live with and I chose the one that I could live with. That's how compromise is supposed to work."

She leaned forward and rested her forehead against my chest. I drew my arms closer around her small body.

"Thank you," she whispered and the relief in her voice was acute.

"Anytime," I whispered, kissing her hair. "Anything."

We stayed like that a long moment. Bella kept her face nestled against my shirt. I suddenly remembered something.

"Who's the third wife?" I asked her.

"Huh?" she asked, looking up at me, surprised at the abrupt question.

"You were mumbling something about 'the third wife' last night. The rest made little sense, but you lost me there."

"Oh. Um yeah. That was one of the stories that I had heard at the bonfire the other night," she said, shrugging. "I guess it stuck with me."

My hunch had been right. There was an uncomfortable edge to her voice that I did not like. I leaned away from her to scrutinize her face. What was she thinking?

Before I could ask her anything, Alice bounded into the room, a disgruntled look on her usually cheerful face.

"You're going to miss all the fun," she grumbled. _Honestly Edward, I cannot believe you're going to sit out!_

"Hello Alice," I said, ignoring her comment.

I placed a finger under Bella's chin and gently lifted her face up so I could kiss her. "I'll be back later tonight," I said, against her lips. Reluctantly breaking contact, I continued, "I'll go work this out with the others, rearrange things."

"Okay," she said, in a small voice. I could hear the guilt and relief mixed in her voice.

"There's not much to arrange," Alice said, "I already told them. Emmett is pleased." _Now he gets to attack more than his share. _

I sighed at my brother's reaction. Typical. "Of course he is."

Placing a last soft kiss on Bella's lips, I headed off home.

**

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A/N:

So please, please review everyone. I need your feedback as badly as Edward needs Bella. Yeah it's that wanted! =) 


	10. Our Desires

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! Most of the dialogues between Bella and Edward are from Chapter 19 and all of Chapter 20 in Eclipse.

**Author's Note:** Sorry about taking a little longer than I anticipated. I was slightly busy and then I was in hospital yesterday for dental surgery. I tried to update before I went in but it was impossible and I didn't want to rush this either. But now since I have nothing else to do while I 'rest' I'll try and upload a little faster.

Thank you for all the reviews for my last chapter. Really, people, do I have to _say_ I'm depressed about the reviews to actually get them? Please, please review all right? I'm so addicted to them and I need to know how I'm doing. Especially for this one. I'm still not so satisfied with the way this turned out, even after going over it a million times. So I need _you_ to tell me how it is. At first I wanted to continue from where the actual chapter in the book finishes off, but it didn't sound natural. What do you think? If I'm inspired later I'll be sure to add it on.

Much thanks to BlueSea14 and mbeb03 for pointing out a few mistakes on my part. Please anyone else who spots anything let me know. It's very much appreciated.

I also went back to the previous chapter and deleted a small part from the end, where Alice asks Edward if she should clear Bella's schedule. It made more sense to add it in this chapter. Just to avoid confusion for those of you who have been reading this from the beginning =)

So enjoy!

* * *

Of course my family had understood. It was ludicrous to even assume they wouldn't. Granted Emmett and Alice thought Bella's fears were completely unwarranted and Rosalie kept a carefully masked expression and blocked her thoughts from me. I was wise enough not to question her. But Carlisle, Esme and, to my surprise, even Jasper all took my revelation of Bella's concerns as if they were expecting it all along.

"To be honest, I'm surprised she didn't mention it sooner, Edward," Carlisle told me once I got home and explained the situation. "After recent events…" his voice trailed off.

I simply looked at him. Had everyone noticed but me?

There was no question in my mind that I would stay with Bella, since that was what she wanted. Under no circumstance was she going to be in that clearing. And even though I knew perfectly well that my family was capable of defending themselves, to worry about them was instinctive.

_Don't worry about us Edward_ Jasper told me. _You know we'll be all right. _

My brother looked confident. Like all in the family, the inclusion of the wolves had made it sure in his mind that this was an easy victory.

_She needs you more than we do_ he continued. _This fear has been building up in her for quite a while now. _

Esme made it clear that she had expected nothing else from Bella.

"Of course she wants you where she can see you, Edward," she told me, as if it were the most obvious thing. "Imagine, waiting there not knowing what is happening? I hope she didn't refrain from mentioning this earlier because she felt awkward to ask."

"She worries about you and Alice mostly," I said.

Jasper's mouth tightened at the mention of Alice's name. Though he knew she was well able to fight and fight well, and despite reassuring Bella last night, as her mate, he worried. Unwarranted, but worry he did.

Like Bella…

"Well, you can tell her that I'm more than ready to defend my family," Esme told me smiling. But I could see her eyes harden under the smile. When the family was threatened, perhaps Esme's wrath would surpass everyone else's. Her love and devotion for all of us transformed into cold hate when an enemy was close.

"We were planning to hunt tomorrow. Will you still come with us?" Carlisle questioned.

I considered. There was really no need for me to go with them since they were merely preparing for the fight.

"No, I don't think so." I answered him.

He nodded. "And tonight? When we meet the pack again?"

I glanced at Jasper, "Will you need my help?" I asked him.

"I might," he said. "I can manage with Emmett though if you need to stay with Bella."

"You can _manage_?" snorted Emmett. "I _let _you get behind me yesterday. The mutts had to learn."

Jasper and I rolled our eyes. "I have a feeling Bella will want to come tonight as well," I answered Jasper.

Glancing at my watch I saw that Charlie would be home by now. Which meant I would have to wait for a reasonably appropriate time to return to Bella's house.

I rose and went up to my room. It was amazing how little time I spent here as opposed to before I met Bella, when all I would do was hole myself inside for hours and hours. Glancing at the bed, I couldn't help remember the last time she had lain there. The mere memory was enough to fill me with want.

I remembered something she had told me that night…

_You__ can hold me hostage anytime you want…_

A smile tugged the corner of my mouth. Reaching for my cell phone, I typed a quick text message to Alice and asked her to get Bella over for another 'sleepover'. In any case Bella needed an excuse to be absent from home for the next couple of days and Alice had the best chance of convincing Charlie she would be with her.

I felt my mood lift as I anticipated bringing her here. To take advantage of an empty house was prudent, I thought, feeling like the seventeen-year-old again. For once we would be completely alone. We wouldn't need to worry about Charlie or my family. Their presence did not bother me but it was still tiresome to be careful when at her house and I knew the fact that every member in my family had a heightened sense of hearing embarrassed Bella.

She and I needed some time to ourselves. Too many incidents and worries had kept us preoccupied and alone time was very much overdue. I needed to be with her, to hold her and kiss her senseless even if it was just for a few hours, and I wanted it to be just about us. For one night, I swore we would put all thoughts of newborns, the Volturi, Jacob and every other distraction aside and simply relish the time alone.

I went to my bedside table and opened the drawer. Opening the antique wooden box, I looked at the jewels that sparkled inside it. I reached for the diamond heart and imagined it hanging off the bracelet on Bella's wrist. Yes, this seemed the most appropriate 'representation'. Smiling at the thought of Bella finally accepting something from me without complaint, I carefully placed it inside my closet, ready to give her tomorrow.

My fingers brushed a little black box inside the wooden chest as I was about to put it away. It was placed in the corner, away from the rest of the jewels inside, a place of honour. Opening it, I stared at my mother's ring. For the umpteenth time, I envisioned it on Bella's finger.

The decision to marry her had been made the moment I fell in love with her. It wasn't even a conscious thought. In my day, love and marriage went hand in hand and it was hard for me to think of it as two different concepts. If a man loved a woman it was a foregone conclusion that he would court her and eventually marry her. In most ways I thought relationships had lost the element of sacredness it used to have. Marriage and commitment meant nothing to most people now and they seemed to have no qualms in violating any and every oath they made. I loathed the level it had sunk to. The thoughts I had been subjected to over the years only became worse. Wanting to bind myself to Bella in this way was simply my way of saying that I wanted her forever. I wished for nothing more than to make that promise to honour and cherish her for the rest of my life, no, _existence._

I gently shut the velvet box and placed it back in the wooden chest. Soon, I promised myself, I would make Bella say the 'yes' I so wanted to hear.

* * *

Tonight had been as productive as last night.

Only Jacob, Quil and Embry had come today and like yesterday they chose to watch rather than participate. If I were quite honest with myself, the three of them were the easiest for us to associate with. I knew that Sam and the rest of the pack tolerated this alliance because circumstances called for it. Except perhaps for Seth. The young wolf had an amazingly unbiased and innocent mind. But Jacob and his friends at least trusted us enough not to attack them. I knew a large part of this trust was due to Bella.

I winced slightly at the memory of her leaning comfortably on Jacob in the clearing tonight. It was always a reminder of what he meant to her and what I couldn't give her. Jacob's contented thoughts did nothing to distract me. He reveled in the way she was so obviously comfortable around him. I could _feel _his purr of satisfaction as she ran her fingers through his fur.

Looking at her sleeping figure, I concentrated on her face buried against my chest, to dispel those particular thoughts. I ran my right hand lightly through her brown tresses and gently linked my left fingers with the fingers of her hand, which she had carelessly thrown over my chest as she slept.

Relishing the closeness and the warmth that radiated from her into my body and into my heart, I thought wryly that the decision to have her with me the next night was well-timed. I intended to make it one of the best nights both of us had had so far. I smiled, remembering her pleasure when she learned it was I and not Alice who was 'kidnapping' her this time…

* * *

"Did Alice tell you that she's kidnapping me again?" she asked me, when she had bid Charlie goodnight and I had joined her in her room before we met the wolves in the clearing.

I grinned. "Actually, she's not."

She stared at me, making me laugh at her obvious confusion.

"I'm the only one who has permission to hold you hostage, remember?" I said, drawing her into my arms. "Alice is going hunting with the rest of them. I guess I don't need to do that now," I said, sighing.

"_You're _kidnapping me?"

I nodded, softly kissing her on the head.

She was silent for a moment. Was something wrong? I should have checked and made sure it was all right with her, I thought, mentally rebuking myself.

"Is that all right?" I asked.

"Well…sure, except for one thing."

"What thing?" I asked, my heart sinking. Clearly, she wasn't comfortable with the arrangement.

A small smile tugged at her lips and I caught a mischievous glint in her eyes before she asked, "Why didn't Alice tell Charlie you were leaving _tonight_?"

I laughed, relief and happiness coursing through me. A small upside to my insecurities was that it made whatever she said to counter it sound so much sweeter.

"I think even Charlie would see through a three-day sleepover, don't you think," I asked her.

She sighed. "You're right," she said, her mouth descending into the familiar pout.

"Besides," I breathed into her face, "If we were there tonight, we wouldn't be alone," I said, meaningfully.

Her eyes glazed over and I laughed, thrilling at the effect I seemed to have on her. I leaned back on her pillows, dragging her down with me. She settled her head comfortably into the crook of my neck and placed one hand across my chest. The rightness of the way we were couldn't be described in words.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Of course," she said, lazily drawing random patterns across my shirt. The heat emanating from her soft touches spread across my body, adding more ardour to my next words.

I placed one finger under her chin and raised her head to lock her gaze with mine. "For this one night, could we try to forget everything besides just you and me?" I pleaded. I could feel myself getting lost in her beautiful doe-eyes. I hardly knew what I was saying and my voice came out in a whisper. "It seems like I can never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just you."

We stared into each other's eyes for a split second before moving forward simultaneously, our lips meeting in a dizzying kiss. It seemed to stretch on and on and when she finally pulled back to breathe, I wasn't sure if seconds or years had passed.

"I'll take that as a yes," I said. She was in no position to speak at the moment.

Smiling delightedly, she wound her hands around my neck. Placing a gentle kiss on my lips she said, very firmly, "Yes!"

* * *

Saying I was impatient for the day to pass was an understatement. For the first time since all the mayhem had begun, I wasn't worried and I wasn't distracted. All my mind could focus on was the few heavenly hours I would get to spend with my Bella. Her pleasure and anticipation only added fuel to my elation.

Watching my sleeping angel, I awaited the coming day.

* * *

The day had passed agonizingly slowly. But every moment only deliciously stretched the time. I was content to let Bella drive and even more content to let her take it at her own speed. I was in no hurry to rush anything.

I couldn't help smile at her slow pace. Even if I was human, I wouldn't have been able to tolerate her truck's speed. But she stubbornly refused to even consider a new car, let alone allowing me to buy one for her. Yes, under circumstances I was quite grateful that she was allowing me to gift her my 'hand-me-down'. For some unexplainable reason, the thought of giving her the diamond heart filled me with joy.

My patience reached its limit the second she cut the engine. Before she even registered my absence from the passenger seat, I was at her door cradling her in one arm and slinging her bag onto my shoulder with the other. As my foot closed the truck door, I brought her lips to mine in an enthusiastic kiss.

Without breaking contact I carried her into the house and noticed with glee that she hadn't realized that I was carrying her inside, bridal-style. Isabella Swan may not have said 'yes' to me yet, but it didn't stop me from carrying her across the proverbial threshold.

I didn't move beyond the entrance of the house. Bella was still in my arms, our lips moving together, teasing, touching and hungrily coming back for more. Her lips were soft against mine and her scent surrounded me while her taste filled me. My senses, a thousand times more sensitive than a human's were tingling at this onslaught.

After several minutes, I finally broke away, part of me mourning the loss of contact.

I chuckled softly and gazed into the warm brown eyes. "Welcome home," I said.

"That sounds nice," she said, breathless.

I gently set her down. Immediately she came closer and wrapped her small arms around me. I wound my arms around her back and very gently, rested my chin on top of her head.

"I have something for you," I said, casually.

"Oh?"

"Your hand-me-down remember?" She raised her head from where it was buried against my chest and looked up at me. "You did say that was allowable," I reminded her before she could say anything.

"Oh that's right. I guess I did say that," she said, sighing in resignation.

I laughed at her not-so-subtle reluctance.

"It's up in my room. Shall I go get it?" I inquired.

"Sure," she said, winding her fingers through mine. "Let's go."

Feeling the same excitement as I had previously, I picked her up and raced up the stairs to my room. Setting her down at the door, I retrieved the diamond charm from my closet and was out in less than a second.

She crawled onto the bed and sat in the middle, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Okay," she said. It seemed she sounded a little sorry she had agreed to this. "Let me have it."

Chortling, I climbed onto the bed and sat down beside her. I could hear her heart racing. Silly Bella…

"A hand-me-down," I sternly reminded her. I pulled her left wrist away from where it was wrapped around her leg and fastened the heart onto it, before releasing it.

She raised her wrist to her eyes, examining it carefully. As it slowly twirled from the bracelet, the dim light from my bedside lamp caused it to throw light shimmers around the room. I heard her intake of breath and watched her, feeling suddenly apprehensive. Did she like it? Knowing Bella, she would think some absurd thought, like it was too big. I prayed she wouldn't ask me if it was a diamond.

"It was my mother's," I explained, shrugging. "I inherited quite a few baubles like this. I've given some to Esme and Alice both. So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way." I was rambling, I realized. I felt like rolling my eyes at myself. Emmett would find this piece of information hysterical. If I ever chose to share it with him, that is.

She smiled, still studying it.

"But I thought it was a good representation. It's hard and cold," I continued, laughing a little. "And it throws rainbows in the sunlight."

"You forgot the most important similarity," she murmured, not taking her eyes off it. "It's beautiful."

I smiled to myself at the way she saw me. "My heart is just as silent," I said, partly to myself now. "And it, too, is yours."

She turned her wrist a little, so the light would catch the heart. Looking up at me she said, 'Thank you. For both."

"No, thank _you_," I corrected, immensely thankful she had accepted it. "It's a relief to have you accept a gift so easily. Good practice for you, too," I said, grinning, my mind wandering to the ring not very far away.

She leaned into me and cuddled into my side. We stayed like that, comfortable in the sweet silence, enjoying the closeness.

"Can we discuss something?" she asked after a few minutes. "I'd appreciate it if you could _begin_ by being open-minded."

I hesitated. What did she want? Did she want to discuss her transformation? But she knew my take on that…

"I'll give it my best effort," I agreed, cautiously.

"I'm not breaking any rules here. This is strictly about you and me." Well, that ruled out the request to be changed. I was relieved but now curious. She cleared her throat, as if she had practiced this speech. "So… I was impressed by how well we were able to compromise the other night. I was thinking I would like to apply the same principle to a different situation."

She sounded so formal, I couldn't help smiling. "What would you like to negotiate?" I asked.

Her heart race increased by a large margin.

"Listen to your heart fly," I said, softly. "It's fluttering like a hummingbird's wings. Are you all right?" She was clearly nervous. I could feel it radiating off her.

"I'm great," she said.

"Please go on then," I encouraged, trying to put her at ease.

"Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition thing."

"It's only ridiculous to you," I said, calmly. "What about it?"

"I was wondering…is _that_ open to negotiation?"

I frowned, any lightness in my mood vanishing. "I've already made the biggest concession by far and away – I've agreed to take your life away against my better judgment. And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your part."

"No," she said, before I could continue. "That part's a done deal. We're not discussing my…renovations," Interesting word, I thought, for damnation of the soul. "right now. I want to hammer out some other details."

I looked at her suspiciously. 'What details do you mean exactly?"

She hesitated for a faction of a second before saying, "Let's clarify your prerequisites first."

"You know what I want," I told her.

"_Matrimony_," she all but spat out.

"Yes," I said smiling, 'To begin with."

"There's more," she asked, shock replacing her previous look of disgust.

"Well," I said, carefully, thinking of a way to phrase this so that she couldn't back out nor fly into a temper. "If you're my wife, then what's mine is yours…like tuition money. So there would be no problem with Dartmouth." She had no idea how badly I wanted her to experience college life. Her intelligent mind would thrive there.

"Anything else? While you're already being absurd?" She sounded like an irate parent talking to a child. It was quite endearing, really.

"I wouldn't mind some _time_," I said, cautiously. I could predict her reaction to this statement.

"No. No time," she said, vehemently. "There's a deal breaker right there."

I sighed and tried again, even though I knew it was useless. "Just a year or two," I asked, longingly.

She shook her head, her mouth pressed into a grim line. "Move along to the next one,"

"That's it. Unless," I grinned. "you want to talk cars…"

My smile widened at her grimace. My hand moved to her fingers. What was she building this conversation up to? I could feel the curiosity burn.

"I didn't realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself." I told her. "I'm extremely curious."

She stared at our interlaced fingers, not saying a word. As I watched her, I felt and saw the blood rush into her face. She was embarrassed? My hand brushed her smooth cheek. "You're blushing?" She still didn't look up. "Please, Bella, the suspense is painful."

She bit her lip.

"Bella." I said, unable to keep the reproachful tone out of my voice.

"Well, I'm a little worried…about after," she said, finally meeting my gaze.

I tensed. Of course she would be. "What has you worried?" I asked her gently.

"All of you just seem _so_ convinced that the only thing I'm going to be interested in, afterward, is slaughtering everyone in town." I winced at her choice of words. "And I'm afraid I'll be so preoccupied with the mayhem," she went on. "that I won't be _me_ anymore…and that I won't…_want_ you the same way I do now."

My dead heart nearly defied science and melted. She was worried about _that?_

"Bella, that part doesn't last forever," I assured her.

"Edward," she said, sounding more flustered than I had ever heard her before. She was refusing to meet my eyes again. "There's something I want to do before I'm not human anymore,"

_Finally_. The words I had been longing to hear her say. If she couldn't realize what a huge sacrifice she was making by bartering her soul away, perhaps she would, at least be willing to experience whatever human things she could before.

When she didn't continue, I said, encouragingly, "Whatever you want."

"Do you promise?" she asked.

Did she have to even ask? "Yes," I said, longing to know what she wanted to do. "Tell me what you want and you can have it." I'd do everything I could to fulfill her wish.

After a long hesitation she mumbled, "You."

"I'm yours," I replied, almost automatically.

She inhaled deeply and shifted forward so that she was on her knees. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she kissed me.

This wasn't quite the response I was expecting, though I wasn't complaining if she wanted to kiss me. Part of my mind was relishing the feel of her lips against mine but the other part was still trying to decipher what she wouldn't tell me.

I could feel her hands unlock themselves from around my neck and slide down. Were her hands _shaking_? What was she so nervous about?

Her hands brushed the collar of my shirt. I was so riveted by the sensation of her gentle lips against mine, that I was hardly aware of where her hands were going.

It was only when her fingers descended to my shirt buttons, that the rational voice in my head made itself heard. My lips froze as it suddenly dawned on me what she had been trying to tell me all this time.

Trying not to hurt her but needing to get my point across, I pushed her away from me.

"Be reasonable, Bella," I told her, my voice coming out more disapproving than I intended. Really, what was she thinking?

"You promised – whatever I wanted," she said, sounding desperate.

"We are _not_ having this discussion," I said, glaring at her and buttoning my shirt again.

"I say we are," she growled. Her hands moved to her own blouse and nearly ripped off the top buttons.

Had this not been such a serious issue, I would have been pleasantly taken aback by this forward Bella. I could not afford to let my mind wander to potentially dangerous areas, however.

"I say, we're not," I said flatly, grabbing her wrists and pinning them to her sides.

She glowered at me and I was sure my face looked the same. Did she think I _wanted_ to stop her?

"You wanted to know," she said.

"I thought it would be something faintly realistic," I countered.

"So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous thing _you _want – like getting married – but _I'm _not allowed to even _discuss_ what I –"

I pulled her hands so I could hold them in one of my own and placed my free hand over her mouth. Feeling her lips under my hand was not helping matters.

"No." I said, cutting her off. My voice came out harsh, straining against the restraint I so wanted to dispel.

Her angry eyes stared at me for a moment. Taking a deep breath she fought to calm down. I didn't move my hand, watching her carefully.

My body was tingling and it was an effort not to let it show. My chest was burning in the places her fingers had briefly grazed before I pulled them away. My mind was raging in an intense, internal battle. It was mind over matter, all over again, in a very different sense of the phrase.

A blush was returning to her face. I could tell, even though her head was turned down, away from my sight. Her posture slumped and I could feel her lips turn down, under my hand.

Sighing, I removed my hand from her mouth and pulled her chin up, forcing her to meet my gaze.

"What now?" I asked. Surely she knew _why _I had to keep things the way they were?

"Nothing," she mumbled.

I studied her face carefully, ignoring her attempts to slip away. To my horror, I saw tears gathering in her eyes and pain shadow her face. She was doing an excellent job trying to mask it but it was clearly visible to my vampiric sight.

"Did I hurt your feelings?" I asked in shock.

"No," she said, much too quickly.

I clasped her close, cradling her face between my shoulder and my hand, while my thumb brushed across her cheek, willing her to feel how much I loved her, how much I wanted her.

"You know why I have to say no," I murmured, partially to remind myself. "You know I want you, too."

"Do you?" she whispered. The doubt in her voice, never quite absent since I left her, made my insides ache.

"Of course I do, you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl." I laughed, bleakly. "Doesn't everyone? I feel like there's a line behind me," with Jacob Black at the forefront, I silently added, "jockeying for position, waiting for me to make a big enough mistake… You're too desirable for your own good."

"Who's being silly now?" she asked.

Bella had always been oblivious to how beautiful she was. Her ignorance only added to her appeal.

"Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe? Shall I tell you whose names would be on the top of the list?" Not that I would let them get anywhere near her. "You know a few of them, but some might surprise you." My mind roved to the vast numbers of boys at Forks High who harboured a secret lust for Bella Swan, all of whom had been in significant danger of being dismembered by me for the past year or so.

She shook her head against my chest and said, "You're just trying to distract me." And myself, I mentally added. "Let's get back to the subject."

I sighed.

"Tell me if I have anything wrong. Your demands are marriage –" she said, making a face I would have laughed at if I wasn't preoccupied with the current discussion we were having. "paying my tuition, more time, and you wouldn't mind if my vehicle went a little faster." She raised her eyebrows. "Did I get everything? That's a hefty list."

"Only the first is a demand." I told her. Compared to what she just demonstrated, my demands, as she put them, were tame. I fought to keep a straight face. "The others are merely requests."

"And my lone, solitary little demand is –"

"Demand?" I interrupted, the urge to smile vanishing. She wanted this so badly?

"Yes, demand," she said, firmly.

My eyes narrowed.

"Getting married is a stretch for me. I'm not giving in unless I get something in return."

I leaned over and whispered in her ear, hoping to 'dazzle' her into agreeing with me. "It's not possible now. Later, when you're less breakable. Be patient, Bella."

"But that's the problem," she said, her voice shaking, despite the calm I knew she was struggling to maintain. "It won't be the _same_ when I'm less breakable. I won't be the same. I don't know _who _I'll be then."

"You'll still be Bella," I promised.

A frown crossed her beautiful face. "If I'm so far gone that I'd want to kill Charlie – that I'd drink Jacob's blood or Angela's if I got the chance – how can that be true?"

"It will pass. And I doubt you'll want to drink the dog's blood," I said, giving a mock shudder, hoping to lighten the moment. "Even as a newborn, you'll have better taste than that."

"But that will always be what I want the most, won't it?" she said, sounding more frustrated. "Blood, blood, and more blood."

"The fact that you're still alive is proof that that is not true," I pointed out, calmly.

"Over eighty years later," she shot back. "What I meant was _physically,_ thought. Intellectually, I know I'll be able to be myself…after a while. But just purely physically – I will always be thirsty, more than anything else."

I didn't answer. I couldn't without lying to her.

"So I _will_ be different," she said, her voice a mixture of triumph and desperation. "Because right now, physically, there's nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But physically…"

She turned her head and kissed my palm. The combination of the passion in her words and the feel of her lips on my sensitive skin sent sudden stabs of desire through me. Her being more or less on my lap was causing other things, apart from my feelings, to stir.

_Think what you could do to her_, the rational voice whispered.

I took a deep breath to steady myself. It didn't stop my voice from shaking slightly when I spoke.

"Bella, I could kill you," I whispered, imploring her to understand.

"I don't think you could," she said, unfazed.

My eyes tightened. Had our inhuman strength escaped her memory?

I reached behind me and felt the carved wrought iron roses that adorned the bed post and snapped off one as easily as I would break a twig off a branch. I held it up so she could see and closed my hand, moulding it gently between my fingers.

Silently, I held it up for her to see. It resembled clay or mud squeezed between a child's hands. A second more of compression and what was once an iron rose, was now fine dust.

She glared. "That's not what I meant. I already _know _how strong you are. You didn't have to break the furniture."

"What _did_ you mean then?" I asked, darkly, tossing the handful of dust across the room. It made a light, grating sound as it hit my glass wall. I was trying hard not to imagine Bella's body broken and disfigured.

"Obviously not that you aren't physically able to hurt me, if you wanted to…" she struggle to explain. "More that, you _don't_ want to hurt me…so much so that I don't think you ever could."

Her trust in my abilities was astounding. I shook my head.

"It might not work like that, Bella."

"_Might,_" she scoffed. "You have no more idea what you're talking about than I do."

"Exactly," I said, forcefully. "Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?" It was an effort to hold her, to kiss her without crushing her. I shuddered to imagine what could happen when lost in the throes of passion, especially when our senses were so much more responsive than a human's.

She gazed into my eyes for a long moment. I could see the sadness in them and struggled to remain resolute.

"Please," she whispered finally, very nearly causing me to break my resolve then and there. Focus, I thought. "It's all I ever want. Please."

How could I deny her what she wanted, when it was what I wanted too? How I longed to lie with her as a man would with the woman he loves, feel the incredible sensations, pleasure her in ways that would explode her mind. How I longed to feast my eyes on her beautiful body, explore this unchartered territory which she was allowing me and only me to discover, a privilege, an honour, to be as close to her as I possibly could, be one with her and feel her around me. I wanted nothing more than to experience this most intimate of bonding with her, a first for us both. To love her in the most beautiful and pure way possible. Did she think that I did not dream about it, think about it, day in and day out, every time we touched, every time we kissed, every time I held her. That the only thing stopping me was the immense fear that I would destroy her exquisite body. The way she had chosen to show me how ready she was to take this final step, inexperienced and uncertain, had been heartbreakingly sensual. For the first time tonight, I let my own desires wash over me, wavering my firm decision.

"Please," her soft voice begged again. "You don't have to make me any guarantees. If it doesn't work out right, well, then, that's that. Just let us _try_…only try. And I'll give you what you want. I'll marry you." An unnamable feeling coursed through me. "I'll let you pay for Dartmouth, and I won't complain about the bribe to get me in. You can even buy me a fast car if that makes you happy! Just…_please_."

The desperate urgency in her voice was my undoing. My arms tightened around her, needing her closer and I whispered, "This is unbearable. So many things I've wanted to give you – and this is what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?"

"Then don't refuse," she suggested, her breath ragged.

I don't want to, I thought. I want to give you what you want because I want it too.

_Give her what she wants…_ the flames whispered in my ear.

"Please," she pleaded, again.

"Bella…" I said, finally giving in. I didn't have the strength to argue anymore. Not when I wanted what she was asking for so badly myself. My hands held her head as my lips moved across the soft skin of her throat. Her scent was making me heady as it always did and I gave into these senses that I had firmly kept shielded in, these senses that always wanted her body and gave not a second thought to her blood, the senses of a man.

The fireworks erupted when her lips met mine. My hands moved of their own accord as I held her face firmly to mine. I kissed her, again and again and again, refusing to break contact. The sensation was pure bliss and I wanted more and still more of her.

When she broke away to breathe, I didn't break contact with her skin. I couldn't. I moved my lips down to her throat again, kissing every part of her exposed skin. I felt her fingers undo the buttons on my shirt again, but this time I didn't stop her. I felt an animalistic, almost primitive feeling awaken inside me as her small, warm hands, moved over my bare chest. The feeling was so new, so erotic that it ached.

She pulled my face back to hers and I responded with equal fervour. One hand still cupped her face but the other wound around her waist, drawing her closer. Could she feel my straining manhood, I wondered. I didn't even care as I tried to draw her even closer to my body.

As if from a dream, I felt her hands trying to undo her own blouse. Partly glad that I was distracted before this went too far, I locked my hands around her wrists and pulled them over her head, pushing her onto a pillow.

"Bella," I whispered against her ear. "Would you _please _stop trying to take your clothes off?" Because if you do I will not be able to stop myself, I added.

"Do you want to do that part," she asked, looking confused.

"Not tonight," I answered, softly. If, Heaven help us, we were going to do this, I wanted to do it the proper way, as her husband. I kissed her cheek and jaw gently.

"Edward, don't –" she started to protest.

"I'm not saying no," I reassured her. I couldn't possibly now. "I'm just saying _not tonight._"

I could see her mull this over before she asked, "Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night."

"I wasn't born yesterday," I said. Knowing her reaction to marriage at eighteen, I was fairly sure what her reaction would be if I told her my real reason for wanting to wait. I settled for the secondary reason. "Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won't go running to Carlisle in the morning? I am – clearly – much less reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore…you first."

She exhaled, looking infuriated. I struggled not to laugh. "I have to marry you first?" she asked in disbelief.

"That's the deal – take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?" I said, reminding her of how this whole discussion started. I was starting to feel strangely optimistic of getting my 'yes'.

To nudge her along in the direction I wanted, I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my lips to hers. The fire in me hadn't quite died and I caught her top lip and gently nibbled on it. I could feel her giving in.

"I think that's a really bad idea," she gasped, when I could feel her losing breath.

"I'm not surprised you feel that way," I said, grinning. "You have a one-track mind."

"How did this happen?" she grumbled. "I thought I was holding my own tonight – for once – and now, all of a sudden –"

"You're engaged," I finished, triumphantly.

"Ew! _Please _don't say that out loud."

"Are you going back on your word?" I demanded. I looked at her face.

She glared at me, which only made me smile.

"Are you?" I asked again.

"Ugh," she groaned. "No. I'm not. Are you happy now?"

I could feel my smile widen. "Exceptionally," I breathed, careful not to let all my thrilled emotions show.

She groaned again.

"Aren't you happy at all?" I asked, before catching her lips in mine again. I kissed her deeply, willing her to say what I wanted to hear.

"A little bit," she said, when I finally released her. "But not about getting married."

I kissed her again. "Do you get the feeling that everything is backward," I said, laughing. "Traditionally, shouldn't you be arguing my side, and I yours?"

"There isn't much that's traditional about you and me."

"True," I said, moving my lips to hers, yet again. The desires awakened in me were not letting me stay away from her now. I couldn't deny that I wanted her… so much. I moved away and kissed her again and again, deepening each one more than the other. I smiled against her lips when I heard her heart race.

"Look, Edward," she said, as I moved my lips to her palm. "I said I would marry you, and I will. I promise. I swear. If you want, I'll sign a contract in my own blood."

"Not funny," I murmured, against her wrist.

"What I'm saying is this – I'm not going to trick you or anything. You know me better than that. So there's really no reason to wait. We're completely alone – how often does that happen? – and you've provided this very large and comfortable bed…"

"Not tonight," I reiterated. I wanted this experience to be significant and memorable. To me, the only way that would happen was if this took place on our wedding night.

"Don't you trust me?" she asked.

"Of course I do," I protested.

Using the hand I was kissing, she pulled my face up so she could see it.

"Then what's the problem? It's not like you didn't know you were going to win in the end. You always win," she said, sulkily.

"Just hedging my bets," I said, determined not to let my true reasons show. Bella would have a fit of hysterics, I was sure, after which she would be sure to try and dissuade me. I wasn't sure how many more pleas I could resist.

"There's something else," she said, scrutinizing my face. Trust her perceptiveness to emerge now. "Are _you _planning to go back on your word?" she suddenly asked.

"No," I said, solemnly. "I swear to you, we _will _try. After you marry me."

She shook her head and laughed dolefully. "You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama – twirling my moustache while I try to steal some poor girl's virtue."

How did she manage to hit the nail on the head? Besides the fact that it was _she_ who was pushing _me_ to take her own virtue, she was absolutely correct. I glanced at her warily and quickly ducked my head to press my lips to her collarbone.

"That's it, isn't it?" she asked, laughing. "You're trying to protect your virtue!" She held her palm to her mouth and tried to muffle the giggles that were threatening to break through. I sighed. I should have known I couldn't hide it from her for long.

"No, you silly girl," I muttered, against her shoulder. "I'm trying to protect _yours_. And you're making it shockingly difficult."

"Of all the ridiculous –" she started to say, as I knew she would. I cut her off.

"Let me ask you something. We've had this discussion before, but humor me. How many people in this room have a soul? A shot at heaven, or whatever there is after this life?"

"Two," she answered, fiercely.

"All right. Maybe that's true," I continued. "Now there's a world full of dissension about this, but the vast majority seem to think there are some rules that have to be followed."

"Vampire rules aren't enough for you? You want to worry about the human ones too?" she asked me, incredulously.

"It couldn't hurt," I said, shrugging. "Just in case."

She glared at me, suspiciously.

"Now, of course, it might be too late for me, even if you are right about my soul."

"No, it isn't," she argued, angrily.

"'Thou shalt not kill' _is _commonly accepted by most major belief systems." I countered. "And I've killed a lot of people, Bella."

"Only the bad ones," she shot back.

I shrugged. "Maybe that counts, maybe it doesn't. But you haven't killed anyone –"

"That _you_ know about," she muttered.

I smiled. "And I'm going to do my best to keep you out of temptation's way."

"Okay. But we're not fighting over committing murder," she said, pointedly.

"The same principle applies – the only difference is that this is the one area in which I'm just as spotless as you are." I said. "Can't I leave one rule unbroken?"

"One?"

"You know that I've stolen, I've lied, I've coveted… my virtue is all I have left," I said, grinning rather sardonically. Years' worth of Sunday school lessons from my human life were still ingrained in my mind.

"I lie all the time," she pointed out.

"Yes, but you're such a bad liar that it doesn't really count," I said, kissing her nose. "Nobody believes you."

"I really hope you're wrong about that – because otherwise Charlie is about to burst through that door with a loaded gun," she said, unable to stop a grin herself.

"Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories. He'd rather lie to himself than look too closely," I said, smiling.

"But what did you ever covet?" she asked, confused. "You have everything."

Wasn't it obvious? "I coveted you," I said, my smile darkening. "I had no right to want you – but I reached out and took you anyway. And now look what's become of you! Trying to seduce a vampire." I shook my head in mock horror.

"You can't covet what's already yours," she informed me, superiorly. "Besides, I thought it was _my_ virtue you were worried about."

"It is. If it's too late for me… Well, I'll be damned, no pun intended – if I'll let them keep you out, too." I said.

"You can't make me go somewhere you won't be," she said. "That's my definition of hell." I smiled. My sweet Bella…

"Anyway, I have an easy solution to all this," she continued. "Let's never die, all right?"

"Sounds simple enough," I said, playing along. "Why didn't I think of that?"

I smiled at her.

"Hmph," she said, angrily, realizing I wasn't budging. "So that's it. You won't sleep with me until we're _married._"

"Technically, I can't ever _sleep _with you."

"Very mature, Edward," she said, rolling her eyes at me.

"But other than that detail, yes, you've got it right."

"I think you have an ulterior motive," she said, sounding suspicious again.

"Another one?" I asked, innocently. Would this woman see past all of my actions?

"You know this will speed things up," she accused.

I fought against the smile that was tugging at my lips. "There is only one thing I want to speed up, and the rest can wait forever…but for that it's true, your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point?"

"I can't believe I'm going along with this. When I think of Charlie…and Renee! Can you imagine what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh. I can hear the gossip now." She shuddered.

I raised an eyebrow. If she was adamant about changing soon then the gossip would have to be endured only for a few weeks. After which, she wouldn't even see Forks. For a very long time.

I saw her shudder again.

"It doesn't have to be a big production. I don't need any fanfare." Strictly speaking, I would have liked everything done the proper way. Not in a big way, but I was old-fashioned enough to still want the poignancy of seeing my bride walk down the aisle to me. But I knew this was a huge step for Bella and I wasn't about to make it even more uncomfortable for her. "You won't have to tell anyone or make any changes. We'll go to Vegas – you can wear old jeans and we'll go to the chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official – that you belong to me and ­_no one else­._"

"It couldn't be any more official that it already is," she grumbled but looked slightly mollified.

"We'll see about that," I said, smugly. "I suppose you don't want your ring now?"

She swallowed. "You suppose correctly."

I laughed at the look on her face. Like I was forcing her to drink something unpleasant. "That's fine. I'll get it on your finger soon enough."

"You talk like you already have one," she said, glaring.

"I do," I said, unhesitatingly. "Ready to force upon you at the first sign of weakness."

"You're unbelievable," she said, shaking her head.

"Do you want to see it?" I asked, suddenly excited. If I still had a heartbeat it would be racing a mile a minute.

"No," she said, much more forcefully than I expected. I felt the excitement evaporate immediately. Was the idea _so _repulsive to her?

"Unless you really want to show it to me," she said, no doubt catching sight of my expression.

"That's all right," I said, shrugging. "It can wait."

She sighed. "Show me the damn ring, Edward."

"No." She would see it, when she really wanted to.

She looked at me.

"Please," she whispered after a long moment. I felt my insides melt. Moving forward, she lightly touched my face with her fingers. "Please can I see it?"

My eyes narrowed. I should have never told her how I couldn't resist her begging. "You are the most dangerous creature I've ever met," I muttered, my resolve breaking.

I got up and went to my bedside table, retrieving the little black box from the wooden chest and sitting down next to her again in an instant. I put an arm around her shoulder and balanced the box on her left knee.

"Go ahead and look, then," I said, trying to sound nonchalant. Like I wasn't feeling a thousand emotions at the moment.

She picked up the box slowly. Brushing her fingers over it, she asked, "You didn't spend a _lot_ of money, did you? Lie to me, if you did."

"I didn't spend anything," I assured her. "It's just another hand-me-down. This is the ring my father gave to my mother."

"Oh," she said. I could tell this meant something to her.

"I suppose it's a little outdated," I said, as she was about to open it. "Old-fashioned, just like me. I can get you something more modern. Something from Tiffany's."

"I like old-fashioned things," she mumbled, slowly prising the lid open.

She stared at it for a long time. I watched her face, too apprehensive to speak. Almost hypnotically, she reached out and stroked the stones.

"It's so _pretty_," she said, almost to herself.

"Do you like it?" I asked.

"It's beautiful," she whispered. Then, as if remembering that she was supposed to look like she wasn't excited, she shrugged. "What's not to like?"

I chuckled, having got my answer. "See if it fits," I asked, trying to veil the desire in my voice.

I saw her clench her left hand.

"Bella," I sighed. "I'm not going to solder it to your finger. Just try it on so I can see if it needs to be sized. Then you can take it right off."

"Fine," she said, grumbling.

She reached for the ring but I beat her to it. Suppressing a large amount of joy, I gently took her left hand and slid the ring onto her third finger. I committed the gesture to memory and savoured it for the few seconds that it lasted.

I held her hand out, uttering a grateful prayer it wasn't this hand she fractured. We both looked at it. I didn't want to take my eyes off it. _My _ring, on _my _Bella. It was all I could do to not give voice to the immense happiness that was bubbling within me.

"A perfect fit," I said, praising whatever deity it was that was making my voice sound indifferent. "That's nice. Saves me a trip to the jeweller's."

She turned and stared at my face. "You like that don't you?" she asked, suspiciously, fluttering her fingers.

"Sure," I said, shrugging. "It looks very nice on you." It looked _perfect _on her. Like it was made for her.

She continued to examine my face carefully. Her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes met mine, and suddenly I was unable to hold it back any longer. My face broke into the biggest smile I had worn in decades and I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her sure and deep. My lips moulded against hers and I tried to convey all the joy and passion that was radiating through me.

When I finally broke away, her breathing wasn't the only one that was ragged.

"Yes, I like it," I whispered against her ear. "You have _no_ idea." Only one more thing would make this evening perfect.

"I believe you," she said, gasping out a laugh.

"Do you mind if I do something?" I murmured, my arms tightening around her.

"Anything you want," she said.

I let go and slipped off the bed.

"Anything but that," she complained.

I ignored her protest and pulled her off the bed as well. Standing opposite her, I placed my hands on her shoulders.

"Now, I want to do this right. Please, _please_, keep in mind that you've already agreed to this, and don't ruin it for me," I begged.

"Oh no," she gasped as I went down on one knee.

"Be nice," I muttered.

I heard her breathe deeply.

"Isabella Swan?" I said, my voice thick and hoarse with emotion. These were the words I had wanted to say ever since I met her. "I promise to love you forever – every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

I stared into her eyes, letting her see all the love and devotion I had for her. After an impossibly long moment she uttered the word I had been waiting to hear for so long.

"Yes," she whispered, softly and sweetly.

"Thank you," I said, reverently. I kissed each of her fingertips and finally the ring that rested so beautifully on her delicate finger.

* * *

**A/N: **Wow! 9000-odd words! I just realized. Hope it doesn't ramble. So people please review. Those of you who are about to add me onto favourite story/author or story alert. I'm flattered but leave your thoughts behind too! =D


	11. The One We Both Love

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! The dialogues between Bella, Edward and Jacob are from Chapter 22 in Eclipse.

**Author's Note:** I am so sorry I have taken forever to update folks! You have every right to yell at me. I had a terrible writer's block and my life got insanely busy. I was cast in a play that I auditioned for (I am _thrilled_ about this by the way) and have rehearsals three times a week. This wouldn't be so much of an issue but it's out of town for me so I spend a lot of my traveling to Colombo and back. And something tells me hauling my dad's laptop in public transport isn't a good idea. =/ So please bear with me people. I _will_ finish this, I swear. Just may take a while in between chapters.

For those of you who read the one-shot I posted a few weeks ago, 'I Will Never Leave You', I went back and made some changes and extended it a little bit at the suggestion of Justine Lark. Check out her stories as well as Gleena's "Cold War". Amazing, amazing stories! So go re-read IWNLY. It sounds a lot better.

And there is a contest being held my Renesme CARLY Cullen. There are lots of categories so go check it out and enter your own fics or nominate your favourite stories!

One more thing and I swear I'll shut up. Can someone recommend a good Edward POV on Breaking Dawn for me? I have a sudden urge to read one…

Thank you to all who reviewed my previous chapter. They were all incredibly sweet and please do the same for this as well.

Enjoy!

* * *

If last night had been the best in all my hundred years, then this one, undoubtedly made the list as one of my least favourite. I would have gladly sacrificed a number of things, if this night could be a ridiculous nightmare that would disappear in the morning.

I was sitting as far as I could from Bella as she slept in the small tent. It was the first night in a long time that I had stayed near her while she slept and not held her. Neither of us could handle unnecessary distance after my return from Italy and now my arms ached to hold her. It did not feel right without her soft body pressed against my eternally cold one, warming it to the core.

Cold…

I sighed. That was the very reason why I couldn't be near her now. Why I hadn't so much as breathed on her in several hours. Why my love, my _fiancée _had to be kept warm by a _dog!_ Who was in love with her, no less and milking this opportunity for all it was worth.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and forced myself to calm down. I reminded myself that Jacob was doing her a favor, that he was keeping her from freezing to death. Instead I tried to concentrate on pleasanter things.

I allowed the memory of my mother's ring on Bella's finger to swim into my mind. Instantly I could feel my grim mood dissipate. Thinking of Bella was as calming as having Jasper use his gift on me. And this particular memory was one I could dwell on for all eternity.

That Bella had finally said 'yes' to me, was something that had not fully sunk in. I grinned, remembering how her intentions for the evening had had the complete opposite effect. My silly, beautiful, innocent Bella. There was no necessity for her to attempt seducing me. She achieved that with a single look my way.

As much as I didn't want it if Bella didn't, I couldn't help but rejoice that my sister would most probably be planning the wedding. The old daydream of Bella walking down the aisle towards me in white came back. It made me feel almost light headed. Perhaps if I could make the eternal vows in front of God it would redeem me of some of the monstrous qualities I possessed. We hadn't decided when it would be and I was perfectly content to let Bella call the shots on the date. As long as she would be my wife, I could wait forever. She would be mine, all mine to love and cherish forever…

I tensed again however, as I remembered the promise I had made to her. That we would try… Never had my mind been so torn by indecision. I couldn't fathom why this particular choice was so much more difficult than the others. If I had thought the internal battle in my mind over her request to be changed, to be allowed to La Push, even the one to be with her at all had been difficult, I had been sorely mistaken.

And yet, that she wanted me _that_ way was, in itself, staggering to believe. That she desired to be as close to me as I craved to be closer to her. My entire being was at her mercy. Which was why I found it so difficult to deny her anything. As her blood called out to me, her body now sang for me, intoxicating me in every way. It was all I could do to keep my self-restraint intact. We were two halves of the same whole and we had denied the inevitable union for so long. She had completed me and drawn me out of the deep, dark abyss I had unknowingly buried myself in. How I lived eighty-odd years of my life without her was a scientific mystery. I wanted her, _needed _her as desperately as she seemed to want me too. I yearned to worship her body the way I worshipped everything else about her…

And so, against my better judgment, I had given in to her pleas, secretly glad since they were mine as well.

A shiver from Bella caught my eye. Jacob's arms tightened around her and I scowled. The picture was so wrong. It was _my _arms that belonged around her. The dog was lucky the howling wind reminded me why his presence was necessary.

I thought back to the conversation he and I had had. It was….interesting, to say the least.

* * *

His irritating thoughts had not helped my already black mood. I was frustrated and angry that I was helpless to stop the shivers that wracked Bella's body. I couldn't feel the violent wind, but I knew if this kept up there was a high possibility of her getting sick.

And he was not helping.

_Honestly leech, how can you just __sit __there? She's freezing dammit!_

Did he really think I could not see that? A snarl threatened to escape.

_Do something! Take her back home! Something!_

"What do you want me to do?" I growled. "Carry her through _that_? I don't see you making yourself useful. Why don't you go fetch her a space heater or something?" And leave us alone, I added silently. Why he couldn't have sent Seth Clearwater and left us in peace was beyond me.

"I'm ok-k-k-k-k-k-_kay_" Bella said. It took so much effort for her to stammer the word out it physically hurt to watch. Clearly she was not okay. I could hear the mongrel growl the same thought.

Another vicious gust of wind swept past, shaking the tent. Through Jacob's eyes, I could see the trees outside bend in two at the force of the gale. His next thoughts were accompanied by an ear splitting howl.

_All right! That's it! I'm coming in. You want a heater for her? You're getting it!_

Too late I realized what he was implying.

"That was hardly necessary," I muttered. "And that's the worst idea I've ever heard."

"Better than anything you've come up with," the dog said, now in his human form. I could hear him pulling on his sweatpants. "_Go fetch a space heater,_" he mocked, "I'm not a St. Bernard."

The zip of the tent whizzed open and he slid his large frame into the tent. Bella shivered at the sudden wind that entered the tent.

I hissed. "I don't like this. Just give her the coat and get out." His mental images were making it impossible to even attempt mock politeness.

I could see Bella's confusion as she stuttered, "W-w-w-w-w-w."

"The parka's for tomorrow – she's too cold to warm it up by herself," he said. "It's frozen." I could see that. Icicles were glistening off it as he dropped it by the door.

That did not make his plan any more desirable, however.

"You said she needed a space heater and here I am," he continued, the triumph in his voice painfully obvious. I knew he was saying this out loud so that Bella could hear him.

Comprehension dawned on her face but it was contorted by the tremors that were still shaking her body.

"J-J-J-J-Jake, you'll f-f-f-freez-z-ze," she stammered.

_I wish he would _I thought, venomously.

"Not me," the dog said. His voice was so cheerful, it was aggravating. "I run at a toasty one-oh-eight point nine these days. I'll have you sweating in no time."

The suggestive tenor in his thoughts made the snarl escape from my mouth. The insolent, cocky, son of a….

Common sense was telling me that his idea was sensible. Bella was freezing and there was nothing I could do about it. He could. He was literally radiating heat that she desperately needed. But the common sense was being successfully drowned out by the voice that was screaming that no one had the right to touch her except me. She was _mine!_

I was hardly aware of my movements as I flew across the tent and clenched my hand on the dog's bare shoulder as he unzipped the sleeping bag. A little more pressure and I could easily snap it like a twig…

"Get your hand off of me," he growled.

"Keep _your _hands off of her," I snarled in retaliation. I was on the verge of dislocating his shoulder when Bella's shivering voice penetrated the possessive, angry haze on my brain.

"D-d-d-don't f-f-f-f-fight," she pleaded. She gritted her teeth as another shiver ripped through her body.

"I'm sure she'll thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off," he snapped.

I hesitated. Glaring at the mutt, I grudgingly saw that his intentions were the same as mine. Keep Bella warm. Reluctantly, I moved back to my previous position.

"Watch yourself," I warned him, blackly.

He simply chuckled. Of course he would find the situation amusing, I thought in disgust.

"Scoot over, Bella," he said, unzipping the sleeping bag all the way down.

A moment's hesitation and Bella was protesting as forcefully as she could while stammering.

"N-n-n-n-n," she said, feebly. It made me feel slightly better that she seemed as appalled as I was about his intentions.

"Don't be stupid. Don't you _like _having ten toes?" he asked her in exasperation.

Without waiting for her to answer he stuffed himself next to her. I cringed at their close contact.

Her face broke into an expression of instant bliss. I knew it had to be at the relief of the warmth but it was easy to fool myself that it was because she enjoyed the close contact. My insides convulsed with pain as he put his arms around her and hugged her close. I kept a constant mantra chanting _so she can be warm, so she can be warm _to prevent myself from ripping him from her side. The jealousy was burning through me like an inferno.

"Jeez, you're freezing, Bella," I heard him complain. A growl began to push its way out of my throat. Isn't this what he wanted to do? Warm her? I wouldn't need him around if she _was_ feeling warm.

"S-s-s-s-sorry," she stuttered. My sweet Bella, apologizing for something he was obviously _not _sorry for.

"Try to relax," he told her. "You'll be warm in a minute. Of course, you'd warm up faster if you took your clothes off."

A growl escaped my mouth. He was rapidly jeopardizing his well being.

"That's just a simple fact," he said, defensively. "Survival one-oh-one."

Yes, I'm sure that was all that was on his mind. Impertinent dog!

"C-c-cut it out, Jake," Bella snapped. "N-n-n-nobody really n-n-n-n-needs all ten t-t-t-toes."

"Don't worry about the bloodsucker. He's just jealous," the mongrel said, smugly. _Seriously leech, you have no idea how pleasant it is to see you like this._

He was trying to provoke me, I knew. Well, I would not let him have that satisfaction.

"Of course I am," I said, as smoothly as I could. "You don't have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what you're doing for her, mongrel."

"Those are the breaks," he said, the superior tone still evident in his voice. _But it's not me she wants _he suddenly thought. "At least, you know she wishes it was you," he said, bitterly.

"True," I agreed.

Minutes passed and Bella's shivering slowly stopped. Her breathing returned to a normal rate and I could tell she was no longer freezing.

"There," Jacob said, sounding childishly pleased. "Feeling better?"

"Yes," she said thankfully, able to speak clearly again.

Despite how much he was irritating me with his cocky attitude, I couldn't help be grateful to Jacob Black. As much as I longed to, I couldn't, would never be able to keep Bella warm. Just another reminder that I was not human. That I was a horrendous aberration… And underneath the arrogance, I knew Jacob cared about her.

"Your lips are still blue," he mused. "Want me to warm those up for you too? You only have to ask?"

I sighed in irritation, as his mind launched a barrage of images of himself kissing her.

"Behave yourself," Bella muttered. She pressed her lips to his shoulder and he flinched. Even though I knew she did that to get back at what he said, my chest constricted at the sight of her lips on any surface save my body.

Silence filled the tent as each of us were lost in our own thoughts. Unfortunately, the only mind I wished was open to me was silent and the one I could do well not to hear was literally bellowing them out to me. The mongrel was thoroughly enjoying the closeness. I winced inwardly, as his mind roved among all the fantasies he had ever had concerning Bella. I tried hard to concentrate on other things. Even the sound of Bella's blood rushing through her body as it slowly thawed was easier to bear that this mental onslaught.

"Jake," she mumbled after a while. "Can I ask you something? I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything. I'm honestly curious."

"Sure," he said, chuckling. _She is so beautiful. _

I had to agree with him on that matter.

"Why are you so much furrier than your friends? You don't have to answer if I'm being rude."

"Because my hair is longer," he answered her, sounding amused. He shook his shaggy mane out to demonstrate. I wrinkled my nose as his scent wafted through the enclosed space.

"Oh," Bella said. She sounded confused. "Then why don't you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?"

_Aargh! How do I tell her it's because she seems to like my hair long??? Not with __him__ sitting there!_

I laughed.

_Damn! Stupid, mind-reading leech!_

"Sorry," she said, yawning. "I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me."

The dog made an exasperated sound. "Oh, he'll tell you anyway, so I might as well," _Before he tells her something way off. _"I was growing my hair out because…it seemed like you liked it better long," he said in a rush.

"Oh," she said. "I, er, like it both ways, Jake. You don't need to be…inconvenienced."

He shrugged. "Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so don't worry about it." He gave me a sidelong glance, challenging me to disagree. Well, I wasn't disagreeing, but it didn't mean I had to like it.

The minutes stretched and I could see Bella's eyelids droop as her breathing grew slower.

I could feel the awe in Jacob's mind as he watched her fall asleep. It seemed he was as enthralled by her as I was.

"That's right, honey, go to sleep," he breathed.

I suppressed a growl at the endearment. What was it about this century that made it all right for men to openly show affection towards a woman whom they were not romantically involved with? It was something I would never comprehend.

A sudden howl could be heard amidst the wailing wind. I listened, knowing instantly that it was one of the pack.

_Er…Edward right? Could you let Jake know I'm right outside? He wanted to know. _

"Seth is here," I said, recognizing the young wolf.

"Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you," he said, boldly.

I decided it would be prudent if I didn't attempt an answer to that.

Silence descended upon the tent once again. Outside, the wind howled like an angry monster. Had I been superstitious, I would have seen this as a bad omen for the impending fight.

Even though I was anxious for my family, I wasn't sorry that I had decided to stay with Bella. Apart from the fact that the mutt would have had no misgivings about taking advantage of my absence, I realized that it would have been unbearable for me to be away from her as well, especially under the circumstances. I later realized that my longing to be in that clearing was solely so I could once and for all unleash my fury upon those who were a threat to her life.

I had missed my chance with James. Only Bella, lying on the floor, broken and in pain could have distracted me from ripping him into shreds. After seeing the sadistic video he had made, I _had _been sorry my brothers had got to him before I did. He had been fortunate. I would have made sure he felt the same pain Bella had gone through.

The pack had gotten to Laurent. I shuddered thinking how close to death Bella had been. It had been my idiocy, once again that nearly ended her life. If I had been there, if I had never left…

Was Bella right in thinking that this was Victoria? It wasn't impossible. If it was, how I longed to be the one who destroyed her. I tried, for Carlisle's sake not to dwell upon taking another's life, but in this case I would be ruthless. For once, I would gladly let the monster in me take control and annihilate every being who merely contemplated harming a hair on her beautiful head.

But I trusted my family to do that for me. I knew they were as enraged as I was at anything that threatened Bella. They would ensure that these newborns and their vile creator got what they deserved.

A train of thought caught my attention.

_Oh God! Bella's skin feels so good next to mine… She clearly prefers being next to me. I could see it in her face. Why can't she tell the leech to get lost and be with me? He probably freezes her. Ugh! _

I tried to concentrate on something else. Seth Clearwarter's mind seemed like a good place. The young wolf had a very stress-free mind, even on the eve of the battle. All his thoughts were focused on the excitement of his first mission.

To my chagrin, it was impossible to completely drown out the mutt's thoughts.

_This is how it should be. She and I together… If I tried, maybe I can imagine that she's with me. This would be how we would spend the night together…_

It was like a sick attraction that I kept listening and seeing what he was seeing. Bella in his bed, his lips on hers, Bella moaning his name as he…

"_Please!_" I hissed. "Do you _mind!_"

"What?" he whispered, sounding surprised. I couldn't believe it? It seemed to have escaped his memory that I could hear every single thought that ran through his over-imaginative brain. I clenched my fists, trying to banish the stab of pain that his mere fantasies had sent through me.

"Do you think you could _attempt_ to control your thoughts?" I replied, furiously.

"No one said you had to listen," he muttered. I heard a hint of embarrassment in his voice. "Get out of my head."

He had no idea how I wished I could.

"I wish I _could._" Did he think I _enjoyed_ seeing Bella with him? "You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It's like you're throwing them at me."

"I'll try to keep it down," he said sarcastically. Wonderful, I thought. I had probably given him more ammunition to torment me with. I wouldn't be held responsible if he wound up with some of his limbs broken.

_Can't even think in peace! Damn mind-reader! But… Come to think of it, that's probably just a fantasy for him too. He'd kill her if he tried to let go. Ha! I bet he's jealous __I __can hold her as tight as I want to…_

"Yes," I answered the question he was wondering about. "I'm jealous of that, too." I could never abandon all restraint and let myself feel all I was capable of feeling around her. Not while she was human, at any rate.

"I figured it was like that." The smug tone was back in his voice. "Sort of evens out the playing field up a little, doesn't it?"

He was such a child, to think that physicality was all there was to love.

"In your dreams," I said, unable to help a chuckle at his naivety.

"You know, she could still change her mind," he continued, trying to provoke a reaction from me once again. "Considering _all_ the things I could do with her that you can't. At least not without killing her, that is."

And yet, you aren't the one she attempted to seduce now, was it? You aren't the one she agreed to marry are you? I suppressed the urge to say this out loud. I would _not_ be goaded by Jacob Black. I found it easier to ignore him if I imagined my ring on Bella's finger.

"Go to sleep, Jacob. You're starting to get on my nerves." I said.

"I think I will. I'm really very comfortable," he said, pointedly.

I kept my own images bright in my mind.

_I wonder if he'd really answer if I asked him…_ Another wayward thought of his floated into my head.

"Maybe I would," I said, when he didn't voice it out loud.

"But would you be honest?" he countered.

"You can always ask and see," I said, smoothly. I was slightly curious. What did he want to know? Obviously something concerning Bella and I.

"Well, you see inside my head – let me see inside yours tonight, it's only fair."

Maybe it would do the dog good to see the extent to which I cared. For some unfathomable reason I wanted him to understand the depth of my feelings for her. I didn't understand why I felt this way. There were enough people at school and in the rest of Forks who openly wondered what the elusive and so far lonely Cullen sibling saw in Bella Swan. Blind, all of them were in my opinion. Yet I had never felt obligated to prove myself to any of them.

I tried to concentrate on what he was asking me.

_Is he really confident of how she feels? He has to know there is __something__ between Bella and me, even if she doesn't see it yet. How does he stand to be with her and not be able to touch her? If he loves her as much as he says he does how and why the hell did he leave her?_

"Your head is full of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?" I asked, unable to pick out one thought amongst the sea of tangled queries.

"The jealousy…it _has _to be eating at you," he began. Eating at me was an inadequate description. Devouring me, more like. "You can't be sure of yourself as you seem. Unless you have no emotions at all."

"Of course it is," I answered. The tight fist around my heart was clenching once again. "Right now it's so bad that I can barely contain my voice. Of course, it's even worse when she's away from me, with you, and I can't see her."

"Do you think about it all the time?" he asked, sounding almost eager but genuinely curious. "Does it make it hard to concentrate when she's not with you?" _I go nuts when she's not with me. It has to be worse for him…_

"Yes and no," I said. I searched for a way to explain properly. I didn't want him to think that my mind didn't constantly revolve around Bella. Vampire minds simply worked differently. "My mind doesn't work quite the same way as yours. I can think of many more things at one time. Of course, that means that I am _always_ able to think of you, always able to wonder if that's where her mind is, when she's quiet and thoughtful."

_Wow! I try not to think about Bella with him. But he can't help it…. Jeez! Am I feeling sorry for the bloodsucker? What is __wrong__ with me???? But wait… He wonders if she thinks about me….? That means she __does__ think of me. Right? Does she?_

"Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you often. More often than I like," I said, quietly, in response to his thoughts. I remembered all too well the frequent debates we would have, when she would try her hardest to convince me she would be safe at La Push. I could clearly recall the sadness and worry that would fill her eyes at the though of her werewolf best friend. No matter how much I told her otherwise, she was convinced it was her fault that he was hurting. Though I sympathized with him, I did not like the way he would guilt her into feeling worse about it. His words outside the Forks High School after we returned from Florida came back to me, _"Who needs friends?"_ Bella's face had crumpled and I wanted to throttle his unfeeling neck at making it harder for her. I couldn't help the accusing tone that seeped into my voice. "She worries that you're unhappy. Not that you don't know that. Not that you don't _use_ that."

_Easy for him to talk! She knows she's in love with him!_

"I have to use whatever I can get," he muttered. "I'm not working with your advantages – advantages like knowing she's in love with you."

"That helps," I said, trying to keep a nonchalant tone. I would _not_ let him see how I knew it was only a matter of time that she realized her feelings for him.

"She's in love with me, too, you know," he said defiantly, his thoughts echoing his words.

I did not answer. What could I say?

He sighed in frustration. "But she _doesn't _know it." _No matter what I do to make her realize it…_

"I can't tell you if you're right," I said, truthfully. My suspicions were an entirely different matter. For once I was glad I didn't know the answer.

_Huh? Oh right, he can't read her mind… That must bother him…_

"Does that bother you?" he asked. "Do you wish you could see what she's thinking, too?"

"Yes….and no again," I said, changing my mind mid-sentence. There were things I was better off not knowing and no matter what I wished, my inability to read her mind made her feel more comfortable. "She likes it better this way, and though it sometimes drives me insane, I'd rather she was happy."

_Jeez! This guy is so typically 'prefect'. Ugh! _

I nearly chortled at his thoughts. I was anything but perfect.

Another vicious gust of wind howled, shaking the tent with it. I heard Seth give a slight moan outside the tent.

_Damn weather had to go nuts today… _I heard Jacob think as he tightened his arms around Bella. _I hope she's warm enough. She looks okay…_

"Thank you," I said, before I could stop myself. "Odd as this might sound, I suppose I'm glad you're here, Jacob." If it was for Bella I would endure anything. I had to.

_Yeah right! _

"You mean, 'as much I'd love to kill you, I'm glad she's warm,' right?" he said, a wry smile on his face.

"It's an uncomfortable truce isn't it?" I agreed, smiling slightly myself.

_Guess the leech has human feelings after all. Ha!_

"I knew you had to be as crazy jealous as I am," he said, smugly. I could sense he was feeling better that I had the same insecurities as he did, despite being the one whom she was with.

"I'm not such a fool to wear it on my sleeve like you do," I said, a little scornfully. "It doesn't help your case, you know."

"You have more patience that I do," he said, defensively.

"I should," I said, darkly. "I've had a hundred years to gain it. A hundred years of waiting for _her_." I was still unable to comprehend how I had existed all those years without her.

_Aw! I hate it when he says stuff like that. Makes me sound like a kid!_

Yes, Jacob Black was very much a child. He hadn't seen the things I had or lived long enough to appreciate a treasure like Bella. But I could… I knew what an existence without her meant. Nothing. Nothing at all.

_I wonder what made him suddenly change his mind about Bella coming over to the rez._

"So…at what point did you decide to play the very patient good guy?" he asked, giving voice to his thoughts.

"When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose." Memories of the day she slipped of to La Push despite the 'kidnapping' was vivid in my mind. The thought that I had reduced her to that made my insides curl even now. "It's not usually this difficult to control. I can smother the…less civilized feelings I may have for you fairly easily. Sometimes I think she sees thorough me, but I can't be sure."

"I think you were just worried that if you really forced her to choose, she might not choose you."

Amazing… The dog came to the conclusion it had taken me several hours to get to, in a matter of seconds. Did he really know Bella better than I did? No, I couldn't believe that.

"That was part of it," I grudgingly admitted.

_Ha! I knew it!_

"But only a small part," I said, before he continued on that train of thought. "We all have our moments of doubt." I wasn't ready to reveal that that had been my biggest fear. Not to him. "Mostly I was worried that she'd hurt herself trying to sneak away to see you. After I'd accepted that she was more or less safe with you – as safe as Bella ever is – it seemed best to stop driving her to extremes."

_Wish Bella was awake to hear this. But then he wouldn't say all this. Damn!_

"I'd tell her all of this, but she'd never believe me," he said, sighing.

"I know," I said, stifling a smile. She'd be more surprised at her best friend and boyfriend, declared enemies, attempting a civil conversation.

"You think you know everything," he muttered, annoyed. _Just because he reads minds…_

The smile on my face vanished. "I don't know the future," I said, fighting to keep the uncertainty in my voice to a minimum. Somehow seeing him hold her like thiswas making the future seem even more unclear.

_He's afraid. My God he's afraid she'll leave him… And here I though he was so sure of himself. I knew he was jealous but…. Jeez!_

Jacob's realization was so sudden he was even forgetting to think hostilely.

"What would you do if she changed her mind?" he asked.

A jolt of pain ran through my body. What would I do? Writhe in agony at not having her for the rest of my miserable existence…

"I don't know that either," I said, as indifferently as I could.

He chuckled. _Yeah right you don't. You'd come looking for me. And mind you, leech I'd be more than ready for the fight._

"Would you try to kill me?" he asked, mockingly.

"No," I said, firmly.

_Oh cut the noble crap! _"Why not?" he asked, his tone still jeering.

I looked at him scathingly. "Do you really think I would hurt her that way?"

He faltered. _Oh. Right… He's thinking of Bella. Damn! I always end up looking like the insensitive one._

He sighed. "Yeah you're right. I know that's right. But," _I bet he __wants__ to even though he wouldn't do it. _"sometimes…"

"Sometimes it's an intriguing idea," I said, agreeing with his thoughts.

He turned his face into the sleeping bag to muffle his laughter. _Gotcha! _I heard him think.

"Exactly," he said. _Feeling's mutual, leech. _

We were silent for a moment. The wind continued to howl mercilessly around us. I heard Jacob muse on the weather once again. Suddenly his thoughts took a turn that I would have paid millions to avoid.

_It's like the day Bella went cliff diving… Hmmm…. She said, he thought she had committed suicide. That must have been…hard. __I__ nearly had a heart attack after pulling her out…_

"What it is like? Losing her?" he asked. There was no lightness or enmity in his tone. Just raw curiosity. Wondering if I had felt as terrified as he did. "When you thought you had lost her forever? How did you…cope?"

"That's very difficult for me to talk about," I said, shortly.

He waited. I could hear his mind relive the events of that day. Seeing it in his head was as bad as seeing the visions in Alice's mind. The chilling, blank look on Bella's face, the way she was tossed around like a piece of wood by the ruthless waves, her shaking, shivering form on the beach as he revived her… How did I explain that while he had only panicked, I had suddenly felt myself empty? That once it sunk in I had felt only wave upon wave of endless agony. The pain of my transformation had been tame in comparison to this hell that had found me on earth.

"There were two different times that I thought that," I began. I was finding it hard to speak coherently as the pain built in my chest again. "The first time, when I though I could leave her…that was…almost bearable. Because I thought she would forget me and it would be like I hadn't touched her life." I was still ashamed at the way I had assumed her feelings for me were not as strong as mine were for her. I had underestimated our love and would forever pay the price for it. "For over six months I was able to stay away. It was getting close – I was fighting but I knew I wasn't going to win; I would have come back…just to check on her. That's what I would have told myself, anyway. And if I'd found her reasonably happy… I like to think that I could have gone away again."

Glutton as I was for torture, I had wondered countless times what would have happened if I _had_ found her reasonably happy. Despite what I told Jacob, I knew that it would have been physically impossible for me to let her out of my sight, regardless of whether she would have moved on or not. I would have waited and watched her from afar.

"But she wasn't happy," I continued. "And I would have stayed. That's how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were wondering about that before, what could possibly motivate me…what she was feeling so needlessly guilty about. She reminded me of what it did to her when I left – what it still does to her when I leave."

The memory of her broken question and my cold answer was sickeningly clear in my mind and would undoubtedly haunt me for the rest of my existence

"_You don't want me…?"_

"_No."_

Bella had no reason to feel guilty. None at all.

"She feels horrible about bringing it up, but she's right. I'll never be able to make up for that, but I'll never stop trying anyway," I said.

Jacob didn't immediately respond. I could hear him absorbing what I had said, wondering how in the world I took myself away from her. I was glad he didn't ask me that question out loud. There weren't any words to express how torturous that decision had been.

"And the other time – when you though she was dead?" Jacob asked. His voice was rough.

_Will I feel how he did when she become one of __them?__ Dead. Cold. Gone. Not Bella anymore…_

"Yes, it will probably feel like that to you, won't it?" I said, answering the broken thoughts in his mind. Even though I wanted to sound contemptuous, it was difficult to infuse my voice with it. I had the same reservation about Bella's change, after all. I did disagree with him on one point though. "The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as _Bella_ anymore. But that's who she'll be."

"That's not what I asked," he spat out.

I felt a numbness wash over me. The fist inside me clenched at my dead heart sending jolts of phantom pain over me. Rosalie's voice, echoed in my mind.

"_She's dead, Edward… Bella…threw herself off a cliff two days ago…"_

The mere memory of those words being said to be were enough to nearly drive me out of my mind. The sheer thought of Bella not in this world, not in _my_ world was beyond excruciating. Detaching one of my limbs from my body would have been infinitely less painful.

"I can't tell you how it felt. There aren't words," I answered, shortly.

His arms tensed around her. I could sense a protective, almost desperate tenor in his thoughts.

"But you left because you didn't want to make her a bloodsucker. You _want_ her to be human," he said. _She can be that with me. She can stay human. That's what you want. Why are you still here?_

I spoke slowly, slightly unsure again how to adequately express how I felt. It was difficult for someone who wasn't one of us to comprehend how intense our emotions are. How could I explain that my universe revolved around Bella? That if she ceased to exist so would time and space? That my every action depended solely on her happiness? That I needed her as much as humans needed air to breathe? It wasn't a feeling for which any language had a word for.

"Jacob, from the second that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didn't feel as strongly for me – if she got over me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me as a …living stone – hard and cold. That's true. We are set the way we are, and it is very rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. There's no going back."

I could clearly recall, going through these same alternatives in my mind, while perched on Bella's windowsill, the moment I realized the sun had risen on my eternal night.

"The second alternative, the one I'd originally chosen was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasn't a good option for her, to waste her life with someone who couldn't be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years – it would seem like a very, very short time to me… But then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world."

The encounter with the nomads and Bella's near death had me questioning my actions again. But it had been easy to push the inevitable to the back of my mind. The worries had ceased to mere echoes in that bliss-filled summer we had spent.

Everything doubt and misgiving had come crashing down with startling clarity on the day of her eighteenth birthday. It had been a stark reminder of all the dangers, of my insanity at even imagining she could be a part of my dark world.

"It seemed like everything that could go wrong, did. Or hung over us…waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldn't get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human."

He was listening closely, processing every word I said.

"So I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worse mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didn't work, and it very nearly killed us both."

Perhaps the only positive outcome of that bleak period was that we learned the other was unwilling to consider living alone. Death seemed trivial, preferable even than a life without the other.

"What do I have but the fourth option? It's what she wants – at least, she thinks she does. I've been trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but she's very…stubborn. You know _that._ I'll be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September…"

"I like option one," Jacob muttered.

I didn't respond. I felt strangely spent after that outpouring. The subject wasn't an easy one to think about, let alone discuss.

"You know _exactly_ how much I hate to accept this," Jacob whispered, suddenly. "but I can see that you do love her… in your way. I can't argue with that anymore."

_There's no point trying to pretend he doesn't. Not after hearing all that…_

He spoke slowly, as if it were difficult for him to say. Which I expected it was. Admitting that I truly loved her was a big step for him. I was oddly stirred.

"Given that, I don't think you should give up on the first alternative, not yet. I think there's a very good chance that she would be okay. After time. You know, if she hadn't jumped off a cliff in March…and if you'd waited another six months to check on her… Well, you might have found her reasonably happy. I had a game plan."

He was running through his strategy in his mind. I had to admit, it was feasible. He had intended to simply be there for Bella as he had been up to that point. A shoulder for her to lean on and nothing more. In his thoughts I could see that there had been a slow, but steady improvement in her within the time she had started spending with him. Though he had expressed how he felt about her, he would wait until she felt she was ready. He cared enough about her to let her heal.

I chuckled miserably. "Maybe it would have worked," I said. "It was a well thought out plan."

"Yeah," he agreed sighing. "But…" _It's still not impossible. I've never had a fair chance with her. I can make her happy. I know I can._ I winced as he gave voice to his thoughts, whispering so fast, his words tangled over each other. "give me a year bl – Edward." I registered his use of my name instead of the derogatory terms we used on each other. "I really think I could make her happy. She's stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but she's capable of healing. She would have healed before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Renee, and she could grow up, and have kids and…be Bella."

Unknowingly he had brought up the argument that had me at a dead end. I wanted all he mentioned for Bella so, so much…

"You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She thinks you're very unselfish…are you really?" he questioned, a challenge in his tone. "Can you consider the idea that I might be better for her than you are?"

"I _have _considered it," I said, quietly.

If only he knew the amount of time I had agonized over what he could give her that I would never be able to. He hardly knew that I considered myself the person who deserved her the least. That, unbearable though it would be, if I had to choose anyone who would be good for Bella, it would be him.

_What??? _I saw his eyes fly up to my face in shock.

"In some ways, you would be better suited for her than another human. Bella takes some looking after, and you're strong enough that you could protect her from herself, and everything that conspires against her. You _have_ done that already, and I'll owe you for that for as long as I live – forever – whichever comes first…

"I even asked Alice if she could see that – see if Bella would be better off with you. She couldn't, of course. She can't see you, and then Bella's sure of her course, for now."

_Jesus Christ!_

"But I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob," I said, my voice hardening. "I won't try to force her into that option again. As long as she wants me, I'm here."

"And if she were to decide that she wanted me?" he challenged. "Okay, it's a long shot, I'll give you that."

"I would let her go," I said. I had made my decision regarding this issue a long time ago. If Bella wanted it, I wouldn't hesitate to let her go, even if it tore me apart.

_Oh please… _"Just like that?" He sounded skeptical.

"In the sense that I'd never show her how hard it was for me, yes. But I would keep watch. You see, Jacob, you might leave _her _someday."

_The hell I will bloodsucker. __I __wouldn't do that to her. _

I didn't miss the pointed accusation. Ignoring his mental protests I went on. "Like Sam and Emily, you wouldn't have a choice," I reminded him.

He was silent.

"I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen."

I could hear him struggling to find a counter argument to my words. But he couldn't deny that I was right. He snorted finally.

"Well, you've been much more honest that I had any right to expect…Edward. Thanks for letting me in your head."

I acknowledged his thanks with a nod.

"As I said, I'm feeling oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight. It was the least I could do…"

It was difficult for me to remain objective about Jacob Black. If it weren't for his feelings about Bella and our natural instincts to kill each other I might have found him rather amiable company.

"You know, Jacob," I said, "if it weren't for the fact that we're natural enemies and that you're also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you."

"Maybe…if you weren't a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck out the life of the girl I love…" _would I like him…? Nah! _"well, no not even then."

I chuckled, amused. He had a forthrightness that I grudgingly admired.

I suddenly remembered something I'd been meaning to ask him.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Why would you have to ask?" he asked, in surprise.

"I can only hear you if you think about it," I explained. "It's just a story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about a third wife…?"

"What about it?" he asked.

I didn't answer, listening intently as he ran through the legend in his head. My body tensed and I let out an involuntary hiss as I realized why Bella was so drawn to it.

"What?" Jacob demanded.

"Of course," I seethed, as her sleep talking made chilling sense. "Of course! I rather wish your elders had kept _that_ story to themselves, Jacob."

"You don't like the leeches being painted as the bad guys," he jeered. "You know they _are. _Then and _now_."

"I really couldn't care less about that part," I said, through clenched teeth. "Can't you guess which character Bella would identify with?"

_What? The third wife? Bella? Oh…Oh! Damn! _"Oh. Ugh. The third wife. Okay I see your point." _Bella __would__ think of that!_

"She wants to be in that clearing. To do what little she can, as she puts it." I sighed. "That was the second reason for my staying with her tomorrow. She's quite inventive when she wants something."

"You know, your military brother gave her the ides just as much as the story did."

"Neither side meant any harm," I said, quietly, defending my brother. Jasper's mind jumped to all possibilities before ruling them out. He couldn't help it as much as the Quileutes could help the legends they had.

"And when does _this_ little truce end?" he asked. "First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?"

For the sake of the alliance, I would remain civil as long as I had to. But the second Bella didn't need his…assistance I wouldn't try so hard to be friendly.

His thoughts were echoing mine.

"First light," we whispered together. Neither of us could stop the simultaneous laugh that followed.

_This is just __too__ weird…_

"Sleep well, Jacob," I murmured. "Enjoy the moment." It would be the only one if I could help it. The sensible thing would be to accept the moment and be grateful for small mercies. The night would end soon and Bella would be in my arms before long.

The wind seemed to be finally giving up its relentless attack on the tent and was slowly dying. Silence descended upon us.

_Oh I __am__ enjoying it… God! It feels so good next to her… She's so soft and beautiful… Everything just seems so real when I'm actually holding her…_

I groaned. Trust his hormonal brain to travel in that direction. "I didn't mean that quite so literally," I hissed at him.

"Sorry," he whispered, not sounding sorry at all. "You could leave, you know – give us a little privacy."

Did he think that was _funny?_

"Would you like me to _help_ you sleep, Jacob," I offered, pleasantly. A simple tap to his head and I could knock him unconscious. I flexed my fingers. The urge to do that was becoming more and more tempting.

"You could try," he said, indifferently. The proximity to Bella and the reason he was here had made him braver. "It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldn't it?" _Face it leech, you need me here and you know it…_

I bit back a growl. The dog knew my hands were tied. He was shamelessly taking advantage of the fact that I was depending on him to keep her comfortable.

"Don't tempt me too far, wolf," I said, softly. "My patience isn't _that_ perfect." I wouldn't hesitate to wrench Bella away from him and take her back to the house, plan or no plan. It would be a much wiser decision than actually killing Jacob.

He laughed. "I'd rather not move right now, if you don't mind."

I didn't answer. Resolving to try my hardest to tune his thoughts out, I hummed Bella's lullaby to myself, willing the time to pass soon.

* * *

Yes, the night had been more trying than I would care to admit but I had seen a side of Jacob Black that he hadn't shown around me before.

It was his love for Bella that made him lash out at me for the slightest reason. I knew Bella hated the arrogant façade he adopted most of the time. It was the only way he knew to deal with what he saw as a vile and despicable end to her life.

Even I couldn't deny that he cared deeply for her. And to my surprise, he had granted me the same courtesy. Though he was a teenager and acted accordingly most of the time, there were instances where he seemed more mature than his age. His decision to decline his true place as Alpha was proof of that.

When he was quiet and not antagonizing me it was easier to think of him as an ally, as my love's best friend. Had circumstances been different, I may have tried harder to get to know him, be his friend. Anyone important to Bella was important to me. Even in this circumstance, it was the reason I would never harm Jacob.

Thankfully he had fallen asleep. His dreams were now flitting in between the fight that was only hours away and hazy images of Bella.

My mind strayed to where Bella had begun to talk in her sleep earlier. A part of me, for once wished she hadn't. It was an intimate experience that, so far, only I had the privilege of witnessing. But another part of me was dying to have the wolf hear her say my name in her sleep.

Characteristically she had mumbled "Edward," a few times, jerking Jacob awake from the sleep he had just fallen into.

_Wha…? _I could hear him blearily think.

"Edward…" she had murmured again. "Love you…"

_Oh great! I don't believe this… Do I have to listen to this???_

I had to bite back a vindictive smirk.

She had fallen silent again, although I could sense a restlessness in her. Her heartbeat increased and a few minutes later my sharp ears heard her mutter, "third wife…"

My eyes narrowed. Evidently that idea was still in her mind, despite my agreeing to stay with her.

_Not good._ I heard Jacob echo my thoughts. _I guess its good he'll be here to stop her doing something stupid. Girl has a death wish, honestly!_

I couldn't disagree with that.

Again she fell silent. It looked as if she wouldn't say anything again. Jacob was falling asleep once more.

"Jacob," she had suddenly said.

He and I froze. His thoughts were pure shock, her voice jolting him out of his almost slumber again.

_I'm sorry. What???? Did she just…_

To say that hearing her say another man's name was difficult would be an understatement. The jealousy flared in my chest and I clenched my fists.

"_My _Jacob," she muttered, shifting in her sleep.

_Oh. My. God!!!! She's dreaming about me??? She…I knew it! I… Oh wow!_

I growled softly.

_I didn't say it leech. So lose the fangs already…_

To my utter gratefulness Bella didn't say his name again, though he fought to stay awake hoping she would.

Watching them both as they slept, I couldn't help but remember all the reasons I had had about Jacob being better for her. It was easy to let the doubts cloud the elation I had felt yesterday.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, wishing it was Bella's fingers combing through it. Every second I wasn't holding her felt like a second wasted. It wasn't a question of whether I wanted her or not anymore. I _needed_ her. To live, to exist, to simply function properly. My coma-like state when we were apart was proof of that.

And yet… despite how undeserving I was of her, she had said yes. Could I convince myself that perhaps I had done something right at some point in my life to be worthy of marrying this angel? That maybe I was not as cursed if she agreed to be my wife? Could I?

I gazed at her peaceful face and realized that not only had Bella made my life worth living, made it so much brighter, she had also managed to heal the broken parts of myself. The parts that had cracked with self-loathing and disgust.

Bella loved me. That I knew. That I believed. I could never loathe what she loved. And because of that, I could see myself, eventually, beginning to love myself…

* * *

**A/N:** Please don't forget to leave your thoughts behind... And I always appreciate letting me know whatever mistakes I have made.

* * *


	12. Will I Lose You?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! Most of the dialogues between Bella and Edward are from Chapter 23 in Eclipse.

**Author's Note:** Again I am so sorry this took so long… Between play practices (opening night in 8days! Yikes!), two Speech and Drama exams and getting ready to leave for college I'm going just a little bit insane. But I faithfully promise that I _will_ finish this. It just might take a while. I leave for the US end of this month and my time will definitely be less to write fanfics but I the chapters will come… I cannot thank my readers enough for their patience and their support. The fact that you haven't got mad at me and stopped reading means a lot to me. This was a little rushed so I'd appreciate any comments about any and all errors.

Just a note about the chapter. This was the one place where I felt Edward doesn't stick to his 'perfect-ness'. He always puts Bella before him but he didn't think hurting Jacob meant hurting Bella too. But vampire or not, he has human feelings and human feelings are far from perfect. I tried to portray his torment of mind as accurately as I could. Tell me what you think. This chapter is relatively short. I wasn't planning on stopping here but when I reached this particular place I felt it was a prudent place to end. What do you think? Tell me in a review.

Enjoy and once again I apologize for the delay!

* * *

After what seemed like ages, the weak rays of the morning sun began to penetrate the heavy clouds and fog. The storm had passed and it was a relatively nice day for Forks. The day would only become better if we could finally be rid of the threats to our family once and for all.

I glanced at Bella's sleeping figure. I was glad it was finally morning. Not able to have her in my arms had been sheer torture. I wanted more than anything to hold her and let the warmth of her body soothe me. My sanity literally depended on her touch. Being unable to hold her had been bad enough but having to endure her being cradled by the dog had almost snapped my control several times during the night.

The night hadn't been an easy one.

Seeing her held by another, by a person who loved her, who was capable of giving her more than I could ever hope to give her had been excruciating. Every doubt and misgiving I had about myself had floated back to the surface.

Who had I been trying to fool when I convinced myself I should fight for her love? No matter how much she insisted otherwise the fact remained that Jacob Black would always be better, healthier for this beautiful creature. My conversation with him last night had only increased this feeling.

Hearing Bella's heartbeat pick up speed as she became conscious, I pushed my dark thoughts to the back of my mind. I was hers as long as she wanted me.

She blinked and immediately recoiled from the mongrel's burning skin. This instinctive action of hers made me ridiculously pleased.

She struggled fruitlessly against his tight grip around her. Should I assist her?

Her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes met mine and I could tell she saw beyond the expressionless mask I had fixed on my face.

"Is it any warmer out there?" she asked, voice still hoarse and sleep laden.

"Yes," I answered, smiling slightly at her. "I don't think the space heater will be necessary today."

She strained to reach the zipper and free herself but failed. Looking over at me she asked. "Some help?"

I was only too happy to oblige. Smiling wider, I asked, "Do you want me to take his arms all the way off?"

"No thank you," she quickly said. "Just get me free. I'm going to get heat stroke."

I unzipped the sleeping bag in one quick movement. Being on the side of the zipper, Jacob fell out and landed on his back. His eyes opened abruptly, no doubt jarred awake by the cold floor of the tent.

I couldn't care less.

"Hey," he exclaimed. To my disbelief, he rolled onto Bella, nearly crushing her with his weight. Her gasp clouded my vision in a haze of red.

Grasping his shoulder, I flung him away from her. I watched him hit the tent pole honestly not caring if he broke any bones. No one, _no one_ treated Bella that way.

An angry growl escaped him as he fell onto his feet, quivering. My instincts immediately took over and I sank into a hunting crouch in front of my possession. Snarls were ripping through my mouth as I assessed the creature in front of me. I knew he wanted what belonged to me and I was prepared to fight, to tear the disgusting beast into pieces for even entertaining the thought.

Preparing to spring and sink my teeth into the creature's neck, I let another ferocious roar sound through my lips. As I was about to leap, I sensed movement behind me and a figure pushed its way in between my enemy and myself.

"Stop it," the figure cried.

Thatvoice…

Bella!

"Stop it!" I heard her yell in absolute distress.

Feeling a soft pressure on my chest, I looked down and saw Bella's hand restraining me with a force I barely felt. But the feel of her warm hand dissipated the red haze and I realized, with sudden horror how close she had been to being in danger. Seeing the mongrel's quivering form, I placed my hands around her waist to yank her out of the way. He was close enough that she could place her other arm on his chest.

"Stop it now," she commanded me. I stared. Surely she could see the danger of being near a wolf who was on the verge of phasing?

But I could see him calming down. I hated that her touch seemed to have the same effect it had on me.

_It's Bella… You are __not_ _going to phase near Bella… Not to hurt Bella. _I could hear him chanting the same phrases like a mantra in his head.

Seth was voicing his worry and frustration from outside in spurts of growls.

"Jacob?" Bella asked, after a few moments. "Are you hurt?"

"Of course not!" he hissed. _Damn leech! He nearly made me phase and Bella would have….! Ugh! What the __hell__ is he playing at???_

I narrowed my eyes. Was he trying to blame his lack of control on me? What was _I _playing at? I could feel the haze starting to cloud around my vision again.

I saw Bella look at me and say, "That wasn't nice. You should say sorry."

Sorry??? I looked at her incredulously. Surely she didn't mean it? He was smothering her!

"You must be joking," I told her. "He was crushing you!" Why was she defending him? The thought stung.

"Because you dumped him on the floor!" she said, indignantly. "He didn't do it on purpose, and he didn't hurt me."

I groaned as the dog's smug mental voice reverberated in my mind. Of course Bella was right. I just wasn't feeling at all gentlemanly to observe common etiquette.

"My apologies, dog," I said, stiffly, not really meaning a word of it.

"No harm done," he said, a slight mockery in his tone. _It would take a lot more than __that __to get to me. Want to try leech?_

I would _not_ let him provoke me. Instead I focused on Bella who was starting to slightly shiver despite the absence of yesterday's chill.

"Here," I said, picking the parka off the floor and wrapping it around shoulders.

"That's Jacob's" she protested.

I bit back a rude retort and said, "Jacob has a fur coat." Perhaps he could phase and leave us alone.

"I'll just use the sleeping bag again, if you don't mind," the mutt said, ignoring my pointed hint and slipping inside the sleeping bag. "I wasn't quite ready to wake up. That wasn't the best night's sleep I had."

"It was your idea," I countered. He was deranged if he couldn't appreciate how precious it was to be able to sleep next her. To not run the risk of freezing her to death and sink into blissful oblivion with her by his side…

"I didn't say it wasn't the best night I've ever spent," the dog said, settling down in the sleeping bag again. "Just that I didn't get a lot of sleep. I thought Bella was never going to shut up."

I bristled at his tone at something that meant so much to me. Foolish mutt, to not see the value in what she had unknowingly shared…

I saw Bella wince out of the corner of my eye. Obviously she was wondering what she said in her sleep. I wasn't so sure I wanted her to know she had said _his_ name as well.

_My __Jacob she said, leech... __My__ Jacob…_

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," I murmured, suppressing the momentary stab of pain.

His eyes snapped open. "Didn't you have a nice night, then?" he asked, smugness literally rolling off him. _I wonder why…_

I would _not_ let him get to me.

"It wasn't the worst night of my life." I said, coolly. It was true. There had been darker times, much darker. Having to watch a dog drool over her was infinitely better than…certain other scenarios.

"Did it make the top ten?" he asked, eagerly.

"Possibly," I said.

He smiled and settled down again.

Conjuring the memory of her body wrapped around mine as the moonlight glittered off the ring she wore on her left hand, I said softly, closing my eyes, "But if I had been able to take your place last night, it would not have made the top ten of the _best_ nights in my life."

Opening my eyes, I locked gazes with him. Bella Swan was _my _fiancée. He would know it very, very soon and drop this ridiculous claim he had on her. "Dream about that!"

I felt the tenor of pain in his thoughts with vindictive pleasure. I was beyond being compassionate. Esme would be ashamed but I was long past bothering.

"You know what? I think it's too crowded here," _Need to get out of here… Bella with him… No…_

"I couldn't agree more," I answered.

I felt Bella elbow me in the ribs. Silly girl… She probably bruised herself.

"Guess I'll catch up on my sleep later, then," the dog said, making a face. _I __need __a clear head today. Oh well, probably should go talk to Sam. _"I need to talk to Sam anyway."

Rolling onto his knees, he yanked the tent door open.

I felt Bella's heart quicken and looked at her. Her face was a picture of distress. Even though her mind was silent, I had a good guess what was causing those beautiful features to crumple.

"Jake, wait –" she choked out, taking her hand out of mine and sliding down his. I pushed back the irritable stabs of pain that seeing her hand on his arm caused me.

He pulled his hand away before hers could slip into his. As much as I rejoiced to see him not touch her, it irked me to see him snub her. And the tortured look on Bella's face was almost too much to bear.

_Don't __do__ this, Bella… _I heard him think.

"Please, Jake. Won't you stay?" she pleaded.

I knew my assurances that he would be safe, that we would _all _be safe would fall on deaf ears. This was Bella, constantly worried and passionately afraid for the ones she held dear. And that was one of the many reasons I loved her. I adored her large heart that had enough love to give to all including a cursed creature like me.

"No," he answered her stiffly. _God, I love you…_

Her face recoiled and he softened his expression slightly. I almost pitied him. Loving someone you could never have was unbearable. I knew…

_Come on, Black. Fix the brave face on…_

"Don't worry about me, Bells. I'll be fine, just like I always am." Forcing a laugh out he said, "'Sides, you think I'm going to let Seth go in my place – have all the fun and steal all the glory? Right." He snorted.

_Would kill you guys to let me join, wouldn't it Jake _Seth grumbled.

"Be careful –" Bella started to say, but he was out of the tent before she could finish her sentence.

"Give it a rest, Bells," he muttered, re-zipping the door.

Silently and smoothly he phased into his wolf form.

_Mornin' Jake!_

_Morning kid_

_You ok?_

_Of course I'm ok! What makes you think I'm not ok???_

_Nothing, nothing, Jeez! Calm down ok?_

Bella leaned against my shoulder and it felt like a missing piece had fallen into place. I relished the feel of her warmth seeping into my body.

She was quiet and I didn't press to start a conversation. Playing with her hair, I let drifts of the wolves' conversation float through my mind.

_Jacob _I heard the gruff voice of the pack's Alpha call, _when do you plan on gracing us with your presence? I need all of you here. _

_Just before they arrive. Did the mind reader tell you when?_

_A little over an hour…_

_Right! I'll join you then._

_Hey Sam, isn't there any chance…?_

_No Seth, you stay put there! _

_Aw please…_

_I said no! We need some method of communication up there as well._

_Fine, fine!_

"How much longer?" Bella asked me softly, some time later.

"Alice told Sam it should be an hour or so," I said, my tone expressionless.

"We stay together," she said, looking at me, her eyes blazing. "No matter what."

"No matter what," I agreed. I could never leave her. But despite knowing my families capabilities, I still worried about them.

"I know," she said, "I'm terrified for them too."

It was amazing how well she could read me. But I wasn't about to acknowledge my fears and worry her further.

"They know how to handle themselves," I said, trying to sound nonchalant. "I just hate missing the fun."

I saw her eyes narrow.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, I said, "Don't worry," and placed a soft, reassuring kiss on her forehead.

"Sure, sure," she said.

"Would you like me to distract you?" I asked softly, running a finger down her beautiful cheek. My lips had missed hers…

She shivered at my touch and for once it wasn't because I was 'dazzling' her. I pulled back, despising what I was. I couldn't even _touch _her.

"Maybe not right now."

"There are other ways you can distract me," she said, smiling up at me.

'What would you like," I asked, not able to resist smiling adoringly back at her.

"You could tell me about your ten best nights," she said. "I'm curious."

"Try to guess," I said, laughing.

She shook her head. "There are too many nights I don't know about. A century of them."

Silly Bella… As if any night I had spent without her could fall into the category of 'best'?

"I'll narrow it down for you," I said, kissing her head softly and breathing in her scent. "All of my best nights have happened since I met you."

"Really?" she asked, locking eyes with me, a look of wonderment on her face.

I was always astounded at how surprised she seemed when I stated that my life had become so much brighter since she joined it.

"Yes, really – and by quite a large margin, too."

She was silent for a moment. I let my gaze rest on her face, slightly puckered as she thought.

"I can only think of mine," she finally said.

"They might be the same," I said, urging her to go on.

"Well, there was the first night. The night you stayed," she said, a slight blush beautifully colouring her cheeks.

"Yes, that's one of mine too. Of course, you were unconscious for my favourite part," I said, reliving the moment where she had confessed she loved me, so innocently and sincerely. Time had stopped and I had wanted to kneel and revere her then and there…

"That's right," she said. "I was talking that night, too."

"Yes."

As I watched her, I saw the blood rush into her face. I was sure she was wondering what she had said in her sleep last night…

"What did I say last night?" she whispered sounding apprehensive.

I shrugged, preferring not to get into this particular topic. I could hear Jacob stop pacing outside the tent and prick up his ears.

She winced. "That bad?"

"Nothing too horrible," I said, sighing. It wasn't so much her mentioning his name that bothered me than her referring to him as _her _Jacob.

"Please tell me," she begged.

_Go on, leech tell her…._

"Mostly you said my name, the same as usually," I said, unable to infuse my voice with the same enthusiasm as usual.

"That's not bad," she said, cautiously.

"Near the end though, you started mumbling some nonsense about 'Jacob, my Jacob." I couldn't believe how much it hurt to just say it. "Your Jacob enjoyed _that_ quite a lot," I said, trying hard to keep the resentment in my voice to a minimum.

_Hell, yeah I did…_

I fixed my gaze on a random point on the roof of the tent. Why, _why_ did I let this bother me so much? I knew Bella was _mine_, engaged to _me_, belonged to _me_…

I felt her twist around in my arms and press her lips softly to my jaw.

"Sorry," she murmured and I immediately felt bad for acting like a petulant child. "That's just the way I differentiate."

"Differentiate?"

_Huh?_ I heard the dog echo my confusion.

"Between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Between the Jacob I like and the one who annoys the hell out of me," she explained patiently.

_Hmph!_

I bit back a laugh. So much for the dog's superior complex. Feeling we had lingered on the subject long enough, I said, "Tell me another night."

"Flying home from Italy?" she said, without second thought.

I frowned. I would have thought that would have been among the few of her _least _favourite nights.

"Is that not one of yours?" she asked, noticing my expression.

"No, it _is _one of mine, actually, but I'm surprised it's on your list. Weren't you under the ludicrous impression I was acting from a guilty conscience and I was going to bolt as soon as the plane doors opened?" I said, remembering with difficulty how she had not spoken a word but clung to my arm as if it were a life line.

"Yes. But you were there," she said, simply.

Once again, the extent of her love for me caught my breath. Even at the time when she had no idea how I felt for her, when she was still under the impression that I _didn't_ love her, not only had she come running to Italy to save me without a moment's thought about her safety or if she owed it to me, she still appreciated the moment simply because I was there. My beautiful, forgiving Bella…

I kissed her hair and restated the fact that had me in awe of her, "You love me more than I deserve."

She laughed. "Next would be the night after Italy," she went on.

"Yes," I agreed. "That's on the list. You were so funny."

"Funny?"

"I had no idea dreams were so vivid. It took me forever to convince you that you were awake." Though I kept my voice light it was far from what I had felt that night. My dead heart still ached when I thought of the extent to which I had hurt her for her to seriously believe I was not real, that there was no earthly possibility I was there in front of her. I had felt unworthy to even beg for her forgiveness, yet needed it so desperately. I had felt almost insane with the want to hold her, touch her and love her again. Her immediate acceptance of me even after I deserved _none_ of it was what made it one of my best and most potent memories.

"I'm still not sure," she muttered. "You've always seemed more like a dream that reality. Tell me one of yours now," she said, without letting me comment. "Did I guess first place?"

"No – that would be two nights ago, when you finally agreed to marry me."

I head Jacob freeze in his tracks. _What?????_

Bella made a face.

"That doesn't make your list?

She was silent.

_No, no, no. no, no…._

"Yes, it does," she said slowly. "But with reservations. I don't understand why it's so important to you. You already had me forever."

Oh Bella… How could she see what it was like to walk the earth for a century, incomplete, yet never knowing why it was that you felt misplaced or what could remedy it? How could she appreciate the purity and sanctity of a marriage union and what it meant in our cursed half-life? That she was agreeing to let me be a part of this was a very sacred gift only she could give me.

"A hundred years from now, when you've gained enough perspective to really appreciate the answer, I will explain it to you."

_Need to leave. Now. Oh God! No! Can't stay here anymore…_

"I'll remind you to explain – in a hundred years," she said, grinning up at me.

_Jake, you okay man? Get it together would you? There's not much time left._

_Have to get away… Marriage! What? Why, Bella, why?_

"Are you warm enough?" I asked her.

"I'm fine," she said. "Why?"

_Why Bella why? You were supposed to just get over him…you were supposed to realize __I__ was the one for you… You were supposed to say 'yes' to __me,__ dammit! Oh God!!!!! NO!!!!_

A howl ripped through the air and I winced slightly at the onslaught of pain in Jacob's mind further amplified in the whole wolf psyche. It was underhand, what I had done, but he needed to know, I told myself. He would have had to know at some point. Bella was _mine!_

"Because your space heater has reached his limit," I answered her question quietly, watching the realization dawn on her face. "Truce over," I muttered under my breath.

"Jacob was listening," Bella said, in a horrified whisper.

"Yes," I said, expressionlessly.

"You knew." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

She stared into space, her eyes tormented.

"I never promised to fight fair. And he deserved to know," I said, knowing perfectly well those were not excuses.

Her head dropped into her hands.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked, softly. The ache was back. Did he matter _so _much…?

"Not you," she whispered. "I'm horrified at _me._"

"Don't torment yourself," I pleaded. I didn't want her to blame herself when it was I who had manipulated the conversation.

"Yes," she agreed, sarcastically. "I should save my energy to torment Jacob some more. I wouldn't want to leave any part of him unharmed."

"He knew what he was doing." I said, through clenched teeth.

"Do you thing that matters?" Tears were shining in her eyes, her voice shook and I felt instant remorse at causing her such pain. I was a cad. "Do you think I care whether it's fair or not whether he was adequately warned? I'm _hurting _him. Every time I turn around, I'm hurting him again. I'm a hideous person," she said.

"No you're not," I said, wrapping her in my arms. _I _was the hideous person who loved an angel.

"I am! What is wrong with me?" She struggled against my hold and it felt like a slap in the face. I let them drop. "I have to go find him."

"Bella, he's already miles away, and it's cold."

"I don't care. I can't just _sit _here." She sounded hysterical and shrugged off the dog's coat. Shoving her feet into her boots she crawled to the tent door. "I have to – I have to…" her voice trailed off as she opened the door and stepped outside.

What had I done? I only wanted him to know she belonged to me, to make him stop trying to take her away from me and all I had succeeded in achieving was hurting Bella. Again. What right did I have to stake a claim to her heart when I hurt her over and over again like this?

I followed her outside and caught her wrist as she stumbled around.

"You can't go after him. No today. It's almost time. And getting yourself lost wouldn't help anyone regardless."

She pulled against my hold on her.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said softly. Would I do nothing but apologize to her? "I'm sorry I did that."

"You didn't do anything. It's all my fault". _Oh, my faultless angel, why must you blame yourself when it is I who is to be blamed. For everything…_ "I could have… When he… I shouldn't have… I… I…" she broke of sobbing and my dead heart ached.

"Bella, Bella," I said, gathering her into my arms.

"I should have – told him – I should – have said –" she sobbed against my shirt. "He shouldn't have – found out like this."

"Do you want me to see if I can bring him back, so that you can talk to him? There's still a little time," I murmured. _Say no, __please__ say no,_ I begged in my mind. _Don't leave me for him… _

She nodded into my chest, not raising her eyes.

"Stay by the tent, I'll be back soon."

And I sped from her side. I didn't deserve to be there.

What had I done? I asked myself again. This was it, I could feel it. This was the moment that Bella would realize how she felt about him, the moment when she would fully comprehend what he could give her. Would I lose her? The thought made me stop.

No, surely no…

And yet, why would she want to stay with me? Why would she, when he could give her so much more? When he was a man and I was a monster, a soulless, cursed, monster.

A sob threatened to burst out of me. Would I touch her again? Hold her? Kiss her? I _needed _her to exist. She had saved me, she gave me purpose to live, to try and be a better person for her. I couldn't…I _wouldn't_ survive without her.

My resolution to let her go if that was what she wanted suddenly didn't seem possible now that the time was nigh. She was my…everything. I existed for her, _because _of her.

_Oh God Bella! Do you still want me? _I thought. _Because __I__ need __you__. I can't go on without you… Please, please love me still. He can give you so much, but he cannot love you the way I do. I need you Bella, I need you…_

How could she not see what her affection for him did to me? She worried about the hurt she caused him. _But what about me, Bella? _Every loving word, every endearment directed at him stabbed at my heart over and over again. _Am I not your everything, like you are mine?_

I leaned against a tree and covered my face with my hands, the agony ripping through me in waves. I never mentioned it but I _hated_ the extent she cared for him. I despised and loathed it. Because I wanted it all. I wanted all her love, her devotion and her adoration. It hurt to see it given to another. Another who loved her…

But I had no one to blame but myself for losing the one precious thing I had been blessed with. I had walked away from her, leaving her to seek comfort in him. And now I had pushed her into realizing what I had been trying to prevent her from apprehending. I had fallen into my own proverbial pit.

I didn't deserve her. I _never _deserved her. And now I was being punished for daring to love someone so whole and so pure.

I walked deeper into the forest to pay my penance, to search for the man who loved my world and take him to lead her away from me…

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**A/N: **Please remember to review!!!!!


	13. Am I Still Yours?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! The dialogues and extracts between Bella, Edward and Jacob are from Chapter 23 and 24 in Eclipse.

**Author's Note:** It's been nearly a year since I last updated! I profusely apologize to all my readers for taking so long! I just finished my freshman year at college and while it was amazing I had no time to write anything besides papers and assignments. This chapter was also a tough one for me to think through from Edward's perspective. I could never quite understand how calm he was about this scenario. Anyway I hope I've done it justice and would love feedback and comments. Please don't be mad at me! I love you all!

I hope you all enjoyed Eclipse. Unfortunately I won't be able to see it until I get back to the States in another month and a half. I'm back home for the summer and it's not playing here.

Much thanks to all who reviewed the previous chapter. I also need to mention Subtlynice whose Chapter 58 in "One Hundred" helped a lot in making some headway in my thought process about this chapter. Go read her stuff! It's amazing!

Enjoy!

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He had run a long way from the tent. I didn't blame him; it's the same thing I would have done. In fact a part of me wanted to run away, far away this very moment.

I cautiously approached him; Jacob Black, my rival, my adversary and yet my better in so many ways. He had phased into his human form.

_Come to gloat bloodsucker?_ His thoughts snapped at me.

I sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Jacob, I –"

"What the hell do you _want_, leech?" he growled at me, whirling around to face me. I could see tear tracks on his face as he spat out at me. "What the hell could you possibly want from me _now_? You took her, you hurt her, you took her again and now you're planning to _kill_ her! There is nothing left for me to fight for!" he yelled, voice breaking on the last word.

_Dead! Dead! Dead!_ his mind screamed at me.

I winced. We were, after all, of the same mind.

You can do this, I told myself. For Bella... And slowly I slipped on the mask that would conceal how it ripped me to do this. The same mask that I had used when I left Bella. The irony didn't go unnoticed. Instead of me abandoning her, she would probably leave me... I deserved it. Even I couldn't deny that. My egregious mistake last fall was going to cost me. And I deserved it.

"Bella wishes to speak with you," I told him, my voice emotionless. I suddenly felt weary. So, so weary...

"She does, does she?" he said, through clenched teeth. "Why? Does she want to gush about her wedding plans? Well you can tell her thanks but no thanks!"

"On the contrary, she wants to apologize." Which she didn't even need to do. I was the one who chose to let him know. As always my plan to stake my claim on Bella had horribly backfired. Ignoring his scoff of disbelief I continued. "She feels terrible about how you got to know."

"That's _not_ the point!" he yelled. Swearing, he ran his hands through his hair. "The point is that this is wrong! You and her... It's not _right_ dammit!"

Did he think I did not know that?

"Jacob, we already discussed this. And I repeat, I will not make the same mistake twice. I will not leave her side unless she wishes it," I said firmly. On this I would not waver. If Bella wanted me gone, she would have to tell me. Under no circumstance would I be foolish enough to ever assume her feelings for her.

"Then leave me alone leech," he said, suddenly turning around to face away from me, sounding as weary as I felt. His thoughts were an incoherent tangle of agony.

Unexpectedly I felt a rush of sympathy for this boy who had unflinchingly dedicated himself to one person only to be rebuffed again and again. For the first time I was able to see the situation objectively. While I always grudgingly understood the connection forged between them from Bella's side, I had never bothered to consider it from Jacob's perspective. Underneath the bravado and the cocky attitude he projected, was a warm, hurt, _human_ heart.

How could I do right by them both and still keep my promise to Bella? It was a hard line to walk but I had to try. I had to give them a chance. If the world were not full of supernatural beings, Bella and Jacob would be perfect soulmates. Their bond was one I did not, could not fully understand. Had I been fortunate enough to survive the flu that killed my parents and would have killed me if not for Carlisle's intervention and had Bella been alive at that time, then perhaps our story would have been plausible. Had I not admitted to myself a thousand times that I was attempting what was never meant to be by falling in love with her? Hadn't countless incidents, fatal to Bella, happened since then to prove it?

But my assumption that I was a danger to her nearly killed us both. If there was one thing I had learned from my asinine mistake was that neither of us could live without the other. She loved me as much as I loved her... Where, then, did that leave me?

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. What was I to do? I answered that the minute the thought entered my mind. Of course I would do what Bella wanted. I would bring Jacob back to her. I knew, as sure as if I had Alice's gift for telling the future that Bella would finally understand what he could give her. What the consequences of choosing me would be.

Of course I would never grudge her that choice. And as I stared at the boy, the young man whose back was shaking with poorly concealed sobs, I realized I couldn't grudge _him_ that choice either. There was only so much I could do... I could only hope and have faith that I hadn't sinned as much to lose Bella now. How I would survive without her was beyond my realm of comprehension.

"Jacob, please," I said softly, "She begged me to find you."

He stiffened, still refusing to cooperate.

"Please... for her," I said, my voice barely a whisper, knowing what he would not be able to refuse. It was the same thing I could not.

We were more alike than either of us cared to admit.

Jacob froze for a fraction of a second before he faced me again. His face too, was now an impassive mask.

"Lead the way, leech," he said in a dead voice.

_What does she possibly want to say to me now? Can't she just leave me alone now? I can't do this all the time. I know, I said I wouldn't give up but what's the point now? I can't deal with someone suicidal. Dammit Bella! I tried, so hard with everything and you never even considered... Why do you want me __**now**__? Why am I not good enough for you? _

I had to tune him out if not for the sake of my own sanity. His questions were my questions though I painfully knew the answer to them. It ached my dead heart to consider the horrendous possibilities that awaited me.

Our trek back to the camping spot was a silent one, each of us wrapped in our own nightmares. We were nearing Bella and Seth when I made sure my mask of indifference was in place. I would _not_ let her see how much this was affecting me. She had every right to be with him if that was what she wanted.

_What in the name of... _ _Oh it's you..._

"It's just us, Seth," Jacob called to his young friend as we approached where I had left Bella... where I could lose Bella...

I could see her standing awkwardly near the tent, wringing her fingers with each other, an expression of unreadable fear on her beautiful face. For once, I was glad I could not read her thoughts. I did not think I would be able to handle them today.

Before I could speak to her, Seth came up to me.

_Edward! Sam has a message for you! Well, it's actually from your sister, the one who can see the future. She asked Sam to tell me to tell you... She said the Vol- Vol- whatever their names are, will be coming later on as well. She said she thinks it should be after the fight from what she can see, or not see in this case. _

I bit back a scowl. How nice of them to finally check on the situation.

"Yes, that's all we need," I muttered to myself. "I suppose we shouldn't be surprised. But the timing is going to be very close. Please have Sam ask Alice to nail the schedule down better," I told Seth.

_Sure thing!_

I looked back at Bella who had been worriedly listening to Seth's and my exchange. Jacob had turned away from her, facing the way we came.

"Bella," I murmured when I moved to her side. Her heartbreakingly beautiful face snapped back to mine, intently searching. I wanted to wipe away the look of sadness on her face and keep her close in my embrace. I hated seeing her sorrow.

But now was not the time...

"There a bit of a complication," I said, careful to keep my voice neutral. I did not want her to sense my worry at the Volturi's unannounced visit. She already had enough emotional upheaval to deal with. "I'm going to take Seth a little ways away and try to straighten it out. I won't go far, but I won't listen either. I know you don't want an audience, no matter which way you decide to go."

It was so difficult to speak about her possibly leaving me for Jacob with calm acceptance. The pain flared in my chest and I suppressed it with difficulty. This was not the time for her to see my pain. She would never see that.

Her chocolate eyes bored into mine.

"Hurry back," she whispered.

I didn't answer. If that was what she wanted I would be back by her side in less than a second. I touched my lips to hers lightly, afraid I would not be able to tear myself away if I let it be any deeper and vanished from her side for the second time.

Seth followed closely at my side. His thoughts were quiet, for which I was thankful for. The young wolf seemed amazingly perceptive for his age and I appreciated him allowing me this moment.

I inhaled deeply. There was no time to dwell on the scene I had left behind. I had vowed that I would be responsible for keeping Bella safe whether I was in her life or not and that was what I would do.

"Did Alice say anything more, Seth?" I asked, turning around to face him.

He shook his head.

_What are the Vol- Vol-_

"The Volturi are like our government. They make sure we keep the laws and punish those who don't," I said, flatly, remembering giving Bella this same description just under a year ago.

_Oh right..._

I saw his thoughts wander to a vague memory of Jacob's when Bella had told him about her sudden flight to Italy and had briefly described the Volturi.

_So won't they take care of this new army?_

"Technically they should. Whether they will, I wonder," I said. I had always been sceptical of the Italian clan and more so after the last time I met them. The brothers', especially Aro's thirst for power was unsettling and dangerous.

_Seth! _ I heard the Alpha's brisk tone through Seth's mind. _Tell Edward that she says it seems to be about half an hour after the fight. So about two hours from now. It's the best she can do. _

_I guess you heard that _ Seth said, looking at me.

"Yes, thank you Seth," I said quietly.

The Volturi's timing was... interesting. I knew they could intervene before the army attacked us if they wanted to. For all I knew, they were already aware of their plans. This reinforced in my mind a theory I had brought up earlier. That they were half hoping for the destruction of the Cullen clan. I wouldn't know for sure until I saw what Alice had seen, but I was sure that it was either Jane or Alec accompanied by Felix or Demetri or both. I was almost certain it would be Jane, sadistic as she was, who would agree to witness our demise.

_Um... I don't mean interfere..._ Seth's voice broke into my reverie. _Is everything ok with you guys?_

I didn't need him to clarify who he meant.

"It's f..." I couldn't quite manage to say the whole word out loud. The situation was so far from fine that it seemed absurd to pretend it was. "It's complicated..." I said softly, looking at the ground and leaning against a tree.

_I'm sorry..._he said, the genuine concern obvious in his tone. I was touched. I was rapidly growing quite fond of the young Quileute.

_Jake just can be really rash sometimes, you know. He's pretty impulsive and you know, he doesn't quite think before he does something, or... or says something. Sam's always having to yell at him for shooting his mouth off or something... You know sometimes he doesn't really mean half the things he says – _

"You don't have to explain, Seth," I said, cutting him off mid sentence. "I understand...

_You do?_

"I do." I didn't like it but that was no one's fault but mine.

_Wow... Man, you're just... well, wow!_

I acknowledged him with a nod. I was rapidly losing the ability to concentrate on anything other than what was possibly happening in the clearing.

_Seth! Where the hell is Jacob? I need him here __**now!**_ Sam's irritated voice floated through Seth's mind.

_He uh... _Try as he might, Seth failed to keep the last image of Jacob standing near Bella away from his mind. He cringed, as Sam's furious voice reverberated through his head.

_Oh for God's sake! I don't care what is on his mind or what he's doing. Drag him away with your teeth if you have to and have him phase and join us here pronto!_

At that moment a whoop, unmistakable in its tone of jubilation and joy sounded from the direction we had come from. Even if I was not a creature with perfect recall, the voice of Jacob Black was instantly recognizable. My chest tightened with an unnamed fear. There could be only one reason for that kind of elation...

_Well... I think he's on his way Sam..._

_Good. Things will be starting soon. You take care up there Seth..._

_I will. Wish I was with you guys._

_Stay there!_

_Ok, ok...Hey Edward you coming?_

A part of me wanted to run as fast as I could to where Bella was but another part of me didn't want to move. What would I find? Would she still be there waiting for me? I hoped Jacob hadn't persuaded her to do something reckless. But no... He was as concerned for her safety as I was.

What would I find when I went back to that clearing? The woman I loved beyond all rational thought still waiting for me? Or would I find that she had finally realized all I couldn't give her?

I prayed for strength as I began to walk behind Seth. He mercifully kept his thoughts to himself, allowing me privacy.

One thing was certain. No matter what Bella had decided, my path was clear. I would protect her always. If she no longer wanted to see me then I would do it invisible to her. Unfortunately I couldn't rip Victoria's head myself but I would fulfill my duty and look after her until the threat was over and then for the rest of her life. If she wanted me out of her life then she would have that wish.

The clearing came into view. Bella was nowhere to be seen but I could smell her inside the tent. I entered cautiously while Seth took his place outside. Bella was lying facedown on the sleeping bag. That was odd. It did not make sense with any of the scenarios I had been tormenting myself with. Had he hurt her? I saw red for a moment.

Kneeling beside her I ran my hand through her silky tresses.

"Are you all right?" I asked her anxiously. I didn't want to rush her or claim to have a right to ask anything. I didn't know if I was yet hers...

"No, I want to die," she said, her voice sounding muffled.

What an absurd statement. It went against everything I vowed to do...

"That will never happen. I won't allow it," I declared firmly.

She groaned. "You might change your mind about that," she said, in a whisper so low, I wouldn't have heard it without my heightened hearing.

Bracing myself, I asked, "Where's Jacob?"

"He went to fight," she mumbled.

Which means he would have phased by now. Which means Seth would know everything...

_Jacob declaring he would sacrifice himself... "I've made this much harder for you than I needed to"... Bella's horror... "Jake, no. Please no"...Promising to do whatever he wished...promising to ask whatever he wished... "Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back..."_

A surge of pain lashed through me. So that was what she had chosen...

The mental onslaught continued.

_Jacob's lips touching Bella's. Bella remaining passive. Jacob winding her arms around his neck. _

My fists clenched. She was mine... Those arms belonged around my neck, those fingers in my hair...

"_You can do better than this, Bella... Just let yourself feel what you feel..." Bella's lips responding to his, shaping themselves around his, her body bowing towards his, she pulling him towards her, their passionate kiss going on and on and on..._

_Jacob finally breaking away from her... "I have to leave,"... Jacob kissing her again, this time softly, his fingers caressing the same cheeks I had caressed on my bed, only a day ago..._

_Bella loves me, Bella loves me, Bella loves me, Bella loves me, Bella loves me, Bella loves me, Bella. Loves. Me! I didn't even need to force her to kiss me. She __**asked**__ me! Not that I wouldn't have no matter what that leech said! Oh yeah! She really believed I would kill myself... Please! I'll save the suicidal theatrics to __**him!**_

"Oh," I said... He was going to kiss her anyway was he?

_Jacob! Head in the game!_

_Jake! Cut that out would you!_

_Ew!_

_Right! Sorry guys..._

I chuckled. The pack was not going to be pleased with Jacob's inner monologue for too long. I glanced at Bella again. The little bit of her cheek I could see was turning red. Her behaviour now meant only one thing... She was afraid of my reaction. As if I could ever be angry at her?

"And I thought _I_ fought dirty," I said, a little admiringly. All right, Jacob, you won this round... "He makes me look like the patron saint of ethics." I brushed her cheek, wishing she would look at me. "I'm not mad at you, love. Jacob's more cunning than I gave him credit for. I do wish you hadn't asked him though." There was absolutely nothing that could make me divulge exactly how much it hurt to see her lips on another man's mouth. She was not at fault.

Bella squirmed on the sleeping bag. "Edward, I...I...I'm," she stammered.

"Shh..." I said, cutting off what I knew was an apology. She did not need to say it. "That's not what I meant. It's just that he would have kissed you anyway – even if you hadn't fallen for it – and now I don't have an excuse to break his face. O would have really enjoyed that, too."

"Fallen for it?" she said, sounding puzzled. Oh my, sweet, naive, Bella!

"Bella, did you really believe he was that noble? That he would go out in a flame of glory just to clear the way for me?"

She slowly raised her head and finally met my gaze. Her eyes were full of confusion. She was so honest and open there was no way she would even consider that he tricked her. Bella's kind heart had no comprehension for that. In that moment I, impossibly, fell more in love with her.

"Yes, I did believe that," she said in a monotone, looking away from me again.

I couldn't help but laugh, softly. "You're such a bad liar, you'll believe anyone who has the least bit of skill."

"Why aren't you angry with me?" she asked, in a broken whisper that made my chest ache. Before I could speak she asked again, "Why don't you hate me? Or haven't you heard the whole story yet?"

Hate her? What nonsense...

"I think I got a fairly comprehensive look," I said, lightly. There was no point showing her how I felt about it. It would only make her suffer more. Bella lived to make others happy and I could tell that her supposed 'betrayal' of me was causing her unnecessary pain. "Jacob makes vivid mental pictures. I feel almost as bad for his pack as I do for myself. Poor Seth was getting nauseated."

_Too right, I was!_

"But Sam's making Jacob focus now."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, her face scrunching up in pain. I hated seeing that look on her face.

"You're only human," I whispered, running my fingers through her hair.

"That's the most miserable defence I've ever heard."

How like Bella to make nothing of her humanity... Her capacity to love so much...

"But you _are_ human, Bella. And, as much as I might wish otherwise, so is he... There are holes in your life I can't fill. I understand that."

"But that's not _true_," she said, vehemently. "That's what makes me so horrible. There are no holes."

"You love him," I told her, softly, every atom in my body hating the words that came out of my mouth.

"I love you more," she said.

Suddenly my heart seemed to swell.

"Yes, I know that too," I acknowledged. It was that love that made her confront a sadistic James to protect me, that made her race to Italy without a second thought for her life, though she owed me nothing at that point. But there was no denying that Jacob could give her a life I could not. She may love me more, but I understood if she wished for a life with him.

"But... when I left, Bella, I left you bleeding. Jacob was the one to stitch you back up again. That was bound to leave its mark – on both of you. I'm not sure those kinds of stitches dissolve on their own. I can't blame either of you for something I made necessary. I may gain forgiveness, but that doesn't let me escape the consequences."

"I should have known you'd find some way to blame yourself. Please stop. I can't stand it."

"What would you like me to say?" I asked her.

"I want you to call me every bad name you can think of, in every language you know. I want you to tell me you're disgusted with me and that you're going to leave me so that I can beg and grovel on my knees for you to stay."

I sighed. Leave her? That was not something I could do. My mind failed to grasp the concept.

"I'm sorry. I can't do that."

"At least stop trying to make me feel better. Let me suffer. I deserve it."

She deserved to feel nothing but happiness. I was causing her pain. Again.

"No," I murmured.

_Few more minutes..._I heard Alice through Seth's mind.

Even Bella sensed it.

"It's getting close..." she said.

"Yes, a few more minutes now. Just enough time to say one more thing..."

I had to say this... No matter how much it killed me to do it. I had to offer her this.

"_I_ can be noble Bella. I'm not going to make you choose between us. Just be happy, and you can have whatever part of me you want, or none at all, if that's better. Don't let any debt you feel you owe me influence your decision."

This had to be her honest choice.

She pushed off the floor suddenly, looking at me furiously.

"Dammit, stop that!" she shouted.

I felt my eyes widen in surprise. Did she think I was trying to make her feel better?

"No – you don't understand. I'm not trying to make you feel better, Bella. I really mean it."

"I _know_ you do," she groaned. "What happened to fighting back? Don't start with the noble self-sacrifice now! Fight!" she demanded me.

"How?" I asked her. How was I supposed to fight against someone that could give her so much more than I could? When all I could offer her was a half life and the love of a dead heart?

She scrambled onto my lap and threw her arms around me. The world suddenly felt right again, with her in my arms.

"I don't care that it's cold here. I don't care that I stink like a dog right now. Make me forget how awful I am. Make me forget him. Make me forget my own name. Fight back!"

Was she asking me to...

Before I could complete that thought, she leaned closer and kissed me with all the strength the body could muster.

She did.

Even Jacob's unappealing smell which was all over her, couldn't eclipse her wondrous scent. The scent that was all freesias and strawberries and so completely Bella. Was I blessed enough to not lose her after all?

It was difficult to reign in the urge to kiss her back.

"Careful, love," I said, not wanting her to bruise herself.

"No," she practically growled at me.

Undeniably alluring though this forceful side of hers was, I gently took her face in my hands and pushed it back. "You don't have to prove anything to me," I told her.

"I'm not trying to prove anything. You said I could have any part of you I wanted. I want this part. I want _every_ part," she said earnestly.

She _did_ still want me. Joy threatened to spill out of me. As she wrapped her hands around my neck and strained to reach my face, I couldn't help touch my lips to hers. The current that always ran between us seemed ten times more but I had to keep my head and not let this out of control. I knew Bella had other ideas. As much as I shared them this was not the time...

"Perhaps this isn't the best moment for that," I said, gathering every ounce of calm I had.

"Why not?" she asked, sounding like a sulky child. I smiled.

"Firstly, because it _is_ cold." I reached out behind her for the sleeping bag and draped it around her shoulders.

"Wrong," she said, scowling. "First, because you are bizarrely moral for a vampire."

I chuckled. "All right, I'll give you that." She knew me too well. "The cold is second. And thirdly... well, you do actually stink love," I said apologetically, wrinkling my nose. When I finally made love to her, it would be the scent of pure, unadulterated Bella.

I ignored her sigh and continued.

"Fourthly, we _will _try, Bella. I'll make good on my promise. But I'd much rather try it wasn't in reaction to Jacob Black."

She cringed and burrowed into my shoulder.

"And fifthly..."

"This is a very long list," I heard her mutter.

I laughed. "Yes, bit did you want to listen to the fight or not?"

* * *

**A/N:** Was I evil to leave a cliffy? But you all know what's happening so I don't feel too bad. As always please let me know what you think!


	14. I Will Protect You

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! Most dialogue is from Chapter 24 in Eclipse.

**Author's Note: **So here's the fight scene…. I'm eager to hear what everyone has to say about this as it's quite a departure from the Edward I usually portray. It was fun to get into his mind at this stage. Please let me know what you think.

A word for anyone out there writing this scene. Don't imagine Xavier Samuel when you're writing Riley. It's next to impossible to kill him! =D

Much thanks to my beta, Subtlynice for checking this out for me. I 3 you!

I also posted a new one shot called "Peace" and would love to hear what everyone has to say about it!

Enjoy!

* * *

I locked gazes with the enemy.

My eyes honed in on the two figures making their way towards us. One was a boy, young, perhaps around the same age I was when I was changed. His eyes were a vivid scarlet, frantically jumping from Bella to me and burning with the thirst of her scent as well as the air of danger around us. Instantly I knew this was the creature who had stolen his way into Bella's house.

The other was a more familiar foe. Victoria stood before me, her own eyes feral and dark. I could see that she hadn't fed on purpose, anticipating the thought of indulging herself on Bella once she had killed us both. Her entire posture was radiating with the thought of a triumph that was so near.

All at once her thoughts were bared to me. She no longer cared to hide them; she was that sure of her victory. Her eyes were locked on Bella and I shifted minutely to conceal her thoroughly with my body. Her thoughts were becoming fragmented as the goal she had worked towards for so long was within touching reach to her.

_Avenge_

_Destroy_

_Kill._

With that a furious force took over me with frightening speed. A thousand thoughts were racing through my mind at the speed of light. The instinct to protect, defend what was mine was foremost and made me crouch in front of my mate. A simultaneous and equally powerful urge to rip, ravage and destroy this pathetic excuse for a creature began to simmer in me. How dare she covet what was mine? She had the audacity to even consider that!

She would die.

And with that thought I slipped into a persona that was a lethal combination of hunter and man, predator and lover. I was acutely aware of my surroundings and who I was. I was not lost to the hunt, giving into the beast within that would forget everything except the desire to kill. But I was also hyper alert to the notion that the reason for endless stress, the one who wanted to end what was so innately _mine_ was within reach of destruction. Some god had decided to answer my prayer that _I_ would be the one to shred Victoria into pieces for the heinous attempts on my love's life. She? Touch Bella? Not even over my pile of ashes. My lips curved into a cruel smile that I so rarely used. For once I embraced the predatory side of me with relish. I was not concerned about who would win. That I would decimate her and her puny little sidekick was a given.

This would end here. _Now_.

I concentrated on both their thoughts.

_Hunt... Kill... The girl... _The boy's thoughts were incoherent, his senses in overdrive with Bella's scent.

_What is Riley waiting for? Fool! It's time to __end__ this! She is mine and I will rip her throat out. Go, Riley!_

She jerked her chin towards me, wordlessly instructing him to attack me.

_Him... Mind reader... He will die... Kill him for her... For us..._

I could see the entire newborn army in his mind as he carefully added to their numbers, lying, taming and gathering them for the 'special' task that they had been created for. In his convoluted mind he was obsessed with Victoria, his reverence for her as his creator and the facade she had fabricated as his lover cumulating in an almost manic fixation for her.

"Riley," I breathed, as softly and seductively as I could.

He froze.

"She's lying to you, Riley. Listen to me. She's lying to you just like she lied to the others who are dying now in the clearing. You know that she's lied to them, that she had _you_ lie to them, that neither of you were going to help them. Is it so hard to believe that she's lied to you, too?"

_What? Victoria lie to me? No! She would never...She loves me... But she's been so obsessed with them... these Cullens!_

His thoughts were still all over the place even though he was a year old. I wasn't surprised. Victoria's goal hadn't been to ease him into this life. He was only a pawn in her sick game. I almost felt sorry for him.

Í shifted, to make sure Bella was fully concealed and Riley's attention snapped back to me as he shifted too.

"She doesn't love you Riley," I said, as though I were speaking to a five-year old. "She never has. She loved someone named James, and you're no more than a tool to her."

Victoria's mind exploded in a stream of curses. Her teeth bared and her eyes, still locked on mine, burned with an intense hatred.

_Damn him! You! You took my James... I will __kill__ you! _

_What? What is he saying? James? Who's James? She only spoke of a Laurent..._

Images of their more intimate encounters leaked into his mind, laced with the doubt and reluctance he saw in her eyes, before feeling overtook his uncontrollable senses.

Riley was beginning to crack.

"Riley," I called softly again. "She knows that I will kill you, Riley. She _wants _you to die so that she doesn't have to keep up the pretence anymore. Yes – you've seen that, haven't you? You've read the reluctance in her eyes, suspected a false note in her promises. You were right. She's never wanted you. Every kiss, every touch was a lie."

I was filled with disgust for her. How could she pollute a feeling as pure as love with her falseness? Now that I could understand myself what unconditional love meant, her depravity hit me with a greater force.

I took a miniscule step towards him, my senses screaming not to move from Bella's side. But I knew my strategy had to be to provoke them, to goad them before I reduced them to nothing. Riley repositioned himself and I took note of the way his movements were slower, my words penetrating into his mind.

Victoria's gaze was zeroed in on the widening space between Bella and myself. I knew she would look for the first opportunity to attack. But I was also aware of her ability to sense a lost cause. I had to tread carefully. I didn't want her to run. I wanted to end her with my own hands.

"You don't have to die," I said, addressing Riley again. It didn't have to end for him. I was well aware of the confusion of a newborn, especially one who had been taught nothing but savagery from the time of change. We would all have been the same if not for Carlisle's patient mentoring. I was sceptical of Riley's ability to reform now, but I was willing to try. "There are other ways to live than the way she's shown you. It's not all lies and blood, Riley. You can walk away right now. You don't have to die for the lies."

I took another step forward, trying not to think about the growing distance between Bella and myself. I was walking a fine line now and sent another prayer out to whoever was listening that I was doing the right thing. Victoria mirrored my move, leaning forward as I moved away.

_Live like them? Yellow eyes... Why? I'm not human, I'm better than a human. Not weak, not breakable... I am strong. _

I sighed. I had heard that trend of thought only too often. Most of our kind saw themselves that way.

"Last chance, Riley," I tried again.

_But they are together. They have a group... A family?_ I could see him recall fuzzy memories of his human family, before he looked back at Victoria, conflicted and confused.

"He's the liar, Riley." Victoria finally spoke. I narrowed my eyes at her honey sweet and obviously false baby voice. Though I had paid closer attention to James, I could remember her voice with crystal clear clarity from our previous encounter. It was the voice of a ruthless killer, a jarring contrast to the voice leaving her mouth now. So that was her game.

I watched the confusion empty out of Riley's eyes, as if her false soprano had switched the hold she had on him back on. His face melted back into an emotionless mask as his body sank into a hunting crouch.

_Edward! Should I do it now?_

The voice of young Seth Clearwater jerked my concentration away from the two vampires in front of me. As we both had sensed the intrusion on our little clearing only minutes ago, the young wolf's mind had slipped into overdrive. His mind had conjured up several scenarios of his own as well as that of the listening packs' before settling on one that had seemed feasible to me. I didn't underestimate his ability but could not risk putting him in undue danger. The best strategy seemed to be to hide him from Victoria and Riley until he could catch them off guard. I knew they couldn't smell him as he was standing against the wind.

I nodded infinitesimally at his question, not taking my eyes off our enemies.

Without warning, Seth hurled himself into the clearing, straight onto Riley.

"No!" Victoria cried, her mind processing the unexpected threat. Suddenly her plan of having me distracted while she finished Bella off, was crumbling. The disappointment in her eyes was intense as she glared at Bella with an intense hatred. Not a glance did she spare for her loyal puppet, now being ripped to shreds by Seth.

"No," she said, again as I took a step towards her.

She was now mine. Her own modus operandi was being turned on her and she had no way to reach Bella. I mirrored her every move as she fruitlessly tried to make her way through me towards her goal. I smirked inwardly as her frustration leaked through, when I predicted her steps even before she moved. Oh it was a joy to thwart her!

At the rim of my concentration, I could sense Seth and Riley wrestling. The wolf was holding his own, his massive body tearing at Riley's cold flesh as the vampire roared in frustration.

_Must leave... Must leave... Must leave..._

Victoria's sixth sense had obviously kicked in as she wavered between staying and finishing what she began or fleeing and saving her life.

This was not what I wanted.

"Don't go, Victoria," I said, my voice coaxing. "You'll never get another chance like this."

_Don't listen to him! _She told herself, hissing at me.

"You can always run later," I said, in the same voice. "Plenty of time for that. It's what you do isn't it?" I unleashed every facet of persuasiveness I could muster. My mind was exceptionally clear and I knew exactly how to make her snap. I _wanted _ her to attack because then I would be able to show her, in graphic detail what a pointless, utterly ludicrous attempt it was. For the first time in my life I would take pleasure in this kill. I would savour every moment. The rage that had been bubbling in me for weeks at whoever dared hurt my love, now emanated from me in a storm of icy calm.

"It's why James kept you around. Useful, if you like to play deadly games. A partner with an uncanny instinct for escaping. He shouldn't have left you – he could have used your skills when we caught up to him in Phoenix."

I was being intentionally cruel, provoking her, pushing her buttons so she would make her move. Her strangled thoughts screamed in anger and pain as a snarl ripped from her.

"That's all you ever were to him, though," I said, a hint of condescending pity lacing my tone. "Silly to waste so much energy on someone who had less affection for you than a hunter on his mount. You were never more than a convenience to him. I would know," I said, smiling serenely as I tapped the side of my head.

That did it. She shot towards me and feinted to the side but with no avail. I was before her in less than a second, blocking her move towards Bella.

We continued this dance for a while, she attempting and me blocking when her gaze suddenly flickered to the second fight going on between us. Riley seemed to have gained the upper hand for the moment despite having lost one hand and was backing Seth into the cliff face.

_Ow! Ow! Ow!_

Clearly he had hurt Seth, but it didn't seem to be too serious from what I could discern at the moment.

A new plan was forming in Victoria's mind. At this point she didn't care if it was her or Riley who killed Bella as long as she was dead. If Riley killed Seth and then turned on Bella, she would settle for that. Or if the wolf managed to kill her partner and then finished me that was fine with her too. I smiled inwardly realizing she hadn't grasped that the wolves were working with us.

His wound healing fast, Seth now circled Riley as I circled Victoria. Her eyes bulged as Seth's tail brushed my back and he didn't so much as flinch.

_Why will he not destroy him? I don't understand!_

"No, he won't turn on me," I said calmly, stepping towards her. "You provided us with a common enemy. You allied us."

_Oh how lovely for you! Disgusting animals! _

In her mind I could see her replay images of James chasing another creature, startlingly like the Quileute wolves, but much different. Of course he would track the creature. His sadistic mind would have revelled in the hunt of another challenging prey.

"Look more closely, Victoria," I said, distracting her. "Is he really so much like the monster James tracked across Siberia?"

"Not the same?" she said, obviously against her will, her eyes darting to Seth and then me. Her mind was furiously ticking. She didn't know these new creatures and couldn't create a plan. It would have to be purely instinctual now and her sense that she should run, _now_ was literally screaming in her ear. "Impossible!"

"Nothing is impossible," I said, softly, a deadly double entendre to my words. It was entirely possible, nay definite, that I would rip her to shreds and enjoy doing it. "Except what you want. You'll never touch her."

_Distractions!_

She shook her head, focusing back on her task and began to move. But I was ready for her. What did she hope to gain from this useless game? I could read her every move and I would block her at every turn. She moved, I moved. There was no way she would get to Bella.

She tried every possible way to get around me. She ducked, feinted, made snap decisions but she couldn't foil me. Her thoughts gave her away at every step and I was there to smile in her face while her frustration grew and her thoughts increased in their fury and incoherency.

She was a good fighter; that I had to admit. Whenever I tried to attempt an offensive move, she was ready to block it and then retaliate with her own. Snarls ripped from both of us, hers furious, mine threatening. The hunter in me crowed, knowing that she was about to lose it. We were nothing more than blurs as the tempo of our movements increased.

Behind me Seth was adamantly battling Riley. I could hear growls and snaps of the wolf's as he attacked the relatively inexperienced vampire. I tried not to worry for him as he was not as mature as the rest of the pack, any one of whom would have torn Riley apart by now.

Through Seth's eyes, I could see when finally Riley made the move he had been waiting for. One whack from his hand and Seth was flying into the cliff face. I heard him whimper and wished I could go to his aid, but Victoria and I were still playing our little game of cat and mouse.

I knew I had to make a decisive move. Seth was out of commission and Riley was in a good position to kill him and then Bella would be left a wide open target. I prepared to spring right in Victoria's cruel face.

_Come on sucker! One more step and we'll see who's ripping whose throat out! _

Well done Seth! He was pretending, letting Riley get close enough so he could catch him off guard. I would have to remember to commend him on that move later. Confident of Seth's plan, I returned my gaze fully to Victoria.

Suddenly a sound of a deep breath distracted us both. As I followed her gaze, I saw the one thing that could distract me long enough to get killed.

Bella was standing against the cliff, exactly where I left her, a giant shard of rock poised above the exposed skin of her arm, ready to plunge it there. I knew at once what she was thinking. I had feared this exact thing, knowing what had been floating in her mind since I had heard the Quileute tale of the third wife from Jacob yesterday.

For possibly the first time, I felt a twinge of annoyance at Bella. Must she try and endanger herself like this? It was bad enough that an entire army had been dispatched to destroy her, she was basically inviting them to come and drink her to death.

I let out a sigh of exasperation. I had to move now before she injured herself.

Taking advantage of Victoria's distracted gaze, I grabbed her around the waist and threw her into a large tree. As she flew across the air, I hurtled towards Riley, who was equally distracted and yanked on his arm, dislocating it from his body. At that same moment, Seth moved forward and grabbed Riley.

_I've got it Edward. Go get her!_

Acutely aware of Victoria's movements, I threw Riley's useless arm at her as she sprang into the air. My calculations perfect, it collided with her mid air and she was flung against another tree. I was there staring her in the eye as she fell down and was on her feet.

She was unsure how to proceed, her eyes flickering from Riley, being dragged by Seth, to Bella and to me.

A piercing shriek of agony permeated the clearing as Seth began to tear Riley limb by limb. His tortured cry of "Victoria!" went unacknowledged as she stared at Bella the longing clear on her face and in her mind. Suddenly realizing that she was alone, she began to back away.

_Leave! Leave! Leave!_

_No! Avenge! James!_

"No," I crooned at her. "Stay just a little longer."

Her sense of self preservation getting the better of her, she turned and began to flee.

Oh no, you don't.

She was not escaping me. My speed was too fast to save her and I easily caught up with her.

Catching her around the waist I twisted her so that I could see her, straight in the eye. Bending her back, I leaned towards her ear.

"Never what is mine. _Never_ my Bella," I whispered.

My teeth sank into her neck and tore across her skin separating her head from her body.

I pushed her body away from me in sudden disgust and watched as her head bounced and rolled away.

It was over.

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**A/N:** As always let me know your thoughts and any errors I may have made! Review! =**) **I adore all of you who add me to your favourites and alerts but I'd love you even more if you leave me a line and tell me what you think! Click the button below!**  
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	15. Your Pain, My Pain, His Pain

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! Most dialogue is from Chapter 25 in Eclipse.

**Author's Note:** I didn't intend to post this on it's own but it would have been way too long if I went with my original idea. Hope it has come off ok. At the moment this hasn't been beta'd so please let me if there are any errors of any kind.

Enjoy!

* * *

It was over.

I couldn't believe it but it was over. Months and weeks of stress and fear at losing what we all held precious had finally ended. A weight felt like it was off my shoulder as I stared at the headless body of the creature behind all the mayhem.

For once I was not regretting the taking of another life. For once I was glad it had been me. And for the first time I was able to set myself apart from the merciless being that had been Victoria.

It was over and Bella was safe.

Her erratically beating heart stood out in the silence of the clearing. It was thumping fast, much faster than usual. I could hear the blood rush in her veins as strongly as I could smell it, more potent with the smell of adrenaline.

It was the sweetest torture.

The sting at the back of my throat assured me she was alive. Still breathing. Still unbelievably mine.

I was about to return to her side when I suddenly realized what her racing heart meant. What she had just witnessed. I winced, as it slowly sank in that she had seen a side of me that I had never wanted her to see.

I remembered telling her the first time she came to meet my family that I was constantly waiting for the day she would run, screaming from me. There was no danger of that when all she knew of our more...animalistic nature was what we related to her. What she saw was our human facade.

Would this be what sent her screaming?

I couldn't look at her. I just couldn't. Fear and shame bubbled in my throat as I turned my mind to more immediate matters. Matters that would only solidify my less than human side to the beautiful human girl I loved.

Bending, I picked up the body of Victoria and detachedly began to tear it to pieces. I tried to do it as inhumanly fast as possible so that Bella could not discern my actions, though it was obvious what I was doing.

Focusing on something other than my worry over Bella's reaction I scanned Seth's thoughts on how my family and the pack was faring. It had been as expected. The newborn army had been decimated and all members, Cullens and Quileutes were left unscathed.

Piling the pieces, I covered them with whatever dry pine needles I could find around it.

I could feel Bella's gaze on me, probing, looking, and I was still too afraid to meet her eyes. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment and fear that would inevitably shine through. I loathed ignoring her, but ignore her I did as I followed Seth into the forest.

I found him standing over the pieces of Riley. Evidently he had had the foresight to dismember it.

_I remember Billy saying the only way you could kill a vampire was to tear it to pieces and burn it, right?_ he said, almost apologetically. As if talking of tearing vampires apart and burning them might offend me in some way.

"That's right, Seth. Good job," I told the young wolf.

_It might be easier for me to carry this if I actually had both hands. I'm gonna phase back real quick kay?_

"Seth, if you don't mind, could you stay in your wolf form till we leave this place?" I asked. "I need to know if Alice sees something else." I hadn't forgotten that the Volturi intended to pay us a visit.

_Oh yeah. Sure! No problem..._

"Thank you," I said, quietly.

He struggled to grab two or three of the pieces in his mouth but they kept rolling off.

"Here, you take this," I said, pointing at the biggest piece that was the torso. "After all, it's your kill."

The limbs he was struggling with suddenly dropped out of his mouth as he stared at me.

_I killed one... _his thoughts were laced with disbelief. _I actually killed one. All on my own!_

I stifled a smile.

"You did good Seth," I assured him. "That stunt you pulled on Riley was very quick thinking. Sam and the pack will be proud of you."

_Aw gee thanks Edward. That means a lot coming from you... The way you guys fight... Wow!_

I acknowledged his praise with a nod, liking the young wolf more and more with each passing second. I nudged the torso towards him as I gathered the rest in my hands.

"Let's add this to the pile out there so I can burn it, all right?" I told him.

_Ok._

He obediently followed me and we both dumped the pieces on to the pile I had made outside. Reaching into my pocket, I took the lighter out and set a dry branch on fire before tossing it to the pile of marble flesh.

"Get every piece," I said to Seth.

He dutifully nodded and pushed every piece till it was being consumed by the flames while I did the same. The purple smoke began to billow high over us.

And yet I didn't look at Bella.

By now it was killing me. There was nothing more I wanted to do than take her in my arms, lose myself in her scent and kiss her senseless. But I was too afraid of the horror her eyes would inevitably hold.

I was distracted by a sound that almost sounded like a snicker escaping from Seth's mouth.

_I killed a vampire... I killed a vampire. Ha! Take that Sam!_

This time I couldn't hold the smile back. Before I realized what I was doing, I stretched my hand, curled into a fist, out to him. Seth showed all his teeth in what was unmistakeably a grin and bumped his nose against it.

"Nice teamwork," I murmured.

_You got that right, bro _he thought, chortling.

_Um, Edward... I know vampires never forget... but you do remember that Bella is standing like, right there yeah?_

I couldn't put this off any longer... Aside from the fact that I was behaving ridiculously, I needed to feel her in my arms, tangible and safe. I needed her to feel sane.

Inhaling deeply, I turned around to look at my love.

She was standing in the identical position as she had been while the fight was going on, the damn shard of rock still clutched in her hand. The only things that were moving were her pupils as they raked up and down my own body and her chest as she breathed. Had she gone into shock? I had to be careful not to startle her. There was a high chance she would accidentally injure herself.

I approached her warily.

"Bella, love," I said, softly. I was taking slow steps towards her, half afraid of a hurried, quick movement frightening her more than she already obviously was. I raised my arms in front of me, where she could see them, desperate to convey that I wouldn't hurt her.

First things first. "Bella, can you drop the rock please?" I begged. "Carefully. Don't hurt yourself."

I paused, a few feet away from her. The electricity that always hummed between us was palpable and my fingers itched to touch her, eager to feel her alive and whole after the recent threat.

Her fingers slowly loosened around the sharp rock and finally it fell to the ground. I heaved a sigh of relief. At least one danger was removed. Now if I could only convince her that I would not ever, in any frame of mind, hurt her...

Her eyes had not moved from me.

"You don't have to be afraid, Bella. You're safe. I won't hurt you."

She didn't answer and continued to stare blankly at me.

I began to panic slightly, reaching into my memory about everything I knew about handling shock.

"It's going to be all right, Bella. I know you're frightened now, but it's over. No one is going to hurt you. I won't touch you. I won't hurt you," I said, trying my hardest to reassure her.

She blinked.

"Why do you keep saying that?" Her sweet voice suddenly permeated the air and I gulped it in like a dying man would air.

She took a step towards me, her balance shaky and I immediately retreated.

"What's wrong?" she whispered. "What do you mean?"

"Are you..." _going to run away from me?_ The words died in my throat. What did I _mean_? Wasn't she afraid of me? "Aren't you afraid of me?"

She blinked again.

"Afraid of you?" Her voice sounded as confused as I felt. "_Why?_"

She took another shaky step towards me and tripped. Contrary to what my mind was telling me, I leaned forward to catch her and suddenly the world righted itself. I caught her like I always did, and she was safe in my arms. She buried her head in my chest and suddenly sobs were wracking her slight body. I wrapped my arms around her and soothed her, gently resting my chin on her head.

"Bella, Bella, I'm so sorry. It's over, it's over." I wasn't even sure what I was apologizing for. For frightening her, for who I was, for getting her into this mess...

"I'm fine," she gasped. "I'm okay. I'm just. Freaking out. Give me. A minute."

A minute? I would give her eternity as she had promised to give me. My arms tightened around her as I basked in the knowledge that she was really, truly safe. "I'm so sorry," I murmured into her hair.

Her hands clung to my back as she slowly regained control over her breathing. Raising her eyes to look at me, her hands moved up and down my back. Suddenly her warm lips were everywhere, as she peppered soft kisses on my chest, my neck, my shoulder and everywhere else she could reach. Flames danced at her touch.

"Are you okay?" she demanded, in between kisses. "Did she hurt you at all?"

I relished her concern and finally felt some peace. "I am absolutely fine," I reassured her, burying my face in her soft hair, the familiar scent grounding me in normalcy after the violence.

"Seth?"

I chuckled. "More than fine. Very pleased with himself, in fact."

"The others? Alice? Esme? The wolves?"

"All fine. It's over there too. It went just as smoothly as I promised. We got the worst of it here." I held her closer, thanking whatever deities who would listen that she was safe. I was impatient to get us both out of here where we could just _be_. Where I could just hold her and let her presence calm me. We needed some peace after the chaos.

"Tell me why," she said, breaking me out of my reverie. "Why did you think I would be afraid of you?"

"I'm sorry," I said, remorseful still that I had to put her through such horrific things. Would I ever be able to accomplish anything that didn't deserve an apology? "So sorry. I didn't want you to see that. See _me_ like that. I know I must have terrified you."

She was silent.

I closed my eyes in defeat. She finally realized what a depraved monster I could be. The sad thing was that this was perhaps a fraction of the viciousness I was capable of. My arms tightened around her involuntarily. I would not, _could _not let her go. I opened my mouth to say something, anything to prevent her from running.

"Seriously?" she said. My mouth closed, in confusion. "You...what? Thought you'd scared me off?" She snorted.

_What the-_

I pulled away from her and lifted her chin to lock gazes with her. I searched her chocolate gaze, trying, with no luck, to see into her mind. What was she thinking?

"Bella, I just..." I hesitated, reluctant to give voice to the words forming in my mind. "I just beheaded and dismembered a sentient creature not twenty yards from you. That doesn't _bother_ you?" I asked her incredulously.

I frowned. Here again, was her habit to take what was truly dangerous, so lightly. How could the utter brutality of what took place in front of her eyes not register? How was it that she still could not see the violent side of me?

She shrugged. "Not really. I was only afraid that you and Seth were going to get hurt. I wanted to help, but there's only so much I can do..."

Her voice broke off as she evidently caught sight of my furious face.

"Yes," I said, shortly. "Your little stunt with the rock. You know that you nearly gave me a heart attack? Not the easiest thing to do, that."

For the first time I actually wanted to shake her. Why was it so difficult to for her follow simple instructions and just keep herself safe? Did she not realize what it would do to me if I lost her?

"I wanted to help... Seth was hurt..." she tried to explain.

"Seth was only feigning that he was hurt, Bella. It was a trick. And then you...!" I closed my eyes, the image of her standing there, like a scared but determined angel, with the deadly sharp rock pointing straight at her soft skin. "Seth couldn't see what you were doing, so I had to step in. Seth's a bit disgruntled that he can't claim a single-handed defeat now."

"Seth was...faking?" she asked, disbelievingly.

I nodded, still frowning at her.

"Oh."

_Hell yeah I faked!_

We both looked at Seth. His posture was so self satisfied. I was suddenly transported to the day I made my first kill without any sort of aid from Carlisle.

"Well, I didn't know that," Bella said, defensively. "And it's not easy being the only helpless person around. Just you wait till I'm a vampire! I'm not going to be sitting on the sidelines next time."

I bit back a smirk which would have completely ruined my act of being displeased with her. It was hard to remain angry when my irate kitten unleashed her claws. I half expected her to poke me in the chest.

"Next time?" I asked her. "Did you anticipate another war soon?"

"With my luck? Who knows?"

I rolled my eyes. The momentary exasperation I had with her had completely dissipated and now I was feeling the vampire equivalent of a high. It was over.

"Hold on. Didn't you say something before –?" she faltered for a moment before continuing. "About a complication? And Alice, needing to nail down the schedule for Sam. You said it was going to be close. What was going to be close?"

So she had noticed. I had thought my slightly antsy behaviour would have gone unseen considering the... circumstances. Apparently not. I exchanged a look with Seth.

_You're not gonna tell her?_ He was confused.

"Well?" she asked me impatiently, a hint of worry colouring her words.

"It's nothing, really," I said quickly. "But we need do need to be on our way..."

I made to move her onto my back so I could run to join the rest of family. But Bella stiffened. I cringed. I should have known that an answer as vague as that wouldn't pacify her.

"Define nothing," she demanded.

I cradled her face in my palms. "We only have a minute, so don't panic all right? I told you that you had no reason to be afraid to be afraid. Trust me on that, please?" I begged.

She nodded but I could see the panic flicker in her brown eyes. How could I do this to her? How could I tell her that she would be faced with the creatures who plagued her nights for weeks after we returned from Italy, with the very creatures we were _determined_ to avoid, in mere minutes?

_Wait what?_

A new voice broke into my thoughts as I was about to give Bella an explanation. My attention switched to Seth, seeing a lithe, grey wolf in his mind suddenly go rigid and sniff the air.

Leah.

_Oh no you don't!_

"What's she doing?" I asked Seth.

He whined. _I don't know! Leah! What are you doing? What do you smell?_

And then the images exploded in my mind as if they were in slow motion. In horror I watched as Leah spotted a lone newborn and bounded after him, determined to prove her worth in the pack. The vampire was ready for her and grabbed her muzzle as she pounced on him. He was on the verge of forcing her jaw open to the breaking point when –

_Leah NO!_

Jacob ran full speed into the newborn, sensing Leah's deadly predicament. His powerful body knocked the vampire away and stood there growling at him.

_Get __away_ _from here Leah!_

But his momentary aside to Leah cost him. I watched in tortured helplessness as the enraged newborn used Jacob's momentary distraction to grab him from behind.

"No," I said, unaware I was actually voicing the words. My hand flew in front of me reflexively, - "Don't!" – uselessly as Jacob gave a howl of mind shattering pain.

_Jake! _Seth's agonized howl joined that of Jacob's and suddenly the entire pack's horrified panic was reverberating in my head. It was torture and I felt myself fall to my knees at the weight of the pain. Dimly I heard Bella's frightened voice calling my name and I focused on her voice to keep me from slipping into a void.

The images were still coming. The rest of the pack ran to their wounded brother's aid and quickly put an end to the newborn. The gathered around him, helplessly watching as his form, human now, twitched and convulsed in agony. I struggled to remember that the wolves healed fast. He was alive, that was what was important.

"It's okay. We're going to be fine," I said, not sure who I was trying to convince. " It's – " I broke off, wincing as Jacob gave another cry.

"What's happening?" Bella's frantic voice broke through the haze of pain I could feel.

"We're fine. We're going to be okay," I gasped. This must be what it was like to feel like I couldn't breathe. "Sam – help him –"

I could see Carlisle rush towards the pack as suddenly the images died out. They must have phased. I suddenly noticed Bella's teetering body and I caught her as she fell, lifeless into my arms. Standing up, I pulled her close, carrying her.

_Damn they phased! Have to get there NOW!_

"Seth!" I shouted.

I had to stop him. There was no point him joining the rest of the pack as they would leave to La Push soon. Of that I was certain. They couldn't be there while the Volturi came.

_Edward! I have to go down there. They need me! I don't know what's going on now! I can't hear them!_

"No!' I ordered. "You go _straight home._ Now. As fast as you can!"

_No, no, no!_

"Seth," I said, my voice gentler but firm. "Trust me."

He turned around and stared into my eyes for a long moment. My heart went out to the wolf, the baby of the pack. It wasn't right that he should have to see such things at his age.

_All right._ he said, defeated. _Someone has to tell Billy._

And he was gone.

In the next second I had Bella cradled to my chest as we too, sped through forest to join our family.

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**A/N:** Please let me know what you think. I'm not too pleased with this. Hopefully it will make more sense when the next chapter is up. Speaking of which, only about two more to go... Review my lovelies!


	16. Your Tears

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! Most dialogue is from Chapter 27 in Eclipse.

The extract of poetry is from John Donne's Sweetest Love, I Do Not Go

**Author's Note:** Here's the next one folks! And I have to say I've been dying to write this from the beginning. What can I say? I'm a sucker for angst! I hope you like it and I'm really eager to see what you all have to say about it… Please review and leave me your thoughts. They make me very happy.

Thank you to Subtlynice for being an awesome beta as usual!

Enjoy!

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I stared into the lush, green forest from my bedroom window not really seeing anything. So much had happened in the few short hours that we had left the battle site that I couldn't believe it was still the same day. I couldn't feel physical tiredness but my mind was nearly at a breaking point. It had certainly been an emotionally exhausting day.

I felt a pang as my mind returned to Bella. If I was feeling drained there was no saying how difficult this was for her. For the thousandth time I hated myself for having to put her though this ordeal. The agonizing decision she had to make, the horror of having an army after her, the terror of having to see her best friend, a man she loved nearly die... all my fault. My Bella was strong though. She looked shaky around the edges and I knew it wouldn't be long before she completely fell apart but inside I was blown away by her strength to even attempt handing all that she had.

I did not deserve this woman.

I was restless not knowing how she was. I knew she was at La Push this very moment. I couldn't find it in myself to grudge her this particular visit. If I didn't know that she would inevitably go there, I would have suggested it myself.

I just... wanted to be near her to take away the hurt when she told Jacob her decision. I knew it wasn't easy for her. I knew this would break her heart. And I wanted to be there to hold her together.

But even I knew it would be a mistake to be there.

I had to let her do this on her own. They both needed the closure. And it would be the epitome of selfish if I were to rub it in Jacob's face at this moment that she was with me. That she was mine.

As unbelievably relieved I was that she chose me, that she saw me worthy of bestowing her love upon despite the other choice that was so readily available to her, I looked at it not with crowing triumph, but with awed solemnity. This was not a game, it never had been one and Bella was not a prize we were both competing for. She was a woman we were both in love with, a woman we both sought after and whom we had dedicated our hearts and lives to. I was tired of fighting like an immature child.

Something had changed in the aftermath of Bella's kiss with Jacob. Perhaps it was that I _had_ taken for granted the fact that until that point she had only loved me. Jacob Black was an irritating distraction until then with only the threat of being a rival. But there, on that mountain he _had_ morphed into the rival. The rival I knew was a well matched one.

Knowing that she loved him too, made him look different in my eyes. It was not logical, I knew and the more rational reaction would have been to be jealous out of my mind and physically harm him for laying a hand on my love. But I simply could not hate what she loved. With that I had finally made peace. In his eyes I saw nothing but the same desperate love I harboured for Bella. It was something I understood and on a certain level I wished he did not have to endure heartache as severe as this. For I knew what it was like to love her and then lose her. I didn't wish that on anyone.

Leaning my head on the cool glass of my room, I thought back to when I accompanied Carlisle to La Push to tend to Jacob. It had been difficult. Though I had accompanied my father on some of his rounds at hospitals when I was studying medicine and had seen and heard countless thoughts of pain through my own eyes as well as those who were feeling it, watching Jacob's contorted face and agonized shrieks had been hard. I felt a strange kinship with him – perhaps of all that we had shared and all that we had been through together – and I couldn't help the surge of worry I felt when I saw his broken body. I had been anxiously scanning Carlisle's thoughts and trying to see with what I knew if he would be truly all right. It had only been after we left that I realized how concerned I had been.

I knew it wasn't simply because I knew Bella was worrying herself to death over his condition. It was something other than that...

"Edward!"

Alice's troubled voice roused me out of my reverie in an instant as the image that I had been expecting for the last hour swam through my mind.

_Bella, hunched over the steering wheel in her truck, sobbing as if her heart would break... _

With a barely coherent word of thanks to my sister I was out of the front door and making my way towards the Quileute boundary in seconds.

I pulled the door open and slipped into the passenger seat, pulling her shaking body into my arms. She held onto me and rested her head on my chest, not once stopping her sobs.

I said not a word. I knew she needed my silence. Though I physically ached to see her hurting like this I kept my mouth shut.

After what seemed like an age she whimpered Charlie's name. I knew she was telling me she needed to get home. I looked at her dubiously.

"Are you really ready to go home?" She looked a mess and I wasn't sure if she could handle pretending she was fine around her father. I would call Alice and ask her to fabricate whatever she had to if Bella wanted to stay at my house for the night.

"N-N-No," she stammered. "I'm not r-r-ready. But this – I need – this won't s-s-stop soon and I-I- just need to g-g-get home. T-T-Take me home Edward, p-p-please."

"Shh love, anything you want," I said, my heart breaking at her tired and defeated tone. I lifted her onto the passenger seat and switched to drive. She clung to me all the while and I kept my arm wrapped around her.

We pulled up outside her house. She detached herself from me and took a deep breath, roughly wiping her face with her hands. It was fruitless as the tears kept flowing.

"Wait for me upstairs," she mumbled, her tone pleading. As if I would be anywhere else but by her side tonight.

I hugged her close and willed whatever strength I had to flow into her. She would need it.

I scaled her wall and was in her room in an instant. I seated myself on her bed, one ear on the conversation between Charlie and her.

I was worried. While I knew she needed to come to terms with this on her own, I worried if she could take it. She was strong, that was undeniable but could her mind handle so much grief?

My phone suddenly chirped indicating a text message.

Alice.

_She will be fine Edward. Just give her time._

Downstairs I could hear Charlie's panic at the sight of her face. In an instant his mind went to the day, many months ago, when Bella awoke from her stupor and refused to leave Forks with her mother. I cringed as his frantic memory assaulted me.

"I'll be in my room," I heard her say, her voice trembling, the poor facade slipping.

She stumbled into the room moments later, her shaking fingers prying at the bracelet at her wrist.

"No, Bella," I whispered, gently stopping her hands. I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to wipe every trace of Jacob Black from her life starting with the material ones. But I knew that wasn't the healthy way for her to overcome this. "It's part of who you are."

I pulled her into my arms as she fell apart again. I carried her onto her bed and settled her onto my lap, rocking her back and forth, cradling her in my arms as if she was a child.

It went on and on... The minutes ticked by as the night melted into the early hours of the morning when the world was deathly quiet save for one girl and her shuddering sobs. They never wavered and I could do nothing but hold my love as she shattered in front of me, in my very arms.

At one point I thought I would break apart myself at the violence of her anguish. I clutched her closer to me and rubbed her back while she continued to weep.

Slowly the intensity of her sobs began to diminish and I ran my hand through her hair. I could feel the blood pounding in her head and I knew she must have a raging headache. I pressed my lips to her forehead and gently continued to rock her as the sobs slowly grew less in volume.

I was about to lay her down so she would be in a more comfortable position to sleep when she fisted the front of my shirt and began to wail in earnest again. She shook her head where it was burrowed in my chest almost as if she were trying to rid herself of whatever was tormenting her or as if she were denying something terrible.

This second wave of her frenzied sobs truly scared me. I had never seen her like this and I was afraid she was losing her mind.

"Bella shhh love," I crooned in her ear, hugging her to me as tightly as I dared. "You're going to make yourself ill..."

My pleas fell on deaf ears as she continued to cry and cry.

I honestly felt as if I was going to lose my mind. I could fight any force, supernatural or human but this, this grief, this sheer torture that she was going through I was helpless against. Her every tear was a knife through my heart, each shudder a burn.

_When thou sigh'st, thou sigh'st not wind,_

_ But sigh'st my soul away; _

_When thou weep'st, unkindly kind, _

_ My life's blood doth decay. _

If I could take her pain and make it my own I would have done it in a proverbial heartbeat. But I couldn't. Was this my penance for all I had put her through? To listen to her agony, to feel the tremors wrack through her body and feel hopelessly powerless. I would gladly take whatever punishment the Fates had in store for me if only, please God, she would be put out of this suffering.

"Hush my love," I couldn't help saying. "Please… What can I do?"

Her only answer was to drag her hands to the back of my head and fist them in my hair. She moved impossibly closer to me and all but welded her body to mine as my name fell in broken sobs from her lips.

Was she making the right choice? This had been revolving in my mind from the moment I brought her home. If it was causing her this much agony how could it be the right choice? That choice should be one that brought her joy and happiness and this was a far, far cry from it. Should I insist that she return to the arms of Jacob Black? My arms instinctually held her tighter.

Regardless of all I said, she had never shed tears like this in his company, never felt this much misery. No, that prize went to me. Since we met, I was the one to bring doubts to her mind and tears to her eyes. I was _not_ worth it.

Clearly she needed me tonight. But come morning and I would have to ask her, just to make sure, that she knew exactly what she wanted. I could never live with myself I condemned her to a life of eternal pain.

Her grip around my neck was slowly loosening. I bent her backwards slightly, her head cradled in my hand to get a look at her face. Her eyelids were drooping and her breath was hitching as her body forced her to calm down.

I stood, lifting her with me and drew her covers back with one hand before slipping her under the sheets. I was suddenly hit with a sense of déjà vu as I remembered going through these identical motions when I brought her back from our fight training with the wolves. As I had that time, I gently removed her shoes and placed her legs on the bed. I arranged her pillow so she was comfortable and then glanced at her face. Her eyes were swollen and her cheeks a maze of tear tracks.

"Give me a moment," I breathed in her ear, even though I knew she was only half conscious, and disappeared for a second returning with a bowl of warm water and a towel. I sat by her side and gently wiped her face and eyes hoping this would ease the discomfort when she eventually woke up. She whimpered as the towel left her face and I was back in the bed with her as soon as I possibly could.

She moulded herself around me, resting her head on my shoulder. I adjusted so that I could place my arm on her back when I noticed she was shivering. Not wanting to chill her, I tried to move away but the hand she had thrown across my midsection tightened.

"Stay..." she whispered.

"I won't leave you, love," I told her.

"Stay close..."

"You'll be cold."

"Hold me, Edward," she said, fighting her fatigue.

I acquiesced, thinking I would move away so she would warm up once she fell asleep.

"Always love," I said. I would always hold her, support her as long as she wanted me to. "Sleep now..."

I softly hummed her lullaby in her ear as her breathing slowed and regulated. Finally her grip on my shirt loosened as she fell asleep.

I expected her to immediately fall into a deep slumber since she had exhausted herself but her anguished thoughts seemed to have followed her into unconsciousness. She was restless and fidgeted and I crooned soft words of how I would never let her go to help her calm down.

My beautiful Bella... How unfair the world was that it let someone as selfless and giving as she was suffer this way? I brushed her hair away as I gazed into her face. It was gaunt and her eyes were puffy but she was still the most breathtaking being I had ever laid eyes on. She tried countless times to convince me that she was nothing but average but I tried just as hard to make her see otherwise. It was her beautiful heart and mind that gave her an inner radiance that shone through, shedding its light on pitiful creatures like myself to be redeemed.

And yet, as I caressed the apple of her cheeks I couldn't help but notice that she looked so much older than when I first met her. The past year had hardened her. Her idealistic innocence had all but morphed into a more guarded and slightly weary mask of maturity. My idiocy and the chaos of the past few months had taken its toll on her. And I lamented the loss of her simple look on life. She should have still been carefree and making the most of her life like her other friends. Her other _human_ friends. Instead she devoted herself to me...

I kissed her softly so as not to awaken her. My angel needed her rest.

I hoped the morning would bring some peace for her.

* * *

She began to stir, her heartbeat telling me that she was beginning to wake. I frowned. Considering how physically and emotionally exhausted she had been this was certainly not enough sleep. Was she going to fall apart again?

I tensed as her doe eyes opened and looked into mine. The haunted look that had entered her face yesterday evening had not left.

"Hey," she said, her voice impossibly hoarse.

I didn't trust the words that would potentially leave my mouth. I braced myself, waiting for it to begin again.

As if she read my mind she answered, "No, I'm fine. That won't happen again."

Why was she making it sound like she did something wrong?

"I'm sorry you had to see that," she said, softly, her eyes casting downwards. "That wasn't fair to you."

Of all the –

I clasped the face I loved so much and forced the words out. I promised myself I would ask.

"Bella are you _sure?_ Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain –" my voice broke as images of her broken figure swam in my mind.

Her finger touched my lips and she answered me, firmly. "Yes."

"I don't know," I said. I kissed her finger softly. "If it hurts so much how can it possibly be the right thing for you?"

"Edward, I know who I can't live without."

Surely that wasn't a reason.

"But..."

"You don't understand," she said. "You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that's what's best."

This had to be a joke. Did she not know that my life would be empty and that I would be even more of a husk than I was before I met her?

"But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It's the only way I can live," she continued.

I looked at her, trying to see what she wasn't telling me... I still wasn't sure. She was in agony last night. How could that be _right_?

"Hand me that book will you?" she asked, pointing over my shoulder.

I looked to see what she was pointing at and my gaze fell on her tattered copy of _Wuthering Heights_.

"This again?" I asked, as I gave it to her.

"I just wanted to find this one part I remembered... to see how she said it..." She flipped through the pages as I continued to stare at her. "Cathy's a monster, but there were a few things she got right."

She found her page and read off of it.

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger."

She raised her gaze to meet mine and placed a hand on my cheek. "I know exactly what she means. And I know who I can't live without," she said, repeating her earlier words.

I understood what she was trying to tell me. And I couldn't help the surge of relief that swelled through me. For all the times that we had shared and the countless ways we had both professed our love for each other, there was something deeper and more intense in this moment. The unspoken promise of commitment and mutual healing embraced us in the aftermath of sorrow and pain.

I took the book from her hand and flung it onto her desk. Placing a hand beneath her back I raised her so she was sitting and wrapped my arms around her waist. I felt my mouth curl into a smile as I gazed at the woman I loved.

"Heathcliff had his moments too." I said. Bending to whisper in her ear, I fervently repeated the words from memory, "I _cannot_ live without my life! I _cannot_ live without my soul!"

As the words left my mouth, I acknowledged how true they were. I was nothing without Bella. Were she to leave me then I would cease to be a recognizable being.

"Yes," she agreed. "That's my point."

"Bella I can't stand for you to be miserable. Maybe..."

"No, Edward," she said, cutting off my suggestion that she possibly could still salvage her friendship with Jacob. "I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But I know what I want and what I need... and what I'm going to do now."

"What are _we_ going to do now?"

She smiled and then sighed... Why?

"We are going to see Alice."

A small laugh escaped me. Yes, my sister would be a force to reckon now that she had a wedding to plan.

"Human moment?" she asked me.

"Of course," I said, helping her disentangle herself from me and stand. "I'll wait here."

She kissed the top of my head before gathering what she needed and disappearing into the bathroom.

Wanting something to do to pass the time, I folded her sheets and tidied her bed, smiling as my eye caught the picture of us she had tacked up on her mirror. It was one that had been taken without both our knowledge as we whiled away a summer evening on my porch. Her face was alight with laughter as one of her hands remained tangled in my hair. My face too, was alive and happy, a stark contrast to any photographs that I allowed to be taken of myself before Bella entered my life.

I remembered returning the photographs to her not long after our return from Italy. Though I had revealed that they remained in her bedroom the entire time, Bella had made no move to retrieve them until I had slipped them into her hand before I left her for the evening one day. Her face had remained impassive as she silently took them from me and kissed me goodnight. By the time I returned when she was ready for bed the pictures were already up where they used to be, as if they had never been gone. We never talked about it.

I knew I would always beat myself over the head for leaving her. I knew I was forgiven, I knew in some ways we had learned more about ourselves and each other _because _of that. But the pain I had brought to her life was something I would never pardon myself for and like I had promised her, I would spend the rest of forever trying to make it up to her.

Speaking of which, I decided that I needed to do something nice for her. A date maybe... I knew she hated the idea of my spending money on her but perhaps I could sweet talk her into the idea of celebrating our engagement. My lips turned up in a smile at the thought. Bella was my fiancée now... And soon I would have the honour of calling her my wife. The idea was so surreal I couldn't wrap my mind around it yet. I was indeed blessed.

Yes, she certainly deserved an evening of being spoiled.

Bella emerged from the bathroom and back into her room, dressed, her wet hair wrapped in a towel. I stepped away to let her finish getting ready, not particularly wanting to leave her side. She smiled up at me and took her brush, unwinding the towel from her hair. Her mahogany tresses fell to her back, the scent of her strawberry shampoo filling the room.

I saw her wince as she attempted to untangle the knots in her hair. I listened and picked out the blood pounding in her head as it had been last night.

"Headache?" I inquired.

She met my eyes in the mirror and shrugged.

"It's not too bad."

I disappeared and was back in her room with a glass of water and Tylenol. Placing it on her bedside table, I moved towards her.

"Let me, love," I said, reaching my hand out for her brush.

She looked up at me in surprise and handed it to me without protest. I gently tugged her to the bed and sat behind her. Reaching for the Tylenol I slipped one into her mouth and handed her the glass of water. She smiled her thanks and swallowed. Her eyes had dark circles underneath them and she looked exhausted. I made a mental note to get her to take a nap later on.

Taking her brush, I slowly ran it through her hair, untangling the knots one by one. Her hair truly was beautiful, thick and wavy, a glorious natural brown. When there were no more knots I still ran the brush gently across her scalp, knowing it would ease some of the tension. She hummed in pleasure and I laid the brush down and replaced it with my hands, tenderly massaging her aching head and neck.

"Mmmm," she said, leaning back against my chest.

"Better?" I asked my hands moving to her arms. I brushed her hair to one side and placed soft kisses all down the arch of her exposed neck.

"Much," she said.

"Thank you," I heard her whisper, after a few more moment of silence.

"For what my love?"

"For staying with me, for looking after me. I really shouldn't have made you stay last night, Edward. I'm sorry."

Ridiculous girl... It was I that needed to be thanking her.

"I would have stayed regardless Bella," I told her, my arms circling her waist. "You don't need to thank me."

She turned so that she was facing me and leaned her head to rest against my chest. "I needed you so much," she said.

"And you'll always have me," I replied, holding her head in my hand. "Always."

"I know," she said. "Just... thank you."

She kissed the spot where there once used to be a beating heart.

I raised her chin to lock gazes with her and smiled.

"I love you," I told her, my words filled with all the adoration I held for her.

"I love you too," she said, returning my smile as our lips met in a sweet kiss of hope.

* * *

**A/N:** Please remember to drop a line and let me know what you think! Edward will repay you by brushing your hair! =D One more chapter go...


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